Introduction

Who are you?
I'm kalonZombie. You might remember me from a failed LP of Legend of Mana, and a currently finished LP of Ratchet and Clank Future: Tools of Destruction.

Don't you usually hang out with some other dude?
Ape is sitting out this one because this LP is different from the Tools of Destruction one. It's a subtitle LP.

Why subtitles?
Portal is not a game you talk over. It's very atmospheric and slow-paced.

What is Portal?
Portal was a game released in 2007 with the Orange Box, along with Half Life 2: Episode 2 and Team Fortress 2, as well as re-releases of Half Life 2 and Half Life 2: Episode 1. Whereas the other two new releases were long awaited, Portal was a surprise release. Valve didn't think it would sell well enough on it's own, so they included it with a bunch of other games.

Will this affect your other LP?
No. Portal and Portal 2 will not affect my other LP. I plan to update them both on a regular basis.

Portal is a pretty short game, isn't it?
Yes it is. Portal will only have two updates, both with multiple videos. This is mainly to move straight to Portal 2, which will update with one video roughly once a week.

Hey, where are the special radios?! Why don't you have the new ending?! What kind of operation are you running here, buddy?
I'm playing the PS3 version of both games. Unfortunately, the PS3 version of the game didn't get the cool stuff patched into the PC version.

Wow, that was pretty short. Okay, so what is Portal 2?
Portal 2 is the sequel to the surprise hit Portal. Released in mid-April 2011, Portal 2 has all the original gameplay mechanics that made Portal such a smash hit. It also introduced several new ones I'll talk about as we come along to them. It's also more story-oriented than the original Portal, and quite frankly, is one of the most hilarious games I've ever played this side of Tim Shaefur. Finally, it has not one, but two campaigns, the second one being co-op central.

What is the format here?
Videos will be presented in glorious 720p high definition, as well as high-quality standard definition. Each video will be roughly 15-20 minutes in length, give or take a few minutes if I feel that the video needs to end somewhere important. The co-op maps in Portal 2 will follow a different length format, and videos will be as long or short as needed.

Spoilers?
Spoilers are fine as long as they are tagged. I am aware that the games are popular and many people have played them, but there are still people who have not, especially the second game, so it's only polite.

I have a crappy internet connection and don't want to load these every time I want to watch them, what can I do?
I'm glad you asked. I've started providing download links from Blip.tv. All you have to do is right click and select "save link as" (or it's equivalent depending on your OS/ browser) and you can download the source video. There's no extra cool stuff for doing so, but I had two more people than expected to do that (I expected zero, by the way), so I might as well make things easier for the hidden people who do so.

The cake is a l-
No. None of that in this damn thread. If I see too much cake, space, lemon, whatever jokes, I will close this thread until the next update. I'm serious. It's been done a million times before and the game did it far funnier than anybody else did.

Why no co-op?
I fucked up. I had to switch computers and lost interest in the LP about halfway through, due to recording and editing issues. I deeply apologize that the LP isn't "finished" by my own accounts, maybe someday I'll come back and finish co-op.

Portal

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Portal Challenge Maps with Coolguye
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Lab Rat, the story of Doug Rattman

Portal 2

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The stuff in the glass case.


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Characters, devices, and hazards

WARNING: Contains spoilers! Read only if you've seen the videos or don't care about spoilers!


Chell
The player character. Also a girl. That's about all we know. Might have brain damage. Wandering the fields of Michigan.


GLaDOS
The friendly, polite, and helpful computerized voice that talks to us throughout our science adventure. Could use a tune up. Tried to kill us, so less friendly than originally thought. Also a compulsive liar. Currently dead. Maybe. Not anymore! Relived her death almost 80,000,000 times. Tried to kill us again. Silly girl. Currently shoved into a potato. A bird stole her, so we have no idea where she is. We found her with a bird. Currently stuck to our gun. Acting kinda weird, lately. Turns out, Caroline was uploaded into GLaDOS to act as sort of a conscious. Now she's back in charge in her old body, and gave Chell her freedom... for what it's worth.


Aperture Science Long Fall Boots
Utilizing complicated science that you need several doctorates to even begin to understand, these boots completely negate fall damage from any height. They also gravitate towards portals when you jump into them, which comes in handy for flinging yourself across rooms.


Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cubes
Heavy boxes you put on buttons.


Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button
Big button you put boxes on.


Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device
Creates intra-dimensional portals for us to travel through. Looking into the barrell is highly not recommended.


Aperture Science High Energy Pellet
An energy ball. Contact means instant death. You need to put these in outlets to activates lifts and platforms.

Water
Water straight up kills you if you jump in it. Mainly because it's green, gross looking, and probably more akin to sewage than water. Avoid at all costs.


Aperture Science SentryTurret
The only real enemy of the game. Weak from behind. Also adorable. I kinda feel bad for picking on these guys, but they DID shoot at me.


Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube
Just a stupid box with a heart on it. Big whoop.


Morality Core
Made to keep GLaDOS from flooding the building with neurotoxin. Unfortunately it doesn't keep her from killing people in other ways. Whoops. We threw it in a fire.


Curiosity Core
This cute little guy constantly asks questions and is the best core in the first game. It smelled something burning. That something was it. Poor guy.


Cake Core
Tells us how to make a not so delicious cake. Obsessed with fish shaped things and rhubarb. Currently baked until golden brown.


Anger Core
GRR SNARL HISS RAWR ARGH BLARG ROAR. Last thing it saw was red... from flames, because we incinerated it.


Wheatly
Our caretaker for the last 300 years. Bit of a talker, and seems a bit... slow. R.I.P. little buddy. We're so depressed, we're seeing him in the walls! No, we're not depressed, he's actually alive! Currently helping us to shut GLaDOS down and escape. Now that we've done that, he's in charge of the facility. Hooray! Oh, wait, that caused him to go mad with power and drop us into a pit. Whoops. Revealed to be an intelligence dampening sphere to keep GLaDOS from having ideas like "kill everyone". Turns out he neglected keeping the facility from exploding while trying to take care of his testing itch. We booted him out though, and put GLaDOS back in charge. He's currently drifting in space.


Thermal Discouragement Beam
Deadly laser. These replace the energy balls from the first game. No longer an instakill, otherwise work the same.


Aperture Science Weighted Pivot Cube
These are made of glass and mirrors to redirect the lasers to how you see fit. Very important.


Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate
You step on it and it goes flying. Quite possibly my favorite test element.


Hard Light Bridge
Bridge made of pure, concentrated sunlight that you can walk on. Rubbing your face on it is not recommended.


Broken Turret
They're crass, have no bullets, and are prone to catching on fire. Also voiced by Nolan North, AKA "the guy who has his voice in every video game ever".


Cave Johnson
"Hi there folks! Welcome to my portrait in this post. I'm Cave Johnson. I'm the owner and CEO of Aperture Science. With my lovely assistant Caroline, I test the best of the best through my rigorous science spheres to find out the answers. What answers? Hell if I know. Who's ready to make some science?! Apparently hobos willing to make a quick $60. If I ever get my hands on that administrator who runs Black Mesa I'll wring his scranwy litt- Okay, so Aperture may have fallen onto some hard times. We may have also had to pay dirty smelly hobos to do tests that, quite frankly, are way beyond their understanding. No more! Testing is mandatory for all employees. Maybe we can test away this mercury poisoning... I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I want Caroline to run this place when I die."


Caroline
Cave Johnson's secretary. Apparently very dedicated to her job. Her mind was put into GLaDOS.


Repulsion Gel
Bounce on it! It's fun! It keeps bouncing you so you never lose the height of your altitude.


Propulsion Gel
Running on it causes you to pull a Roadrunner. It's also way messier than Repulsion Gel.


Conversion Gel
Spread this stuff all around the floor, because it makes any surface able to sustain a portal! Just don't take a bath in it because... well... it's made of moon rocks. If you do your research, you'll see why it's a bad idea.


Excursion Funnel
This funnel moves whatever is in it away from its source. Sometimes buttons can be pressed to make it go the other way. Made of liquid asbestos.


Space Core
The only thing we know about this corrupted core is that it is obsessed with space. Currently living the dream.


Adventure Sphere AKA "Rick"
Adventurer. Ladies man. Laughs in the very face of danger! Also in space, so kind of living the ultimate adventure.


Fact Core
Gives out lots of useful facts. Some of them are even correct! The only sphere NOT to go into space, its fate is a mystery to all.

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Official Portal 2 Videos: Updates alongside LP


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Cool Stuff Other People Found.

FrancisYorkPatty shows off the most adorable killing machine.


Dr. Video Games 0031 provides the modified ending that was patched into the PC version of the game, which I was too to splice in.


curiousTerminal provides some missing lines...
Seriously, where are we going?
This is mathematically correct.
and then goes so far as to provide lines that were cut entirely.


Colander Crotch shows us a more useful cube because at least it could be a pillow or something.
http://necaonline.com/32854/product...companion-cube/

Man With Hat shows off an amazing, spoiler-free fan made movie of Portal.
Here it is.

Colander Crotch shows us quite possibly the best Portal 2 merch ever...
BACK OFF IT'S MINE!
and then does it again with this nifty LED turret. It even comes in the same boxes the normal turrets do.

Kloro is kind enough to slow down what GLaDOS says sped up in Portal 2 Video 3.


J.theYellow gives us GLaDOS doing that scream in different languages.


SamuraiFoochs shows us a super awesome Wheatley puppet.


hankor shows us some lines I never even knew about.