Part 36: Episode XXXVI: The Self Destruct Sequence Has Been Activated

When last we left our heroes. Oh shi-

Remember that lonely conveniently placed console Ada smashed with her demonstration of ragdoll physics?

Yeah, that just happened to turn on the unstoppable multi-billion dollar base destruction system...

Bottom platform? Are we going to hit the earth's core by the bottom of this lab?

Everyone always remembers their first.

Ada dropped this, by the way. It's easily missed during the cutscene and at a terrible camera angle to see the token shiny item tell. I wonder if you smack around her corpse a few times if more keys, gold, maybe a glass sword will pop out.

Not wanting to stick around for ground zero of the base explosion, Leon heads toward the elevator.

A few hundred feet below...

Didn't you know? Fire turns all Tyrants into Salad Fingers.

At that time...

What kind of jerk-off monitor demands you distinguish things?

Claire sliding in for the rebound.

"I just can't see your bandages. Lousy technology."

No mention that Sherry is about five minutes away from some insane transformation into a terrible mutant? Or even that she's a bit sick? Claire keeps up the ice queen act like it's going out of style.

Thanks for being vague as fuck, as always. Of all the places visited thus far, the beginning save room with a bed didn't strike me as 'security office' material.

Claire runs off to mix up that DEVIL vaccine. Which is located all the way back up the ridiculously tall ladder, across the Death Star platforms and through the previously locked room by the freezer. That's going to take a bit of leg work, so let's check on Leon...

Due to his amazing powers of police deduction and the fact he just got a key to the place, Leon discovers what the hell Claire meant by "security office".

"Yeah, I barely know who the hell she is either."

Leon carries Sherry to the elevator.

Time to put that kooky Master Key to use. That use being a revelation that this is an elevator that not only travels up and down but sideways as well... They made a lift that goes sideways only to get to an emergency exit... They have a giant elevator with a train on it for every day use which must have had tons and tons of cubic feet of earth displaced to make. But for this little piddly lift nobody uses...it goes sideways...

Going down... fucking SIDEWAYS...

Claire arrives at her destination. She'd best be thankful Umbrella self destruct sequences are tuned only to 'plot convenient' and 'boss fight' settings.

An actually laboratory looking setting reveals itself. On the rolling bed, Claire finds...

This doohickey! Don't worry. College kid that rides motorcycles is more than qualified for this procedure.

First, Claire must insert that thingie into this "VAM". What "VAM" is an acronym for is never made clear. But, the general consensus seems viral antidote cultivation and mixing drinks.

After that, it's just a simple press of a button and lights flash. I'm confident this is a 100% successful procedure and the antidote should work smashingly. Given Umbrella's flawless success rate thus far.

The machine does its thing and produces... a vial of semen...

Also found in this room is the "MO disk". Which is apparently a 3.5" floppy disk which opens that big ass door earlier. I guess they're trying to phase out emblems and roll in with obsolete technology. Look for doors opened by 8-Tracks and Beta tapes in a Resident Evil 5.

Claire heads all the way back downstairs.

Huh... Scaffolds over bottomless pits. Several hundred foot tall ladders. Sideways elevators. Open pools of molten steel. Now a train station. Ya know, it's not that out of the ordinary, here.

The pair proceed in.

In appropriate touching, officer!

Leon checks out the front engine. He should be able to operate a train, right?

The motor cannot be
activated due to the
insufficient power.

Isn't not having the emergency train powered up sort of detrimental to the whole 'emergency escape' thing?

Leon checks the back of the train for clues.

Type writers, item boxes, ink ribbons, ah. Here we are.

The ten second detour excuse item.

Leon heads back out to unlock the door next to the lift. Let's check on Claire...

In the other scenario, Claire just has her pendant tossed in the lava and Mr. X barrels after it. That's her big scene...

The vial of splooge-like substance goes in.

The vaccine comes out. It takes over the character specific item slot, as it means business.

There sure are a lot of abridged actions here, no?

Honestly, why wouldn't the keycard allow access to this? It's not even an emergency area.

Bio the way, folks. There are biohazardous materials in this place. Crazy, I know. Did you know Umbrella owns it, too? I was shocked.

"Aww..."

"...shit."

No hurrying up for potential escapees. Five minutes left? Fuck you employees. No wonder they had to have their base of operations in Raccoon City. It takes a special kind of dumb for working like a company like this and Raccoon City is the cream of the crop.

Oh well, time to get the hell out of dodge for our heroes.

I'm still not getting why they need to have all those lights to indicate the elevator's position when there's two stops...

Don't be another giant mutant. Please be Gordon Freeman. Please be JC Denton. Please be Frank Zappa. Don't be another giant mutant...

Ah shit! It's never Frank Zappa.

Willie B is back with a vengeance and he isn't giving up his watermelon Kool-Aid stash without a fierce battle.

There's only one way to deal with a situation like this.

You've gotta fight fire with fire...

Elsewhere...

I wonder if this is going to be one of those 'all at once' self destruct sequence or the 'everything explodes and collapses like it's Castlevania and the Count just took a whip to the face'...

A brief pit stop, first.

Gee, it's almost like they want Leon to have two free spaces in his inventory or something. I wonder what that's all about...

Leon proceeds into the next area...

Yes, those are open pools of lava with fire erupting from them in this emergency escape area. No, I cannot even begin to fathom a reason for it...

the inside facilities
and the train.
The high capacity plugs have
been disconnected and the
generator is not working.

