Part 20: This Fucking Vase Had Better Be Worth The Trouble

Last time we saw Rex, he was cruisin' the waves en route to the tallest building in the now-underwater city of Machopolis, where he hoped to steal the purple vase he saw in his binoculars.




On the way, Rex finds a bottle. Of course, this is an adventure game, and so it is guaranteed that Rex will need to pick it up. Or that it will kill him. Or both.

The small piece of jetsam bobs on the surface of the water.



We do have a spot open for "useless inventory item" now that the roast chicken is gone, after all.



You know, I bet in Space Quest 76 your boat would tip over when you picked up the bottle. Unless you took the spring out of the strange clockwork clock and attached it to the monster hands and picked it up with that.



How much water will Rex take? We get the options - 1/4 full, 1/2 full, 3/4 full or completely full. Of course, having no idea which is best, we'll take 1/2 full. Which is right, by the way.

You scoop some water into the bottle, being careful to fill it only halfway up. The bottle feels heavier now, but not so heavy as to make it difficult to carry.

It's a fucking bottle of water, it's not going to be difficult to carry even if it is full, you pansy prick. Of course, there was no way to know we needed the bottle 1/2 full, other than to fill it up the incorrect amount, and die soon afterwards.



To the building! Good thing that window wasn't like a foot lower.





There it is!!

This is it! You are elated to finally be within arms reach of Colonel Stone's precious vase! Light scintillates through the lavender-colored crystal.



Rex stops to enjoy the moment and stare at paintings. Rex is kinda cool like that.

Three hand-painted oil paintings grace the northern wall of the room. There appears to be a family resemblance between these gentlemen, but you do not recognize any of them. There are nameplates beneath each portrait.



Fuck the nameplates, we've got vases the steal!!

Security System (0:12) - Of course, the vase is guarded by a laser security system. Rex is zapped to pieces as soon as the weight of the vase is taken off the pedastal.

As we all know, there's only one way to bypass security systems based upon weights!



Of course, if the bottle isn't the right weight, you die anyway. Bad luck, Rex!



That's a bit too much lolita there, Rex.



The bottle now rests on the pedastal, and apparently had just the right amount of water in it to fool the security system. You saw that trick in a movie once, and you are glad you got it right, since you wouldn't want to be chased through the room by a giant boulder.

I guess they were sick and tired of making fun of Sierra and decided to take a poke at Lucasfilms instead.



Welp, we've got the vase. All this hard work gives a man a thirst

That would be pretty foolish, considering the elaborate procedures you just went through to defeat the security system.

Oh, fine. And what do you mean, "elaborate"? We half-filled a bottle we found with sea water.



Better hope this thing still works. Only one place to go - to the flight center!

Note that we can get the teleporter code here. Had we known this at the start, we could have teleported right here. In fact, you can enact a bit of a bug by teleporting back to the underground back and coming back here as a girl, since the animation for getting the vase (and subsequently dying) only exists for Rex and not Rox. You can even load an earlier save-game to long before you ever went to Machopolis and teleport here with the code.



Vase Bug (0:57) - Rox, in the past, somehow knows the teleporter code for the vase room and heads there. She rematerialises as a man, then teleports across the room, becoming a woman again, and then finally suffers death as a man. All in all, not a good day for poor young Rox of the past.

Of course, you can head back out the window and fetch the bottle of water, trick the security system (as a man) and get the vase right at this point, if you like. However, without the polycement, you'll never be able to fly out of here, so it's a moot point.



Back in the present times, Rex arrives at the abandoned flight centre. Let's get this plane in the air and get the hell out of here!





A quick repair job later, and this ship is back in business!! Although Rex was willing to fly away before repairing the ship in the past, once you do patch over that crack, Rex will refuse to fly away until you have the vase, reasoning that he's worked hard enough to get to this point and he's not leaving without his prize. Fair enough I guess, Rex, though it doesn't explain why you were so willing to go zooming off to your death last time. Now that we have the vase and we have repaired the windscreen, we can get the hell out of here!



Today I intend to show you the remaining two "bad" endings. Tomorrow, I'll put up the final, proper ending. Notice that here, I have not installed either of the targeting or shield cards.



Rex turns on anti-gravity...



And he's out of here!

Quick Death Ending (1:28) - Rex, after having taken out almost an entire planet to find his vase, flies away and gets blown up almost immediately by the big red ship, still waiting out there for him. We are then called a "Fool." No, really.



Well, the Quick Death Ending epilogue chastised us for not installing the shield modulator card, so here it is, installed. This time, we're home free!



Lift off!

Honourable Death Ending (2:08) - Rex again takes off with his shiny new vase, and soaks up a few hits from the big red ship. Of course, since he has no targeting system, he has to take manual shots and eventually ends up toast.


As you can see, Rex is fucked without the targeting card. Fortunately, we have one.

Tune in tomorrow for the final update, where we see Rex's triumphant return to Colonel Stone to collect his 75,000 galactars! Will Rex get called a fool again? Only time will tell!!