Part 30: Episode XXX: Officer Down!

When last we left our hero, that bitch, Ada, had invalidated his hours of item collection. With that said, let's get the heck through these lousy sewers...

Thought you were finished with the sewers, didn't you? You tool.

The duo find themselves in a mirror version of the office Claire passed through earlier. As sewer maintenance requires two large office areas.

The pair cram onto an elevator leading down to, non-surprisingly, the same hallway Claire took a lift down to earlier. I mean, why wouldn't a secret passageway to a torture dungeon of a mad public official and the back room of a sewage treatment plant lead to the same path?

The couple come across Annette, who is coming to realize she totally got duped by Claire's "run the direction I just came" line.

What was Annette's role in the viral development anyway? Lab gopher? Blow jobs at lunch breaks for the hubbie's 'research'?

"Stop yelling my fucking name!"

Annette opens fire on Ada. Missing the first two shots by a wide margin.

Leon with the sack!

"By the way, let's just be friends."

Chasing...

Chasing...

OH GAWD! NOT THE ROACHES!

Chasing...

Despite missing Ada by a sizable margin several times earlier, Annette manages to shoot the gun out of her hands. All the while Ada was running in a terribly girly flailing arms fashion. Impressive.

How in the hell did Ada manage to miss seeing Annette anyhow? Nearsighted?

Must everyone introduce themselves like they're in a Bond movie?

Did Umbrella have a private screening of the meaning behind each researcher's private password? Annette didn't even work there. Why would she know any of this?

No he wasn't. You're a goddamn liar with a ridiculous attachment to your fuck up nimrod of a husband.

No! Not John! This is tragic.

Resident Evil 1 Spoiler: (SPOILER: We actually do meet John there and blow his head off with Chris or Jill. There's even a file addressed to Ada.)

I guess that whole "saving your only child" thing is secondary to "advertising your dead husband's résumé."

How is Willie Birkin getting so much fame for his exploits in the police department? Mr. X wrecked up far more shit than he did and the Lickers had a multitude more threatening roar than Birkin's janitor howl imitation. Ada never even saw the guy.

His research... Which was commissioned and funded by Umbrella, done in an Umbrella owned secret laboratory, and an offshoot of prior established Umbrella products? Gee, why would they ever want a piece of that?

Annette let's her repressed sexuality get the best of her and gazes at Ada's boobs for a moment.

"Utterly generic and bought at a JC Penney?"

I've gotta say, that is a bit flimsy an answer.

Oh snap! Hot 32-bit catfighting action!

I don't know about you guys, but I'd say this is getting hot.

Ada with the bitchslap!

Followed up by the Ocelot hand gesture.

Annette plummets fifteen feet into the piss filled water below.

Oh, Ada. You card.

Parents of the fucking year...

Ada heads down to the lower level and decides that's a good place to take a breather. Were the alligator still alive, it would fart in her general direction or something. But, it's not so it doesn't so Ada just spaces out instead.

Ironically, that is the third time this has happened to Leon this month, as well.

Leon shrugs and trots off into human waste. A great environment for any fresh open wound. He soon comes to Ada back where both a giant alligator dwelled and unspeakable incestuous impregnation took place.

"Leon!"
"Yeah, Ada?!"
"Stop yelling my fucking name!"

Patching up takes place.

"..."
"What?
"The bandages..."
"Oh, I always carry around a full bandage first aid kit under my belt, just in case of emergencies."
"..."
"What?"
"It's not that..."
"Then what?"
"You treated and bandaged the bullet wound to my FUCKING UNIFORM! Heaven forbid we loose one of the RPD's finest officer uniforms, you tart."

"No, really. Don't. Claire killed that alligator. That line doesn't even make sense now."

So, she's been perusing a guy for six plus months and just drops him like a wet newspaper as soon as she discovers she's dead. You know what that means, folks?

Tune in next time for monsters in need of nail clippers, badass weapon upgrades, mutations, and the beginning of shitty love subplots in Episode XXXI: Love at First Bite