So this tiny console is the back-up generator for the entire facility...? The same facility that had a ten story tall structure, with arks of electricity shooting off it, powering it earlier?

The power supply will be
cut temporarily.
The emergency train will
be activated upon
restoration of power."

Let's see. Power is dim for a limited amount of time... Area is probably locked down due to it... Open pools of molten lava crackling with fire on each side... Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we have a boss fight on our hands...

"Sí, señor. It's a boss fight, ese."
"Wait, you can speak American?"

"It's called English, idiota."

Nifty transition effect!

Willie B didn't take that whole Hadoken thing too well. He's forced to resort to his final option.

Turning into some kind of dog teeth torso thinger. I don't even know how to describe this one. It has eyes on its ass... Quite frankly, it's too silly to even justify the thought of it having survived more than twenty seconds before collapsing into a toxic pile of goo...

Twenty seconds later...

See what I mean?

Oh well, no use crying over spilt milk.

Claire has a horizontal moving elevator to ride. Positioned in such a way it's likely literally going over top the sideways elevator. Did they run out of funds digging miles of earth and depositing it god knows well?

Is anyone actually reading these italicized captions? Shit, I barely am.

"Your discrimination over de country of my origin is most disrespectful, mah. At least I can hold a job. What are you doing, eh? Lost your job on your first day? Itz pathetic, ese. What kinda cop are you?"

"Shut up! Shut up! I hate essays! I cheated on my final exam at the academy! No... I never even went to an academy. I got my certification on some website I Googled. I put down I had 20 years of law enforcement experience I was on a Counter-Terrorist team on my application... That was a fucking Counter-Strike clan... How was I to know they'd actually hire me?!"
"Man, too much information..."
"Look, don't you tell anyone. I-I've got money and cou-"

Just then...

Sure is great that pair of bright red lights next to your face don't cast a shadow, mysterious woman.

: "It's not Ada. Stop yelling my...her fucking name, you twit. Now don't ask any more questions and blow up the monster"
"But if you theoretically were Ada Wong, how would you have come back from the dead after suffering massive spinal trauma, make your way down several hundred feet in the complex while both elevators are in use, and happen upon heavy artillery in a laboratory?"
"Would you believe it was theoretically the help of a guy wearing sunglasses at 5:00 AM who gained super speed and strength after using a magic virus which was activated by him being impaled by what you're fighting now's big brother?"
"No... No, I would not believe such a tale."
"Well, I told you not to ask."
"I'm still here... Now, you were saying about money?"

"Never mind..."

"Return of Ganon!"

"You're fucking terrible at one-liners, bro."

"Ha ha! Shows what you know. I'd say I was dead on. Get it? Man, I've got to start using those one-liners more often. Not on Spaniards anymore, though. Someone might think I'm racist."

Leon rushes back to the train car.

I don't know if he's going to make it with...

Who knew train conductor was such an easy gig.

Gee, the guy you'd talked to all of ten lines isn't bothering to wait for you. Shocking turn of events, huh?

I guess I spoke too soon. Hell, the two of them are going to want to jump each other's chain if they just stare silently at one another for the duration of this train ride.

One more time, for old time's sake...

Claire does a 'tard dance for a moment, having missed the initial door, before realizing she can get on in-between the cars.

Ah, so it was one of those Castlevania style destruct sequences.

Leon protects young Sherry with a combination of coating her with coagulated blood from his festering wound and general post sewer and several mile hike body odor.

So ends the multi-billion dollar underground Umbrella base. Due to a single console in a service corridor getting smashed.

I've simply run out of Captain Obvious jokes for Leon...

There is, of course, no mention of how exactly to administer said antidote. Orally? Injection (whoops, forgot the syringe). Something much worse?

Here. Have a train flyby cut to sidestep the entire issue...

"Come oooooon! Tell me, Claire."
"Fine. You know the big gross mutant with the giant eye?"
"Yeah."
"That was her dad."
"No shit?"
"Yes. Now, due to some sort of hard wired defense mechanism for mutants of the G-Virus, he was compelled to implant his daughter with mutant offspring by orally injecting embryos through a phallus tentacle in his hand."
"Never let me ask for details again."
"Noted."

"AHH! FUCK! SHE'S TURNED!"

"Jesus Christ! What's wrong with you?!"

Look, he's spooked by late 90's CGI. Just be happy he hasn't seen himself in a mirror.

I'm just imagining waking up and seeing these two mugs. It's chilling.

Leon begins to walk off, quickly losing interest, as usual.

"But, seriously... Save it for the sequel, sugar tits. We're done here."

So does she worship some sort of biker angel god or did she just make a crack about religion being a farce? I'm confused.

Sherry Birkin. Orphaned at the age of twelve and stuck with a surly fake police officer and a creepy pagan biker chick. This child is going places...

Up front...

Nice of Leon to have utterly forgotten seeing her alive and with a rocket launcher not five minutes ago...









Well, that was fun folks. Tune in next time for...

Oh, come on!

Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion...for real this time...in Episode XXXVII: The Explosive Season Finale

Bonus Content

Claire looses her head over things:
Video

When playing fetch goes horribly wrong:
Video

Leon gets his day wrecked:
Video

Leon S. Kennedy vs. T-103:
Video

A nice, happy not-ending:
Video