Part 21: Theatre of Failure Part Ten: Guided Tour

Alright, we'll do it just like last time. I'll conceal myself in the park and you keep an eye out for any stragglers.

Right behind you, Big Boy.



My head... I...






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Two days later

Sonny Bonds, taking a week off! Will wonders never cease?

Yeah, Keith, laugh it up. It's been crazy here lately, and we've got our last hurrah at the movies coming up next week. I think it'd be nice to take a break for a little bit and do some sightseeing.

Sightseeing? Bonds, are you out of your mind? You see the sights in this city every damn day.

Usually going by at fifty miles an hour. Not quite the same thing. I just want to slow things down, just for a little while.

Up to you, Sonny. I'm spending my next vacation drunk in Texas with some buddies of mine.

What a great plan.

Ah, don't be such a stooge, man. Oh! Can you believe the Gremlin turned out to b-

Not my problem right now! Excuse me, I'm off to the lockers.

Alright, Sonny. Catch you later.



Ah, I'm going to miss that smell for the next week.



Hey, RJ. What's up?



Oh, sorry. Let me get out of your way. So what's the good word?



Well, that's just... a wonderful story you have there.



Very funny, RJ. I'll see you around.



Yeah, I think I'll shower when I get home.



It seems like ages ago that I filled out that transfer memo, but it's only been a few months. I suppose it all worked out pretty well, didn't it?




And I'm one of them now. It still feels strange to come to work every day and not put on a uniform.



Before I go, I suppose I ought to try that little experiment. I don't see how it can possibly help, though.



Well, that part's a bust. I guess we'll try the other part.





What is a Sierra, anyway? I've never heard of it. Guess I'll find out.




Now what the heck am I going to say to these people?



Uh, yes, hi there. I was at the park a few days ago when I had a sudden stabbing pain in my head, and everything just.. went blank for a while.



I'm... not sure what that means. But you know, in some odd way it does make me feel better.



But... it seems like a real phone? If it isn't a real phone, how are we speaking? And a game? What games are you talking about?




Well, I'm... definitely looking forward to that?



...how odd. Well, I guess that did help a little for some reason. One quick look around the office before I go.





I'm sorry to say I won't really be sorry to be out of this room next week. Sometimes I miss the simple days where people broke the law and I just pelted after them in a car. Ah, well. Time to go look up those last few details on my cases so the rest of the department can work them while I'm gone.




Power's out again? Oh, well. Laura has all the information anyway, I suppose. Heh.



Someone should clear this off. There's still things about Bains on here, and that's old news these days.



I can't wait to get out there. In fact, I suppose there's no real need to.



First stop, deliciousness!

This is your favorite coffee shop. Carol, the busy, but friendly, waitress, makes the strongest coffee in town. There is a menu on the left wall and a telephone on the far wall. The restroom is down the hall from the phone.



Just stopping in for a bite to eat, Carol.



"Filet of Hummingbird Breast"

"Pig Sty Stew"

"Fried Pork Rind"

Yum?


...somehow, I've lost my appetite.



Well, at least there's somewhere else I can get some refreshment.



It was kind of the chief to let me use one of the undercover cars since my Vette is... well, never mind that.




I'm not sure why Keith wants to go to Texas when there's a perfectly good place to drink right here. And for once, I'm not on duty.




Hey, Bobby. Just a beer today, thank you.




Here you go, Buddy. That'll be one dollar.

Keep the change. Now let's look at this jukebox again.



Its sound system features light amplification by stimulated emissions of radiation...

...and fully-computerized, video reproductions of your favorite artists, which thankfully are inoperative at this time!

I've been in here how many times? I never touch this thing. Don't recall why that is.

You relax and enjoy the selection "My Eyes Cross With Your Touch."

You select that old instrumental classic "My Nostrils Slam Shut When You Breathe."

You select the latest in love songs, "I Shoulda Bought A Monkey To Take Your Place."

Ah, right. Oh, well.



Some time later




I should try that sometime. Just like on that Dukes of Hazzard show. Wait, no. That would be stupid. That was a stupid show.




There's at least one place I have to go before I go on vacation, just to see.



It does look lovely, doesn't it?



Why don't I come here more often? I suppose it's a bit depressing these days, given how many times we've had to bust people here.



It was against the law to carve our initials on there, but I was younger then. I'm sure the statute of limitations is long past, anyway. Maybe I should have shown her back then.



You know, I always wondered about that company.



It is nice. But there's something missing, and I think I know where to find it.



Speaking of places crime has ruined for me.




I don't think the river minds what we do to it, but it's hard to forget.



I suppose it's obvious by now that I'm not really talking to myself. I wonder where you went to? Are you still listening, or are you busy elsewhere now? For a while there I would have given a lot to get rid of you, but I suppose by the end I'd gotten used to having you around. You said you'd come back some day. But I'm not sure whether I want that, either; my life was totally turned upside down when you started speaking into my head, and I have to assume that's what will happen next time, too. But I suppose that's what it's like, being a protagonist. So... how about it? Can you hear me? Anything to say?

...

Ah, well. I should go. I'm expected! But you would have known that, given what happened last time we spoke. I wonder if... whup!






Damn, that was cold! Okay, that's it. If I'm going to be that clumsy, when I get back to work, I am definitely going to go for that SCUBA certification.




And don't think I'm not going to blame you for that. I know you're snickering somewhere.