Part 43: Episode XLIII: Big Things a Comin'

Welcome back. When last we left our hero, he had just witnessed the only brief flickers of competence from his whole home organization go up in smoke, after a patriotic fuck yeah action sequence. With that said, let's make our pace toward the finish...

Poor Leon and his quest for a chum adds another victim.

Leon heads into a nearby ruin where he saw Saddler wander off into.

Nearby...

That was the stealthiest damn chopper to ever fly, considering it flew right over Ada's head as well and she apparently didn't notice.

Ada follows in the direction Leon journeyed. Could this be a mid-chapter meet up between the two?

Shortly into the ruins, Leon stops and yells in pain.

"I was just browsing 'Leon S. Kennedy' on Deviantart. It's nothing."

This is what happened every time Leon wanted to ask a girl out on a date in high school.

"A vital part of myself seems to have undergone rigor mortis, madam."

Leon never got that hug thing down pat.

Ironically, this is how most relationships ended with Ada after Raccoon City. Explaining why she's still hung up on Leon's goofy ass.

"I should have asked if you were into the whole auto-erotic asphyxiation thing beforehand. It's a common misunderstanding."

"Gee, I guess I really should have taken these pills to suppress the parasites when Luis gave them to me ten hours ago."

Ada's made it as a femme fatale this long without catching anything, she's not about to break her lucky streak.

I'd think it would be easier to get rid of the parasite before confronting a guy that can make you double over in agony due to it. But, I guess I have no place to speculate on priorities.

*sigh* "Why do all the men I date have to turn into zombies?"

A short jog finds Ada in yet another dimly lit musty interior.

Well, what do we have here?

The sad part is that it was actually full of trapped kittens.

"Hey, baby. That's not the only wiggling squirming thing in the sack."

Ada takes a hike down the hall, coming to a jail cell row. Of particular interest...

Oh Capcom, why must you taunt us with enemy types you didn't bother to program for the sub-scenario you threw together.

Leon heads in shortly there after.

He too wonders what's in that non-discrete rusted container.

Video

Kittens, you fiend! What have you done?!

The Regenerator, the last one of the game, has since came to life and stalks toward Leon. Leon readies his rifle one last time.

Outside...

At this rate, Leon is going to catch up to Ada. Unless he gets stuck in another time warp like the time it took him a stairwell, boiler room, empty corridor, and elevator ride to make it to the Krauser knife fight in the time it too Ada to battle through a debris filled tunnel, single-handedly destroy a battle ship, battle through another large outdoor area, then run through the exact same three rooms as Leon and still make it in time for the last quarter of the battle.

The hand of haphazardly crafted side stories intervenes.

AOL is getting really aggressive with their trial CDs distribution.

"Souls... Come unto me..."

Ada, that was a terrible one liner.

She then went sailing clear off the other side of the building, overshooting Krauser by a good 20 yards.

Krauser went on to be a spokesman for fire prevention awareness.

You know, lose the combat pants and he'd look vaguely like a Power Rangers villain.

You're as bad as this one-liner thing as Leon. You two make a perfect couple.

Down below...

"The Plagas is getting to me. This support beam jutting out of the wall vanished before my eyes."

Assorted mayhem and button pressing along with the wily antics that go along side it ensues. All the while Leon manages to miss the entire boss battle between his kinda-love interest and horribly mutated back from the dead a second time rival.

Back above...

I'll be honest. This boss battle is pathetic and it's quite clear that the developers went, "hey guys, we've already got this battle programmed for Assignment Ada. Draw straws for who's doing the copy and paste retool."

It's also fairly clear, they got no voice actors back aside from Ada, Wesker, and Luis for this sub-scenario and this battle is no different, as it's all of Krauser's soundbites, minus the ones where he says "Leon" at some point. Which was all but about two.

In the example Capcom has presented here, the following battle will be portrayed by poorly copied and pasted shirtless muscle men.

"How must I prepare you must ask yourself. Shall I jump of the tallest building of the world, or do I lay on the lawn and let it run over me with lawnmowers , or should I go to Africa and let it trample me with raging elephants"

"Come on Bennett, throw away the chicken shit gun, you don't just want to pull the trigger, you want to put the knife in me, and look me in the eye, and see what's going on in there when you turn it, that's what you want to do, right?"

"Sir, do we get to win this time?"

"I live on - through this arm!"

"Challenge me? ya hot spunky kid. I hate spunk."

"..."

"I'll steak my hams wit jour butt."

"Crom laughs at your four winds. He laughs from his mountain."

*grunts*

"You conceited, wretched human!"

"Hiiiiiii!"

Realistically, it took about six knife swipes to kill the guy.

Oh, right. The arm...

"Right. Now where's that hunk of man that just strangled me...?"

So ends Jack Krauser...err...again. He died as he lived. With women joking about his penis size...

Will Leon be able to rescue Ashley? Will they be able to escape the terrible influence of Las Plagas? Find out next time in Episode XLIV: Merging Ways