Part 4: Episode IV: Mencia

Welcome back. When last we left our heroine, she'd just unlocked something! Goddamn master of it, I tell ya. With that said, let's carry on...

Jill finds herself in...surprise! Another narrow back alley! The mugging rates in Raccoon City must be phenomenal. Well, that and they have one police precinct for 100,000+ people.

Jill ventures further into the city, a bit oblivious to her surroundings. Along the way, she happens upon the corpse of one of those mercenaries from the intro. She'll be seeing a lot of these guys plastered about in the next few hours. Anyhow, Jill loots his corpse and runs across yet another of those nifty little files. Gotta catch 'em all.

MERCENARY'S DIARY

"I...dropped... the SCREW in the TUNA!! I...dropped the SCREW... in the TUNA!! It was me! Oh, the humanity!!"

"And saved me a bundle on my car insurance."

I think we've reached the moment where Umbrella steps from amoral conglomerate to cartoonishly villainous.

"In retrospective, I probably shouldn't have left my C-Rations to make room for my journal..."

You've gotten your wish, trooper. You're a pre-rendered corpse. Be free...

Jill shoves the diary wherever she's keeping this small library and continues down the alley.

This city has a 10:1 street to alley ratio. Something catches Jill's eye.

A fire hose attached to a back alley where it couldn't possibly do any good. Nifty.

Unfortunately, it seems Jill will need some assistance to get this thing off. Still, a perfectly logical and real world obstacle once more. In fact, there's only a single outlandish emblem puzzle in the entirety of the first act of this game.

Jill heads down the other end of the alley. Raccoon City really needs a grass roots urban renewal project, assuming this whole zombie holocaust thing blows over.

Jill finds herself in an actual street! I'm as shocked as you are. The sound of yelling and gunfire echo in the distance.

Well, someone is getting a ticket for parking in a No Parking Zone.

It would seem the poor sap yelling earlier didn't make it. The zombie dogs also apparently ate his assault rifle he was just firing. Pricks.

Not wanting to become dog food herself, Jill ducks into the nearby parking garage.

Also a lucrative canine hangout.

Proceeding further in, Jill finds a car battery being charged to the point it's crackling with electricity.

Being a well versed heroine of the '90s, Jill sees no reason not to grab it.

She then skips into the main office of the garage. The way out of the front is inaccessible. She hasn't validated her parking, you see.

Another save room presents itself. Bit of a down time we're in, it would seem.

So, that's why there's so many dogs around. There was a pet shop stocked entirely with Dobermans. Quite a specialty shop.

Raccoon City's answer to the Running of the Bulls.

Jill finds herself in an under construction alleyway. Meta. Anyhow, she is now officially in the Downtown area of Raccoon City. She was previously in the posh Uptown neighborhood. Will there be any less narrow pathways? You wish.

Jill creeps forward. A box hangs haphazardly suspended at the crosswalk of the path. Like any good environmental hazard should be.

She finds a corpse drained of its blood. What do you think? Better or worse than being devoured by a zombie? Howabout Nemesis skullfucking? Where does that rank in? I saw a study once on the scientific merit of the five second rule. There'd better be one on the most painful way to die in survival horror games.

Aww. Jill made a friend. This cute little guy is a "Drain Deimos". One of the three or four unique monsters to the game.

As the name suggests, well the 'Drain' part at least (Deimos is an ancient Greek personification of terror ) it's primary attack is draining blood blood, making it like some sort of giant horrific mosquito. You do this by standing on their back legs, screeching, and running about like a brain damaged kid who sees candy.

It also swipes anyone who passes by with its legs, making it a bit to just run past. They're basically this game's answer to the Lickers. What's a Licker? A much better creature design we'll see soon enough. Not this game, though.

Luckily, only a shotgun blast or two downs these fellows. The dodge ability also works better than it does with 90% of enemies against them.

Jill rounds the corner and finds yet another one of these buggers.

This is just how I deal with mosquitoes. What? It gets the job done. Sure, you run the risk of getting some pixels in your eye. But no pain, no gain.

Jill returns to the staircase she was rudely interrupted from climbing. Unfortunately, it leads to an elevator that is battery operated. Alright, that's a bit odd. But, I suppose I can still accept it in realm of reality.

Jill heads back the opposite direction and finds yet another doorway.

This opens up to another alleyway. Another one of those mercenaries is gunning down a zombie down the path and runs off. Jill gives chase.

Unfortunately, he vanishes because they can't show doors opening he ran into a nearby restaurant before Jill could catch up. Hey, Biohazard 4 is playing.

"Meh. I'll wait for the DVD."

Anyhow, just behind Jill is an odd little fountain...watering hole...sewage run-off...thing.

An open book shaped slot presents itself to the right. I don't think that's what that backwards upside-down writing says.

To the left is another slot, this one filled with a clock emblem.

Excuse me, Bronze Compass.

