Part 37: Episode XXIV: It Won't Be Long

Episode XXIV: It Won't Be Long

When last we left our heroine, she was wandering back in the direction of the mansion for vague reasons of which she was unable to entirely express. With that said, let's continue...


If there's a survivor in this residence, then I hope they have dead aim. Personally, I give them zero chance against any evil nemesis they might encounter. I cannot fit Code Veronica into a silly comment. I tried.


"Is that my crank? I still have a headache from getting that thing. What jerk threw it down here?"


Well, this is new...  Technically, you have to go through the whole mansion to find a battery for the elevator in the courtyard, ride it upstairs, use the crank to fill the waterway back up, ride the elevator back downstairs, then you can enter this area. But, that's retarded. 

Tune in next time for...


PART 4 - THE CAVES

Wait... Hold up! What happened to Part 3?

Elsewhere in the estate...


"Tch! Fine! You can have some of my tots!"


"They don't even taste good!"






"I put hot sauce on them."

Tune in next time for...


PART 3 - THE MANSION REVISITED

Well, glad that's over.


Time for a smoke break.


The nightly venting of the ill effects the series has had on my psyche. The usual...


























"That was not enough content for an update, good sir."

Oh, for fuck sake! Fine. Buncha pricks.


No game would be complete without a sewer and/or dreary cavern area. Well, here it is.


Behold its splendor. It's dimly lit. Has lizard men. I believe there's a block puzzle somewhere. And I know there's at least three fetch quests. And an obligatory tumbling boulder trap? You bet your sweet ass there is!


Now, spelunking in a cavernous system by one's self with no guides or equipment to your name is normally a wee bit hazardous, to say the least. Luckily, for our heroine, this is Resident Evil. So, it will merely be mildly inconvenient due to every last piece of equipment being out of place.


First up, we have a bottomless [NOTICE: PIT MAY NOT ACTUALLY BE BOTTOMLESS] pit which requires a secondary crank to activate a platform or something of that nature.

Jill heads back to the door by the entrance. Since caves really need fucking doors...


Grue warning is at 40% and rising.


Luckily, this particular rather spherical stone is well in place. Allowing Jill to make deadpan observations and be on her way.

Ms. Valentine heads out the other door in the area.


I mean, it's a really well rendered cave. Boring as a wait in a dentist's office with a stale smelling old woman. But, it is still a fairly convincing cave.



This elaborate device powers the nearby elevator. So I guess elevators can either run on car batteries or elaborate steam punk Mako reactors.



In either case, the piece of machinery is, of course, missing components. Every time a machine is found missing a part, a Capcom developer gets their wings. Which they'll need because my new goal in life is to hunt every one of them down. You hear that Koji Oda?! You're dead! You're FUCKING DEAD!!


Probably for the elevator. Just a hunch.

Jill heads into the next area. It looked very cave like.


I'd like to note that Jill is down the hall, around a corner from Enrico. The same Enrico from Bravo Team who's been missing since yesterday and has absolutely no knowledge Alpha Team was sent to rescue them, much less Jill Valentine happened to be the one who wandered into the room.


Then again, this is also the same Enrico who was in William Birkin's secret underground lab all the way back in Raccoon City a few hours ago. The same Enrico who walked back to Raccoon City then walked back to the mansion in the middle of the woods. So this guy may very well know his shit when it comes to footsteps.


I like how it seems to be S.T.A.R.S. operating procedure for the team leaders to just completely abandon their respective teams and fuck off doing their own thing. Hell, for all intents and purposes, he still has a fully functioning radio. So should Rebecca, for that matter.


Wasn't the cornerstone of the mansion exploration nonsense in this game all about finding a way to get Brad's attention, since Richard's radio was screwed up? I didn't think Resident Evil Zero could possibly open up any more plotholes. But even after the thread on it ended, it has still manages to surprise me.


"I didn't want anyone to notice my voice actor had been replaced by a different, yet somehow equally terrible, casting."


I'm sure you guys are astonished at this revelation as I am.


Mind = blown.



Mario? Mario?! MAAAAAAAAARIOOOOOOO!!


It seems Jill is planning on grieving by unhinging her jaw and swallowing him like a snake. I hear that's a common practice in Montana.





One more down on the tally. Two to zombie dogs. One to standard issue zombie. One to crows. One to zombie sharks. And now a good old fashion bout of gun violence. Keep on truckin', S.T.A.R.S. Keep on truckin'...

Tune in next time for caves, caverns, and grottos!

Bonus Content:

Hunter Grenade Demo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_3UTv68_ss

Enrico's Death Cutscene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFVkADS8W3o

Original Game Bonus Content:

Original Enrico Death Cutscene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xun5jj8blwo