Part 15: Episode XIV: Thriller

Episode XIV: Thriller

When last we left our heroine, she was...OH GAWD BEES!!


BEEEEEEES!! Jill's quick tactical thinking comes up with only one conclusion to handle the situation.


Maximum force. Extreme prejudice. Complete overkill. Spastic reaction which should not be repeated. All of these apply pretty well. Now then, about that secret nook.


The Wind Crest. In the original version of the game, this was actually one of the four items needed to unlock the mysterious door at the north end of the mansion (you know...the one we're raiding an unholy tomb to unlock, at current). It's been reassigned to a somewhat more mundane duty now. But, it is a duty which won't come for a bit. Moving right along...

Jill wanders back toward the main hallway.


The man is going to have a stroke before the end of the game.


"There were some bees, but I killed them."
"For the love of God! Bees?! Those monsters."


Oh, Jill. Your spunk is out of control.


A back door...? Which would lead back to the forest... The same forest filled with zombie dogs that nearly killed the team earlier? The same forest that is dozens of miles away from the city? That forest? You can get to that forest from the front door too, chief.


What is with these people and split-ups resulting in returning to where they'd already explored?



"Barry, that Resident Evil Porno sound clip stopped being funny in 1998."


Did... Did Barry just make a Mellow Yellow reference...?


This cutscene actually occurs at roughly the same point as the Forest and Barry cutscene would. You actually have to skip several events and rush to make the latter scene take place. Which, in other words, means there is no possible way Jill would have the grenade launcher at this point, were I actually following a linear progression. So getting ammo for it is a...


DREAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM OOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFF ANNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOTHER PLAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCEEEEE!!



I'd like the buddy system with actual fucking people involved. Flesh eating monsters. Half the team is dead. No hope of escape. But, Barry Burton has his manhood extension. So all is right with the world.


Back away slowly, now. No sudden movements. Don't let him see the fear in your eyes.


You're not getting beets from the fucking Honker Burger. You'll see each other later if you don't get your throats ripped out by a ghoul's claws. Am I talking crazy pills, here?!


Newly acquired Death Mask in hand... Oh hell, I need to save these updates before posting them. There was a puzzle or something. Maybe a boss fight. It's kind of hazy. But, she's got it now and that is all that counts.


Placing it in its bust completes the set with number four of four.



Thus, the coffin is unleashed.


This is the type of situation where you'd take that glittery grenade launcher of Forest's and launch four or five rounds into the coffin before checking the situation. This being Resident Evil, logical options are strickly barred from the proceedings. As such, Jill wanders over to the unleashed horror to see if there's anything cool to be had.


The gate slams shut behind Jill. Locking her in to face her newfound nemesis. Nevermind there wasn't a gate back there to begin with. There is now and it's not going anywhere.



Good lord! It's... It's...


A fucking zombie... That's it? All that build up and it's a fucking Crimson Head zombie? I was expecting Dracula to pop out and Castlevania to rise from the foundation of this manor. At the very least, Blacula. But... A zombie? I want my money back! I want that time back!


Now, what to do with a caged zombie?


A bite could mean certain doom.


But, Jill has one last trick up her sleeve. She doesn't have sleeves, but stop minding the details.


Jill's unique defense weapon is the Stun Gun. Which she comes pre-equipped with this item. Batteries must be gathered to power the thing, as one shot depletes the energy store. But, what can a taser do to a zombie, you ask?


Ask that zombie after it's had 10,000 volts straight into its dick.


Ask it then.


After the zombie's defeat, a switch is found in its coffin. Yes, the same one that was just suspended in mid-air by chains for presumably years.


This opens the newly spawned gate trap. So, Umbrella chained this thing to the ceiling and locked it in place by specially created busts which only reacted to masks of dead people. Upon releasing all four chains, a mechanism automatically sealed the gate leading into the chamber. Then, should whoever foolhardy enough to challenge the dead guy in the coffin come out victorious, they left a radio powered switch in the coffin to unlock the aforementioned gate trap. I got all that, right? Think of a synonym for 'retarded' and assume I said it.


Oh yeah, this was in the coffin, as well. It fits in the door behind the main hallway stairway. But, that isn't what it'll be used for at the moment.


For you see, we are heading north.


North. To new horizons.


North. To new adventures.


North...to things much more retarded than you could ever imagine.

Tune in next time for...







your Sins are bEyond the grace of god! QUickly do you cowEr to the shadows! Lost to the wordS of those above!

Bonus Content:

Barry Main Hall Cutscene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKWoxWgpQdo

Coffin Cutscene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nILX8L-5G_M

Stun Gun Demo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5I79OdCIuk

Original Game Bonus Content:

Barry Main Hall Cutscene (It's really powerful. Especially, against living things):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gy6alp5r80c