Part 19: Theatre of Failure Part Nine: Computer Shenanigans

Ready for today's madness, Sonny?

Didn't you hear? Our little shows have been called off. This week they're conducting that sting on the Gremlin, and next week we have a conference with Morgan. Then he'll be taking over the program and finish it up two weeks from now. I guess they're replacing Dooley with him. For some reason.

Oh. Huh. Wow, what am I going to do with myself for the next hour?

You could... do your job?

Hah. You're such a joker, Sonny. See you later!

Later, Keith.



I have an idea!



I can "do some research". Yeah, that'll kill an hour while my partner makes progress on our cases.



This is probably the most advanced computer system in Lytton. What is the best thing I could look up here?



There we go.



Oh, computer. Where have you been all my life? I wonder what else it can do?

< HELP

On-Line Help is no longer available.

< DIR

BDOS err on a:

< FUCK YOU

Biological intercourse.

< PISS

A yellowish fluid secreted by the kidneys, passed through ureters to bladder, from which it is discharged through the urethra.

< PUSSY

Any port in a storm!

Whoever set up this computer was an evil genius.

< ASSHOLE

Found on a male.

Needs a bit of work on the fact-checking on that one. Although I guess it wouldn't surprise me if whoever wrote the last few entries never saw a girl naked. Let's see what else we have.

< 555-4369

555-4369

Unlisted telephone number of: Police Commissioner Hacker

I knew that chick was too good to be true. Oh, well. Good thing I looked it up first! Now what were those other guys' names... oh, right!

< AL LOWE

Former programmer; author of that cult classic, "Bop-A-Bet!"

< GREG ROWLAND

Computer renaissance man: artist, programmer, guitarist.

< JIM WALLS

Nice ol' family man; former CHiP (not as in cow).

< KEN WILLIAMS

Like a civil servant: we can't fire him and can't get him to work.

Every one of those people owes me money. Ah, well. That's enough advanced computer hacking for now. Let's go see what else there is to do today. Maybe Carol's getting hassled by bikers again.