Part 12: Worst Holiday Ever

Chapter 10: Worst Holiday Ever

A muscular young man with a slight slouch in his posture answered the door. He spoke with a marked drawl.


kin help ya. I ain't much fer them slimy critters, but... if any machines or robots git in yer way, I kin bust 'em up real good! My birthin' name be Josh Kain."

I shook his hand. "Pleased to meet you, Josh."

"Most folks call me Kain. I'd 'preciate ya doin' the same, if'n ya don't mind."

I shrugged amicably. "Okay then, Kain. Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself?"



"Well, I done grown up on a farm south of Kueri. Round about my seventeenth year, I rolled on up ta the big city lookin' fer excitement. I finds me a nice li'l job as a mechanic and starts ta settle in. Next thing ya know, I's outta a job again, just 'cause I made one little mistake. I ask ya, is that fair? It ain't my fault a control tower's access port looks like a cigarette lighter! Anyone coulda made a mistake like that in their first week on the job! 'Sides, the power outage only affected a few city blocks.

So anyways, next job I find is at the city junkyard. Turns out breakin' shit is a lot easier than fixin' it. Matter of fact, bustin' up machines came ta me real natural-like. So if ya ever need anythin' along those lines done fer ya, I'm yer man."

"Thank you," I said, "but, uh, I'm not entirely sure why we would ever need that. Still, I guess you're welcome to stay here."

"I'm mighty grateful to ya for that. I hear ya's done some fine things for this planet of ours, an' I'd consider it an honour ta help ya out any time I'm needed. Oh, an' if ya don't need me fer bustin' up machines, I ain't such a bad shot with a gun neither. Used to hunt varmints down at the farm. I could blow a gopher's brains out from a mile away on a clear day."

His gaze fixated on Nei's face for a moment, then moved about a foot further down.

"Say, Nei, d'ya s'pose you and me could git together sometime? Maybe for a couple of drinks an' a li'l chat?"

"Oh, that sounds lovely! We could go for walks in the park and sing songs and--"

"I'm not sure that would be such a good idea," I interrupted.

Nei's face fell. "Awww."

Kain's attention turned to Anna. "Well, how 'bout you, sweetness? C'mon, whaddaya say?"

Anna looked him up and down disdainfully. "I'll pass."

Kain shrugged. "You'll change yer mind. The ladies can't resist the Kain."

Anna beckoned for me to come closer so she could tell me something.

"If you let him anywhere near me," she whispered, "I will kill you both."

So of the allies I had so far, besides Nei, two were of questionable mental stability, two had no real training in combat, and the newest had the intelligence of an adolescent and hormones to match. Good to know.

"I think it's best if I continue travelling with Nei, Anna and Hugh for now. Kain, you stay here with Rudo and Amy."

"Rudo," Amy said sweetly, "you know I'm not a violent person. So if Kain tries anything, you're going to have to punch his lights out on my behalf."



The rest of us teleported back to Kueri and headed southeast from there. A long peninsula jutted out into the ocean, with Roron near its tip. At this distance, the stench of rotting garbage was heavy in the air.

Surely there had to be some easier way to get a jet scooter.



By the dim lighting inside Roron we could make out little shadowy creatures darting around among the refuse. Mountains of garbage towered high above our heads, and streams of liquid muck squelched underfoot.



Not all the sludge was inert, though. The Slugmess was a protoplasmic Biomonster with powerful digestive juices and a nasty tendency to divide into multiple parts that could act separately.



Deeper in, we walked past rows of huge trash compactors. Pieces of garbage were strewn willy-nilly on the floor around them, probably scavenged by natives or other animals. If anyone was supposed to be maintaining this place, they hadn't come here in a long time.



Anna had learned a new technique. The Shift technique raised physical strength by temporarily relaxing the body's natural limits on muscle contraction, although the intensive biofeedback training required to do it safely meant she could only use it on herself.



Grotesque, bloated amphibians called Squats fed on the garbage down here. Not surprisingly, their entire bodies were highly toxic to humans. Worse still, whenever we fought them I had to let go of my nose to grip my sword.



Before too long, we ran into our first native. The little blue rat-people actually seemed to enjoy living down here. It was hard to believe.



Well, they weren't getting any use out of this perfectly good gun. May as well take it for a good cause rather than leave it here to rust.



Nei already had better weapons than this, but it'd sell for a decent amount.



Not everything we found down here was so useful, though. Some boxes were just full of unsold video game cartridges or used diapers. Well, you win some, you lose some.



I mistook these Biomonsters for bits of discarded furniture at first, until one of them got up, picked up a broken curtain rod and started trying to club us to death with it. Plants that walked around and tried to kill me creeped me out; even more so than all the other Biomonsters we'd fought, it just wasn't natural.



"Nei," I pleaded, "please stop learning techniques that kill yourself to heal others. It's morbid and it makes me worry about you."

Nei looked hurt. "I'm sorry, Rolf. You know I just want to protect you."

I put my arm around her. "Don't worry, Nei. I'll protect us both so you never have to use that technique."



Hey, free cake! The natives might have lousy taste in living conditions, but I couldn't fault their hospitality.




In hindsight, accepting food from garbage-dwelling scavengers was not my finest hour.



"Rolf," Hugh said, in between violently expelling his last three meals, "remind me never to let you decide what we eat ever again."



Down in the lowest level of Roron, a group of Motavians were working on their jet scooter. There was nothing we could do but wait for them to finish their repairs: somehow, I didn't think Kain would be up to the task.



The natives had horrible taste in both food and housing, but they sure were efficient at repairing old machinery. By the time we found our way back out of Roron, the jet scooter was already parked by the shoreline with the keys in the ignition.


going through garbage itself. So, we don't need this. Anyone can have it."

So the natives were bored with their new toy already and happy to go back to playing in the garbage. Well, I wasn't about to pass up an invitation like that.