Part 40: Episode XXVII: Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

Episode XXVII: Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

When last we left our hero, he was insulted by a most rude extraterrestrial. There was also some mansion slumming stuff, but it wasn't that important. With that said, let's continue...


"Dude, I'm telling you. The butter just isn't mixing with the peanuts. It just isn't! What are we doing wrong? Man, maybe there's like a cookbook or something around. This is hard."


"Omigodomigodomigodomigod!"


"ELELATTOOOOOOOAAAH! YAAAAAAAY!"




"YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"




"BEST EVVVVAAAAAAHHH!"


"You cannot hug."



"I can't use this. I don't even own a car. I'm a musher."


"I need a nap. Or some Doritos. A nap while eating Doritos. No... That won't work. They'll get my pillow messy."


"You see that? I did that. I did that, man."

The doorway dumps Chris back into the hallway where the arrow piece was found way back in the beginning. Luckily, that connects to the next unlockable room.


Or at least, the adjacent hallway which connects to the next unlockable room... Close enough.


What did they even use this mansion for? I mean, I can see an inconspicuous mansion deep in the woods being a decent front for illicit activities. But, when you're spending at least, if not more, furnishing the mansion front as you are on the secret laboratory in its entirety... There's something wrong with that picture. Maybe a file will clarify things.

Mail from the Chief of Security

1. Stock up on no less than 30 liters of Mountain Dew.
2. All instances of "Ex" must be reworded into "X". For example, see Mortal Kombat.
<the rest is illegible>


Ah, the mysterious combat data. What it is? What it does? What value does it have? All a mystery which vaguely involves murdering teammates. As apparently shooting people also obtains combat data. Seeing as anyone even known to be gathering it has had no trouble gunning down his subjects and still obtaining results.


Later on, it is revealed which creatures actually are considered "B.O.W."s. B.O.W. being a fancy euphemism for intentional monster. Put it this way...not too many of the S.T.A.R.S. actually got killed by these things.


This is more or less the only order that makes sense. As the first order is actively inviting the fucking cops to your secret conspiracy riddled compound in order to gain data on your monsters. The second one fails to account going all Noah's Ark with your monsters using a single guy...probably has some logistical problems.


"Should you die, please contact us at the following extension. Ask for George."


The original game had this file end with it being signed by "White Umbrella". Which is marginally better than...


Just sayin'...


Back to the problem at hand. Yes, there's a problem. It's a locked room in a survival horror game. That's the whole reason it was locked. Now, while it is obviously difficult to show off in screenshot form and I am not wasting my time on a three second video, work with me here. That eagle on the right? That thing moves. It is some crazy motion tracking Umbrella Inc. eagle statue.



Now, if Topher cuts the lights, you can see there is a jewel shoved in the busts on either side of the room. However, said busts lock their jewel bounty into place, should the eagle be facing all the way in Chris' direction when he attempts to claim his prize. The solution...?


"If I close my eyes, he can't see me..."


Close. The solution is running to one side of the room until the eagle is facing as far in that direction as it can. Then running to the opposite side, under the eagle, and claiming your prize. Really... You run under it to and it will be too slow in turning to spot you.



Originally, you just pushed a box up to the bust and grabbed the thing. This is not good innovation, Capcom. This is called being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole.


The bull head on the opposite side has an identical gem, only it is yellow. Yes, I refuse to acknowledge palette swaps that are not wearing karate gi's or are ninjas.

Chris wanders about for a bit. Having a conversation about the ethics of human cloning with a broom he finds along the way. He eventually makes his way to the tiger room.


This sidetrip isn't necessary to complete the game, but it is to get the best ending. Inserting the yellow gem results in snakes dropping from the ceiling. Really. Meanwhile, inserting the red gem results in...



A zip drive disc? Umbrella... Those monsters...

Chris wanders toward his next locked door destination. It takes him five minutes to arrive, as he decided to rock the air guitar for four and a half.


The main hallway holds the penultimate Helmet Key door. It won't be any more exciting than the last one. Sorry.


Here is a complimentary expression of excitement, should excitement have been present. In the case of future excitement, please refer back to said look of excitement for proper excitement time procedures.


"I wish I could use the knife on my jacket..." <frown>

There's something handwritten. It's not dated.


This is actually referring to the secret costume room back in the art gallery back room where you get the first defense knife.

Speaking of hidden costumes, might as well bust them out. Unless you all want to get back to this stage in the game's thrill ride. Well, if you can avoid falling off the edge of your seat, here's what we have:



Chris' old Code Veronica duds. Since, they were such a departure from what he's currently wearing.



Next, we have Jill's classic "Yes, I'm a video game character...with tits" outfit.

After that, we get into the weird stuff:



Such as Chris' Brad Pitt from The Mexican outfit... Yeah... I don't know either.



Following that, we have Jill's Sarah Connor from Terminator 2 garment.


Lastly, the barely legal Rebecca Chambers gets a cowgirl outfit, should Chris change into his alternate uniforms. I'm sure it was lovely rendered by a particularly lonely Capcom developer.

Sadly, there is no silly sunglass options for Captain Wesker.

Putting that all aside, Chris continues his investigation of the room.


"Dude, I was totally into meteor...mateonautic...stars and shit when I was a kid."


"Aww dude. Sweet. How do ya zoom this thing?"


"Man, I still don't buy it. The whole putting a man on the moon thing, man. You'd think they'd get mad if they were stuck on the moon or something. Man, I'd be cheesed."


"Buh?"


"BY THE CIGAR OF CASTRO!!"

Tune in next time for more fucking caves. I have a family. I can't take any more caves. What do you hate me, Capcom?