Part 15: Episode XV: Aww Hell Naw.

When last we left our heroine, she'd just arrived at the RPD. Which was likely a very, very bad idea...

Nobody told Claire the RPD was a three story tall death trap. But that's half the fun of this series, isn't it?

Someone was nice enough to remove the boards nailed over the doors in the RPD as well. Though, they decided an electronic lock security system would work better. Pricks.

This overly elaborate ornamental fountain has a light bit of reading and a demand for an emblem fetch quest upon it.

I'll wait for the Unicorn,
the beautiful beast."

So basically, Claire is in need of a Unicorn emblem of some sorts. Oh God, Code Veronica flashbacks.

Claire checks out the computer system Jill used earlier. The one activated the card she pilfered off of Brad's still warm corpse.

Unfortunately, the computer requires another keycard for the previously boarded up doors. We can see how popular Brad was with the staff.

Claire tries the door behind the front desk. It just happens to be unlocked still.

Well hey, Marvin is less dead than he was earlier.

"There was this S.T.A.R.S. member dressed like a prostitute. But that was a day ago. Who knows?"

"...and that one girl with the huge ass and masculine haircut that wouldn't stop saying 'yes, sir' that nobody liked"

"That new Britney Spears single was just too catchy."

"In retrospective, we may have been a bit assholish considering over half their team was dead, there was that mansion that exploded outside town, and they had a near library of files collaborating their claims."

Note: There are no survivors in other rooms.

Chances of Marv being alive when she gets back: 0.023%

Despite being half dead lying on the floor, Marvin is able to spring to his feet and lock the door immediately behind Claire. He's probably a big faker like that prick, Mikhail.

Marv actually did fork over an invisible ID Card.

The following doors unlock. To keep things consistent, we'll assume Claire immediately locked all of them again and the upstairs one, for good measure, for no reason other than to be a mean spirited bitch. Poor Leon...

Claire heads into the one next to where Marvin was camping out on the floor. The first file of the game presents itself. I know you all must be beside yourselves in anticipation.

POLICE MEMORANDIUM

That was it? No long monologues about the woes of some poor soul knocking on heaven's door? No ruminations on the ethical struggles of mad scientists? They moved a fucking safe and left the combination on a memo in the waiting room? I want my money back!

By the way, just what the hell is that thing in the middle of the room? That's the least impressive sculpture ever.

Claire ducks into the door behind the waiting room. It really is dark out tonight, isn't it? Why was she waiting until the wee hours of the night to get into town? Leon for that matter? I don't plan a trip and nod my head declaring 2:00 AM is a good ETA for arrival when driving...

Remember that town ordinance in place requiring all businesses be within fifteen feet of an alleyway? That same law also declared all buildings must be composed, at minimum, of 45% hallway.

At the end of the hall we have a little shutter control panel. It is, of course, severed and in need of a replacement wire. I'm don't know what to ask. Why there are emergency shutters for just this hallway or who decided to take a scissors to the wire? Though, given the competency rate for this police force thus far, I'm not surprised.

Case in point. This was the result of a couple deputies trying to change the light bulb.

That's racist.

Claire ventures further down the hall and notices the puddle of blood in the middle of the hall. Her eyes rise to the roof to see the sources. Damned bad camera angles!

Through the power of FMV, the fuse box and door are magically whisked away!

Well, that's horrific.

This encounter scared the shit out of Claire so bad she turned into a man.

Thus continued the Resident Evil tradition of setting up scenes to spawn completely fucked Japanese rape comics...

This happens a few times in the CGI scenes, where the characters speak without opening their mouths. Either they're thinking and it's coming out aloud or they didn't bother animating the lip movement. Honestly, it could go either way.

Update after next, you knave! Keep with the theme!

Tune in next time for wacky Leon antics involving valves, helicopters, and eight foot tall bald guys in Episode XVI: Señor X.