Part 6: Episode V: With a Little Help from My Friends

Episode V: With a Little Help from My Friends

When last we left our heroes, they'd split up to investigate the spooky mansion. Also, Jill found Dracula's tomb beneath a cemetery in the back yard. With that said, let's continue...


So, four death masks must now be obtained to unleash the coffin for...god knows what reason... Weren't we trying to escape from the evil mansion in the woods? Not unleash the Dark Lord or whatever is in there?



Our pun named heroine, shiny new key in hand, returns to the art gallery room.


I see where Kingdom Hearts snaked its ideas.


Ah, yes. This hallway. I'm sure anyone who played the original game as a wee lad remembers this hallway. It's the first of many hundred 'something suddenly crashes through a window. Blargh!' scares the series is so known for. But, this one made most people actually jump. As, you don't go in expecting dogs to crash through the window your first time playing this game.


Ah. Here it comes!


Yep. Any minute now...




They're not coming, are they?

 They actually will crash through the windows if you wander back through this hallway later on. 

Jill moves on to the next area.


Ah, yes. The master of unlocking at work. The lockpick is basically the "easy button" for Jill's scenario.


The new area leads Officer Valentine back outdoors. This dark vista leads to new rewards.


Like, bags of fertilizers. Actually, this is a herbicide. Which will be the solution to yet another silly adventure game scenario down the road. Good thing our heroes are kleptomaniacs or they'd get into a few real binds. To this day, I see extra ammo, sharp objects, or 20 pound sacks of earth. You'd better believe I'm stuffing them into my backpack.

Jill heads back into the prior hallway and enters the next room.


Wow. An actual bathroom. And yet another obsessive compulsive character quirk. Sure, kid. Knock yourself out.


There is, of course, a zombie in the bathtub. Examining it, prior to pulling the plug, reveals the water is very dirty.


Ya know, clouded by chunks of floating rotten flesh and what not. Even if Jill failed to see the corpse a few inches below the water line, you'd think that shnoz she's sporting would detect the sent of a wet, several day old corpse and not pull the plug on the tub here for... Why are we doing this, again?


"Hey, shut up. It's not that big."


"Talk to the hand, sista!"


Jill ass-to-floor tally up to three.


"Oh, man. What a night. That's the last time I go drinking with that Buck guy."


"I changed my make-up. Did you notice?... Ugh. Men. They never notice... these kinds of things."


I love this series' tradition of having the main protagonists completely forget about their firearms during cutscenes. Really, I do.


"God gawd, woman. These things smell like a trash dump, which was set on fire, and that fire was put out with cow manure. And this is coming from a decomposing dead guy."


"I have a glandular problem, okay?!"


"And I am very sensitive about it!"


Zombie heads are supposed to explode in a glorious blood shower. Not have their rupture and have blood ooze from the socket and have mashed brain goo pouring out of the top.



Nothing instills confidence in a hero, for me at least, like their vomiting at the first sign of gore.


Jill wipes the bits of puke splashed on her shoulder pads (hey, they do serve a purpose) and heads out to the next area in the winding hallway.


She finds herself in a room with a ridiculously high ceiling and a camera angle emphasizing said ceiling. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.


The following room has a few goodies. A defense dagger. Can't have enough of those. An ink ribbon. Probably should save soon. Looks like there's some tea left out. Not the time for that that. Oh yeah, there is...


The fertilizer maker. Things just got interesting.


The shotgun rack lifts up and makes an ominous clicking upon taking its trophy. Now, I know my survival horror and since I don't see a horde of horrible mutants bum rushing our heroine, then this is obviously a trap. One which could easily be remedied by taking a few of those heavy books across the room and weighing down the panel which activates this trap. But, survival horror characters aren't big on the whole MacGuyver innovation.

Jill heads back out to the obvious trap room.


"Why the hell am I the only one with shoulder pads... And a hat... And does everyone else get jackets and I get a form fitting t-shirt? I really need to ask Irons about this."


A ceiling designed to slowly lower until crushing the room's occupants. Clever. Aside from the fact that they installed old wooden doors to block the victim's path and the thing that activates the trap is a fucking shotgun.


Unfortunately, Jill isn't quite bright enough to use her newfound weapon on the doorknob. Oh well, I guess we'll just have to put the thing back until we can find an appropriate way to thwart the trap. Like, a broken shotgun or something to put in its place.


Well...this could be problematic...


Activate the world's most obvious trap and not notice until ten seconds after the fact, apparently.


Oh geez! It looks like a gigantic emblem on the ceiling. This is what my nightmares look like nowadays. Giant emblems from the sky crushing me alive. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if that's how they finally kill of Wesker.


"I know your name and I'm the only woman in the house. Who the fuck else is it going to be?!"


"And the ceiling is about to crush me. I think I should mention that."
"How are you going to fit through the door if you're that big?!"
<sigh> "Just get the door open!"


"Alright, man. Drop the Smucker's and nobody has to get hurt. I SAID DROP IT! Don't make me have to use this, man. I will shoot you! We've got a non-compliant here, Jill! I'm going in! I'M GOING IN!"


This accomplishes absolutely nothing, damage to the knob wise. I'm almost convinced Barry is actually equipped with a fancy Airsoft gun.


"Why on earth would you go into such a tiny room?!"



The intensity of this situation is sort of mired by the fact there's a door opening loading screen between this cap and the next.


I see Jill Valentine is very generous with her rescuers.


"Barry, that's the third reference you've made about me and food this week. Cut it the hell out."


"I was just stalkin-I mean I was worried about you. What with Chris missing and Wesker being evi-a big Elvis fan and all."


Oh, Jesus. Of all the times for the Captain to come out. Change the subject. Find a way out. Remember you're married. Make way to bathroom.


"I'm going to investigate the bathroom. It's a really private investigation. So uhh... Stay away or you could interrupt it."
"Be careful. I smashed a zombie's head in with my boot then puked all over the toilet."
"And there goes that problem... <sigh> I'm going back to the dining room."

Tune in next time for files, puzzles, and grenades!

Bonus Content:

Bathroom Scene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f79TxNju1Xw

Ceiling Trap Scene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kN4Dbi0AV0Q

Original Game Bonus Content:

Jill Sandwich Scene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFVO-8JQQKM