Part 13: Episode XIII: Journey to the R.P.D.

When last we left our pair, they were separated by a huge explosion they were nearly caught in due to fighting a zombie whilst driving due to not checking the fucking back seat for zombies. With that said, let's begin...

It's sort of sad the prerendered background is infinitely more detailed than the intro FMV.

Right, so Claire is equipped with a loaded handgun from the glove box (it has 13 bullets initially, I may have taken this cap a few minutes later) and a knife which she was carrying on her vest for...god knows what reason. The knife in this game is utterly useless and a waste of inventory space in no situation I could recommend using. Unless you were made of tofu.

She also has a lock pick. A knife and a lockpick...? What does Claire do to pay for that college tuition?

Claire dodges the zombies in this initial "hey guys, look. We can put a load of zombies in this game's engine!" area. Resident Evil 1's engine was limited to no more than three or four character models on screen at a time.

A police barricade shuffles Claire off the glorious actual street and down Raccoon City's prime tourist attraction: alleyways.

Which, of course, leads to a gun shop. Some would tell you this is a really lousy location for any business. But this is Raccoon City. Alleyway establishments are prime real-estate.

Claire barges in. A voice orders her to freeze.

Judging by the name of the store and that fax earlier with Jill at the RPD, this is Robert Kendo. Who, being the proprietor of a guns and ammo store, took it upon himself to keep a fucking crossbow, of all things, to protect himself.

Kendo proceeds to cock his crossbow not unlike a shotgun. I'm no hunting equipment expert...but I don't think you can actually do that...

Wait, what? This guy has been calmly asking each zombie that shuffles into here its intentions before identifying it as the undead and acting accordingly? And the fact she competently used the door, reacted to a gun being drawn, and wasn't a shambling bloody wreck didn't tip him off? This guy is going places.

Kendo now gets the bright idea to lock the front door.

This took place approximately twelve minutes ago when the Burger King attendant tossed a severed arm on the counter when he requested a Big Mac with Fries.

By that, he means staring at her intently as she rifles through his stuff. Strangely, he does the same thing should Leon have come by.

Unimpressed by Kendo's rapetastic introduction, Claire heads for the backdoor.

Kendo's 'close eye on things' apparently did not entail the row of door sized unprotected glass windows.

Claire does what any good Samaritan would do...

...runs out the back and doesn't look back.

This alley leads to a locked B-Ball court where the urban youth would toil away their troubles of living in a city composed entirely of fucking alleyways.

A few steps down the path and the zombies figure out they can open doors by walking into them long enough.

Unfortunately, Bob Kendo decided to wedge his truck into the alleyway, completely smashing off his rearview mirrors in the process, trapping Claire. It's not like should could step up the unlocked and open back end of the van and climb over the roof. That would be silly.

Claire guns down a few zombies and meets with a new adversary, who claims his skills on the paint are unmatched.

Sadly, his arm tears off at his first attempt to dunk and he's forced into a humiliating defeat.

Claire finds herself in another alleyway. But, let's pause here for a second... What the fuck is this girl wearing?

From what I can tell, it looks to be a wetsuit with a bright pink sleeveless vest (which has a Queen reference, of all things, on the back of it) and a knife holster on the shoulder over it. Along with pink Daisy Dukes, again over the wetsuit. And finally, knee high renaissance fair boots that look like they're from the fucking Legend of Zelda.

Jill still wins the contest for most retarded get-up, but this comes in at a close second.

All the best advertising is done behind buildings under fire exits.

Someone is really into the Fire Flower power-up in Mario Brothers.

Of all the deaths in this series, I must say 'death by butterknife' that guy in the foreground claimed...wins by a landslide.

Yet another reason why hummers and zombie outbreaks don't mix.

Claire, unwilling to climb over a minor obstacle, decides to board a nearby bus to evade the horde.

This is about how my experiences riding inner-city bus lines went as well.

Well, the volume of police cars and dead cops is increasing. Either we're at the aftermath of that awesome shoot-out from Heat or the RPD is around here.

It sure is going to be a trick to climb all that barricade crap from earlier, though.

Maybe there's an alternate route.

Well, if this isn't a familiar face. Who says getting a tentacle through your head won't turn you into a zombie? Unfortunately, Ms. Redfield isn't prepared to face the meanest zombie in the game. As he'll only appear if she doesn't pick up anything on the way here item wise. We'll have a chat with old Bradley Vickers in a while.

Oh hey, someone was nice enough to remove the barricade mess surrounding the station. They even cleaned up that giant pool of blood from where Brad was laying face down bleeding out of his neck. That was swell of them.

Did they really abbreviate the name of the place on the front door sign? That seems a bit excessively lazy.

"I knew that guy was a moron..."

Tune in next time for zombies, more fatties, and why helicopter pilot is a terrible occupation to have in this series in Episode XIV: The 'R' Stands for 'Retarded'

Bonus Content

Claire gets eaten by zombies:
Video