Resident Evil 1 Part #14 - Episode XIII: Communication Breakdown

Part 14: Episode XIII: Communication Breakdown

Episode XIII: Communication Breakdown

When last we left our hero, he was staring deeply into the abyss. With that said, let's continue...

"Is everything okay...?"

"You have an even girlier shriek than Moe, here. I'm impressed. Disgusted... But, impressed."

"I... But... Your eyes... And the blood..."

"What are you talking about? You went in there for a few minutes and wandered back out. Then you just started screaming non-stop. I thought there was something horrible in there, but it's just a statue and a babbling file. So...that was sort of uncomfortable..."

"Uhh... I... I'm going now..."

"Continue your... Stop screwing with the piano... Or... Bye!"

Chris heads back into the dining room and tries to clear his head... With puzzle solving!

Emblem swapping at its sexiest yet.

Placing the emblem causes the front hatch of the nearby clock to open. I wonder what the grand tally for 'obstacles a screw driver or crowbar would easily handle' is up to.

destiny will open."

That doesn't sound the least bit ominous.

Though, that little blurb was utterly unhelpful in actually solving this thing. For the utterly obvious solution, we must confer with the picture to the clock's left.

sword has been thrust into the breast of one knight, while the long sword has pierced the head of the other.

Now, I don't know who is more metal. The guy who stabbed a man in the face with a three foot long sword. Or the guy who was stabbed in the face, kept walking forward, and still managed to stab the other guy in the chest with three feet of steel jutting out his skull.

In either case, the minute (long) hand faces the helmet (head) while the hour (short) hand faces the chestplate (breast) of the armor.

For Chris' troubles, he receives the Shield Key. Which only has one task...

The room which Richard has apparently phased through to access. I'm sure nothing bad will come of this. I walk into rooms all the time with prior knowledge of giant snakes, spiders, hedgehogs, gophers, and hermit crabs and I don't break a sweat.

Pfft. Giant snake? It was probably just a slightly larger than average snake and Richard pussed o-"

"-oooOH MY GAWD!"

Boss Fight 1: Topher Redfield vs. The Yawn

Now, you've all probably seen a rerun of Anaconda on TBS or are at least aware of its existence... It was a moving about a big ass man eating snake in the Amazon or some shit.

A tight attic store room is a slight downgrade from the jungle and thusly a 30 foot snake's ability to attack like...anything... is rather downgraded as well.

As such, it would take a blockheaded moron in a bright orange shirt to basically stand there and wave his arms in order to summon the wrath of this creature (known as the Yawn...because it looks like snakes are yawning when their jaw is opened. That's really Capcom's reasoning behind the naming.)

And since there's no actual incentive to slay the monster at this point, as one can easily just run around a column, watch as it clumsily has to slide around its own girth, and snag this shiny new death mask.

"Yeah, I bet it's mouth really isn't so tough!"

"Sonuvabitch! Screw this!"

Well, that can't be good. Nothing a good old fashion blue herb can't fix up. Native to the Arklay Mountains and all that.

Chris fires a few rounds into the <yawn> giant snake and it slithers off for a future uninspired boss fight.

Yup, good old blue herbs. Don't know what I'd do without 'em.

Gingivitis strikes down another victim.

In my vagina? It's more common than you may think.

Rebecca abruptly rushes in.

Rebecca is sporting the face of someone trying to interpret Lassie's barks about Timmy falling in the well.

"I remember you fucking sending me to find it! You...FORGOT?!"

"No, no... I just got turned around, is all..."

"Dude... You're boned... You're so boned I've got a museum curator leaving a message on my voice mail for ya."

Hey, completely reusing an already covered fetch quest. I'd fault the Remake, but this shit was in the original game, as well. So, I'll fault the remake with actually shoehorning the 'running across the mansion to another save room and back was fun...right? Wanna do it again' quest again and not batting an eyelid.

And so we have the series staple character swap. Rebecca Chambers: the original third playable character which added absolutely nothing to the gameplay. Rebecca behaves...like a reskinned Jill. As, she is a reskinned Jill. Down to the identical animations for everything she does. Other than bouncing breasts. For reasons certain spectral Jews would gladly explain.

Let's see what her inventory holds.

"You homely fuck. You didn't take any of the awesome weapons I had...but you stole my zippo lighter? What sort of brain damage do you have?!"

Rebecca is required to run all the way back to the same save room from before and then all the way back. It's even less interesting this time than the first time was, so let's just assume she eventually made it, shall we?

Rebecca rushes back to Chris' side; serum in hand.