Part 18: Episode XVIII: Snow Crash

Welcome back. When last we left our duo, they played through Resident Evil: Survivor and hate themselves for it. Also, Alfred hijacked the plane and is flying them around with his transvestite magic. With that said, let's continue...

The traumatic experience of Survivor has rendered Claire comatose. Meanwhile, Steve has merely slipped into a shellshocked state.

...and maybe a bit horny.

Steve goes into make a move. Steve having to make a move on sleeping girls only? This guy? You're kiddin' me.

Cockblocked.

Steve laments quietly in the corner.

The FUTURE!

"Why does it smell like stinky cheese breath and grease in front of me?"

Steve, that's the AM radio station.

Stock footage of Alaska. I'm convinced.

That's right. The Antarctic. Where only penguins, Morgan Freeman, and Kurt Russell dare roam. The game felt the need to find the silliest possible location for a second half of the game and it delivered.

Who are you and what have you done with Claire Redfield?!

Eh...I can live with Uncanny Valley Steve...

Uhh...Steve. I know the plane's on magic autopilot and all, but I think you ought to still have control of the landing gear...

Steve?

Steve!  Please be dead! 

Come on come on come on!

Shit!

Claire and Steve gather themselves before heading out.

So Alfred used his magic remote control autopilot to crash the plane...but only in the sense that it wrecked and there was minor damage to his secondary facility's infrastructure? Sounds par for the course...

Steve leaps out of the plane and waits to catch Claire.

Leon wouldn't have fallen down like a pussy.

"Shit...we're going to have a love subplot, aren't we?"

Claire gets back to her feet.

The face of Steve Burnside dawning upon the fact that's the closest he'll ever get to getting laid...

Steve ignores Claire's hand and jumps to his feet.

Yeah, Alfred dresses up like women and zombies are no longer alive but have become the undead. Have any other fucking pearls of wisdom?

Okay, kiddies.
Small South American island =/= Fucking Antarctica

Steve runs off, as he is an...well, this goes without saying at this point....

I just wanted to point out the only ladder in the entire game there's no load screen for using. Marvel at its glory.

There's a load of rooms in this new Antarctic Base facility. Trouble is, the power's out and it's darker than a Mars Base. We need to fix that post haste.

Heading downstairs.

"That or there was one mess circle jerk going on for something..."

Claire rounds the corner and encounters a new foe (which she'll only encounter in this corridor), the moths. Eh...I'll get to them in a minute. It's friggin' dark.

Can't see shit!

Oh, a key item manages to still sparkle in the inky darkness. Those guys.

Alright, there are some things to do in this room that must be done now.

Firstly, this is needed for that whole "sight" sense to be useful here.

Slightly further in the room, right where Claire is standing in the corner, if your monitor doesn't suck and you can kind of see it. If it does? Forget you and you're ancient display devices.

We're ready for Jihad. Pick this up now, as it will become inaccessible very soon.

Further in, more little trinkets.

How convenient.

Oh, you dick!

Claire heads back out to the previous large area.

Key usage commencing.

This silhouette here will prove useful later on. Into the next room.

Let there be...

Grah! Shiiiiit!

Claire heads back to the magical non-load screen ladder and starts over searching this place properly, now that she can actually see things.

Now, let's see about these first double doors.

Even electricity can't defeat indoor rendering fog...

To the right is a locked door. Remember where it is. Don't make me have to look it up.

Another door lies to the left and is open.

Mister zombie here has some prizes in his cell, but he's about as strong as Steve, so he's unable to do his proper spooky smash open the door and attack routine. A shame. He'll need to get a special prize should he manage to pull it off later.

This machine can be used to cut metal into certain shapes. I'm sure it will come into use at some point. As Capcom hates me.

Claire heads back to the door near the stairs heading down to the moth hallway.

The grim reality of Fraternity hazing rituals...

"Go Raccoon U!"

The brutal aftermath of a night of keg stands...

Aside from a bucket load of ammo and health, one of those ever entertaining memos is kicking around.

Worker's Diary

Pricks never said anything about a care-free unlife.

Hoho. I see what you did there.

I worked myself to death to get that vacation!

Or, just braindead.

I would be caught dead believe such a tall tale!

It's enough to make a zombie out of anyone. Hur hur.

Nobody likes zombie puns. Nobody. Claire heads back downstairs.

Ah yes, the moths. According to Resident Evil, moths + the T-Virus = Aliens. As far as their pad is concerned, at least.

As far as their attacking pattern, they fly about aimlessly farting out poisonous blue gas. To cure poison, one needs a Blue Herb. Luckily, there's a whole infinite supply basket of them just down the corridor...completely defeating the purpose of the enemy.

They can also crap baby moth eggs on Claire's back. These will stay there for between a few seconds and a minute or two before hatching. At which point, Claire will tear it off and smash it or it will dig into her and likely cause poison damage. These buggers stay attached to her even if she enters rooms, so it's best just to be on your toes or else wait a minute to rip them off.

Lastly, don't bother killing them. They'll just respawn next time you enter the hall, and you'll be going through here often.

Anyway, Claire heads into the room ahead.

Yay. A save room. I can finally get my knife back. Less excitingly, another file.

Alexander's Memo

"Braaains!"

As well as putting on the Woodland facepaint and Ga-Ko fatigues.

Ozwell Spencer is the present day head of Umbrella. He's mentioned a shit load of times in assorted files throughout the series, but is never actually seen and is swept under the rug with the rest of the Umbrella plotline post-Resident Evil 4.

Trevor being George Trevor, the guy who built a somewhat important location in the original game.

I don't know...looks a bit familiar. He also had a pretty hot daughter, so I've heard...

Of course, my sources could be a bit off...

Code...Veronica? Now, where have I heard that?

Well, at least crazy juice runs in the family.

Claire stuffs the memo wherever she keeps those things and continues on.

Just so you weren't thinking they were slacking with the emblem collection here.

A loud banging is coming from the back of the room. Claire foils the secret passage hidden by a bookcase two-thirds the size of the hall its supposed to be hiding.

I bet you anything it's Steve stuffed in there.

The door springs open. It reveals...

DIJ: Hero Mouse!

On this encounter, he writes.

So they were transporting zombie death juice while...escaping an island contaminated by zombie death juice... These people.

Godspeed, hero mouse.

Anyhow, one more memo for the road. Don't worry, it's the last one of this portion of the game.

Butler's Letter

"I truly hope this doesn't have any ill effects on your psyche."

"Aww, who am I kidding. You're more coo-coo than Cocoa Puffs."

"Staying by your side as you transformed into a murderous cross-dressing sociopath was much more fitting to their legacy. Anyway, so long and thanks for all the fish.

Love,
Scotty

P.S. Fuck you and your emblems you wanker."

A button rests beneath the letter and Claire is just compelled to press it.

I dare say there's something down there...

*gasps* "The calories! They'll go straight to his hips!"

Is he even thinking of how it could clog his arteries at this age? Probably not, but find out that and more in Episode XIX: Look. Don't Touch.

Bonus Content

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