Part 8: Episode VII: The Devil Went Down to Georgia

Episode VII: The Devil Went Down to Georgia

When last we left our hero, he was dicking around way too long in a save room inventory screen. With that said, let's continue...



"What the fuck was that? Why the hell am I holding a greasy key and a dog whistle? Eh, whatever. The sooner I get this over with the sooner I can get back to civilization and get another pack of smokes. I've really got to stop dropping things."

Chris uses the Old Key on the door back upstairs and heads outside.


"I'm not even going to point out how stupid it is that I'm summoning a dog with a whistle while we're on the second floor terrace."


"Owwww! Shit! The hell kind of dog whistle is this?!"


"I know you'll be fine dealing with the ferocious attack dog I attached the leash to. That one likes you. Watch out for the other three, though. I don't think they like you so much."


<cough> "Good thing I flirted enough with the girl down in RPD records, so that all those animal cruelty accounts that were hiking up in Raccoon City mysteriously were lost from the precinct's files. We needed to deal with that...problem...discretely..."


"All that for a dog collar. Wait...how does a key even fit in a collar?"


"Why, that's not a key at all! That memo was a ruse! All this for a subway token. I want my money back, a written letter of apology from my local Congressman and...ohh...what's this? It's got a button?"



"A fake key...? The hell am I going to do with a fake key?! Fake unlock doors to fake get into my fake house at not night time and sleep in my imaginary bed? I need to walk this off."



"Yeah, you came back from the dead again. I'm really impressed."


"Well, hello there."



"Why do I get the feeling this is the first of a very long stream of stupidity coming my way? So, I take it the fake key which I got off the collar of an undead dog which leapt up an entire floor to get me after blowing a whistle I got from... What the hell even was that? So the fake key goes in this thing and that's stop the spinning blades of doom heading my way. Greeeeeat."



"The armor key. Hurray. Judging by the size of this place I probably have to get the helmet, shield, greaves, boots, sword, gauntlet, and codpiece keys."

Chris returns downstairs.


"I really should examine that key better, one of these days."


Chris finds himself in...another hallway. Alright, so starting from the spinning blades of doom room's hallway, going into the place with the arrow, going into the area with the stairs, and now here that is four hallways connected back-to-back. This is getting a bit ridiculous. Hey, what do we have on the table?


This is Chris' secondary defense weapon. I know it says flash grenade, but the key point is 'grenade' here. We'll get back to that in a bit.


Chance of ominous shadow outside cast from the window resulting in a zombie crashing through the window upon return to hallway is at roughly 91% at this time.


Who puts fountains in storerooms? Malls, office complex foyers, maybe a school or two I can see. Creepy mansion back rooms... Not so much?


Tentacle rape is growing from the ground! Chris knows where this is going and is steering way clear of it. However, the Resident Evil hero obsessive compulsive nature compels him to bypass this latest crime against nature.


Conveniently enough, there is a water system to the fountain the tentacle plants (originally a bonsai tree, perhaps?) Too bad Jill is still holding onto that herbicide.


"by heRbicidE, By homicidE, by fratriCide, by sororiCide, by tyrAnnicide, by infanticide, AND A LITTLE gENOCide."

"Err...thanks... I guess..."


I guess beggars can't be choosers. Chris decides not to cut open the bag and pour its contents into the machine.


He decides just heaving the whole bag into the pool ought to be enough.


Well, that's one way to do things. Personally, I would have taken a plant, lit it on fire, and lobbed it into the middle of the tentacle monstrosity. But, herbicide bags dumped into a fountain and sprayed over the obstacle in question is alright, I guess. The hell were we getting past this thing for, anyway?


"Well, this is somewhat unsettling..."


Honestly, why is a special forces team searching for Death Masks in some sad hope of escaping this mansion in the woods? Shouldn't they realize that escaping out the back side of this mansion...still leads to the monster filled woods? Nothing about this operation is particularly well thought out. But, this is S.T.A.R.S. we're dealing with.

Chris heads back into the hallway.


Ya know, it isn't really a good scare if it doesn't trigger until you're half way down the hallway and it's zombies that take so long to get to their feet that you'll already be well down the hallway.


Speaking of hallways, Chris follows this one to its end. A door just off screen to the left, a door to the right, and an unlockable door forward present themselves. Let's try the left one first.


Oh, a room with a statue of a tiger. What else would you find in a mansion in the middle of the Mid-Western United States.


That blue jewel Jill has can be slotted into this thing for...a few shotgun shells. The other eye needs a jewel for part of the items needed for the best ending. We'll get back to that in a very long time from now.

Chris tries the door on the right.


Well, someone has sure been popping the pills. And they left a file behind. How nice of them.

Keeper's Diary


To be fair, when you're playing with someone that looks this shiteating, you're asking to be hustled.


Well, at least someone was doing something about the furry epidemic in Umbrella.


"It got me slightly aroused."


"Something about a gay looking guy in a robe singing opera and leeches. I was still half asleep, so I probably didn't hear it right."


"They worked on Columbus Day. Those monsters."


Animal cruelty based on paranoia due to animal facial expressions is fun.


"Meh, got a plague that'll reanimate your corpse? Meh. Band-aid should fix it. Back to work!"


So the early symptoms of the T-Virus range from speaking in stilted sentences, instant zombification with no warning, or a wicked case of athlete's foot. Interesting.


I think this is more their way of not fucking starving to death as opposed to getting back at you. But, whatever floats your boat.


"Some guy was murdered by the guards. Man I need a bath."





Did Capcom actually just write something vaguely creepy? Biggest fluke of the series.


"I'm undead now and it is..."


"...FAAAAAABULOUS!"


"Oh, darling. Look how you're dressed. Green combat jackets are soooooo last spring."


"Yeah, I got something for ya to chew on."



And that is why Chris is better than Jill.

Tune in next time for more door unlocking than you can handle and a meeting with old friends.

Bonus Content:

Chris Grenade Demo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fModOd4VNBg