This is somehow the triggering mechanism for the fountains. Or perhaps they're community hobo showers. Regardless, Jill must resist the urge for a wet t-shirt contest as that water electrified and the electrical current is climbing up the stream of water. Would it really work like that? I cannot say. But, the Emblem Gods demand a sacrifice for this little mind boggler, so Jill is forced to return the compass for now.

She heads into Grill 13. A fine eatery name if there ever was one.

It still takes her twenty minutes to be seated.

A bit ahead, Jill discovers yet another one of those crazy fun time Files. There's 30 in all this game!

CITY GUIDE

Hey, it's one of the advisors from Sim City.

Sorry, I slipped into a temporary daze by that vicious assault of irony and foreshadowing.

We'll never see old Mayor Warren during the course of this or any of the other games in the series, although he is mentioned more than a few times. One of his family members will show up at one point briefly. But, that's another story.

Ms. Valentine heads into the kitchen to see if she can rummage up a ham sandwich on rye. Though, the sanitary conditions of the place are a bit in question, what with the sewage system access in the middle of the kitchen.

To make no mention of the leaking gas pipes there for no apparent reason other than to leak.

Our pun named heroine makes her way to the back and attempts to loot the restaurant safe. Remember, 'simple locks' are code for 'lockpick'. She's the fucking master of unlocking, she can determine the complexity of all locks just by a glance.

Unfortunately, the safe has been cleaned out, leaving only a crowbar in its wake. Somewhere out there, a man in emo glasses and a tricked out hazmat suit is squealing in joy.

Jill locks herself into a position she's all too familiar with and lifts the basement grating. Maybe Grill 13 has a liquor license.

A noise alerts Jill to a Peaking Tom.

"Giggity."

Meet Carlos Oliveira. He'll be this game's obligatory sidekick character. He's kind of a tool, but mostly harmless. Not remotely as obnoxious as Steve or retarded as Ashley.

We also have a proper name for the Redshirt Umbrella Army.

Gee, what tipped you off?

"This really loud clock started ticking and this guy started yelling "damn it!". It just threw us all off our game."

"Baby, I could smell that snatch for miles."

Jill has to make a quick decision. Does she run into the basement, which is utterly retarded when a giant monster is chasing you. Or hiding in the kitchen. Which is...still pretty stupid.

Regardless, Jill decides perhaps ducking behind a counter will allow her to evade a monster that's tracked her down a quarter of the way across the city.

"What is dis shit on dah menu? 'Quiche Lorraine', the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Jill grabs a lit candle and lobs it at the Nemesis.

"Your ho ass can't touch me and my mad skillz. I'm unstoppable on the paint."

"Oh lawd..."

Luckily, diffusion is a foreign concept to the Resident Evil universe and only the immediate kitchen area explodes.

Carlos will only accept being sautéed or smoked.

Jill notices Nemmy has dropped something.

Well, parts for half a handgun. Nifty. The Nemesis, at certain points in the game (usually only once per specific area) will drop items when downed (which takes a shit load of ammo to do...or a convenient plot escape.)

They are (one per drop):
1st: Eagle Parts A
2nd: Eagle Parts B (An upgraded handgun with higher chance for criticals)
3rd: Health Spray pack (holds three health sprays in a single item slot. Comes full.)
4th: M37 Parts A
5th: M37 Parts B (A sawed off, double barrel shotgun with quick, sexy reload action. Similar to the shotgun Arnie uses in Terminator 2).
6th: A second Health Spray pack.
7th: An infinite ammo upgrade. It can be combined with a single weapon to gain infinite ammo for it. This weapon will be the magnum or you are a moron.

I won't be going out of my way to get any of these, simply because it's minor upgrades versus and blowing all your ammo on Nemmy or getting to shotgun zombies when you're ahead. The latter is far more entertaining.

The two high tail it out the back before-

"NOOOOOO! My bling! My 'fro! What have you done?!"

Luckily, Carlos is able to down him again with a single burst from his gun during the loading screen.

The two take a moment to rest. Carlos begins to walk off.

"Do you really think it's a good idea to roll up your sleeves and take off your undershirt when there's flesh eating zombies running about?"
"Lady, have you looked at yourself in a mirror today?"
"...touché."

He thinks she's a hooker.

Sad thing is this is about as much development as we'll get out of either of them that single exchange...

"Just, with no way to evacuate the civilians, inadequate supplies, and they sent about two dozen of us to cover a town of 100,000. Great benefits, though."

"So, you saw this coming and didn't leave town until now?"
"Yeah, well I..." *rubs neck*

I'm sorry, that was just a terribly worded analogy... Just horrible stuff.

Don't honk her jugs. Don't honk her jugs.

And so Carlos runs off leaving the ill equipped civilian to fend for herself. Real dedicated, that guy...

Tune in next time for fires, mercenaries, jewel hunts, and Russian stereotypes in Episode V: Umbrella Brought Crappy Soldiers.

Bonus Content

Jill gets drained:
Video