Part 25: 24. "What the?!"

24. "What the?!"

Okay, imagine you're me. You're confused as fuck because - "Was... was that a Snatcher with a balloon..." and you're like, "There's no videophone call with Jamie? Isn't Metal going to explain the... what the hell?! How can this possibly tie in with the original?



Then you go north and...



I'll answer pre-emptively since the translation kinda fucks it up. The cave tunnel in the Chief's office leads to an amusement park.

Yes.



Welcome to Syd Garden. It's a play on "SD" from the title and I think "Disney." We are now going to chase a balloon carrying Snatcher through, in essence, Disneyworld. For anyone who thinks they missed an update, no, this actually happens immediately after seeing the Chief.







You can see the balloon above the entrance on the left.





And there's the Snatcher. This is the last videophone in the game. That means, yes, Syd Garden is actually (well, technically) the start of the final dungeons. Don't worry. It's very long, and we've got a LOT of updates before this game ends. Seriously.





Metal: Aren't we supposed to be rescuing Jamie?
Gilian: Is- Isn't that what we're doing?
Metal: I'm confused.

Me too. Let's pony up the $500.





That Snatcher has got to be around here somewhere...





Gilian: How does this amusement park tie to anything?
Metal: Let's just... chase the Snatcher and not ask questions right now.



There he is!



Predictably, the game stops Gilian from moving so the Balloon Snatcher has time to run off.



No, you can't enter the Syd Garden Castle. However up and to the left, we see...



A panda... with a balloon! Could it be significant?





Holy fuck, the answer is yes! The Snatcher got a panda suit and still has a balloon! Did I just write that?



He runs off and disappears.



Not here.



And this clown is none too helpful.



Metal: I'm pretty sure the castle is not significant, Gilian.
Gilian: Metal, am I dreaming? Are we really doing this?




Syd Garden is pretty expansive and full of people. The idea is that the balloon/panda snatcher spawns at specific locations and you have to find them all - in order - to advance to the next scene.

If this is all confusing to you, well, friend, at least you're not playing it.





Gilian: I'm too confused. Is she hitting on me, Metal?
Metal: Let's just keep going.





Nothing really significant at the Doll House, either. And yeah, you'd need really good eyesight to guess someone's occupation.



At least this makes sense. Snatcher's events take place in late December.



Metal: It appears your reputation precedes you, Gilian.
Gilian: Oh, hush, you.




Advancing through this section is tricky because it seems like you're walled off. Note the small gray section to the northwest of the dollhouse?



Gilian can pass through that to the northern part of South Syd Garden.



Aha! A balloon in the bumper cars!







Wait, that's a naked Snatcher. So where's the panda?





This is totally not helpful.





There he am!





The naked Snatcher - WHO NO ELSE SEEMS TO NOTICE - hops on the monorail. We have no choice but to pursue.


















This monorail takes forever.







One useless train ride later and we're at North Syd Garden.





If you are dumb enough to play this I should warn you again that if you want any last minute weapons or auxiliary items, now's your last chance. The final dungeons have a really clumsy way of replinishing stuff, but you can't get any equipment you didn't have or switch what you bring with you without going all the way back to the videophone.

Anyway, time to find me. The Snatcher, I mean.



Gilian: I'd better check you for Snatcher parts.
Woman: Hey, watch it, ya big lug!



Didn't seem that way to me.



You got it, clown man!



If what I'm doing seems disorganized, it's because it is. There's no great way of knowing exactly what you're supposed to be doing here. It's really just a matter of wandering around, hoping you run into the balloon snatcher.



And to the north... a panda with a balloon!



This is not the Snatcher, however. This is a wholly different balloon bearing panda. So yeah.







Oh good. The apple ride. My favorite. What the fuck is going on?



Gilian: (Gotta stay focused. Jamie.)

(You can't give her money.) If you talk to her again...



Gilian: Maybe I misheard her?





When did this game turn into that scene with the hooker in Full Metal Jacket? I mean multiplied by like twenty?



Hey, there's even a teacup ride! Nice!

I'm using nice in a really, really loose definition, by the way.



I don't know what that bratty kid has to do with anything. I don't know what any of this has to do with anything.



I think I got Hideo Kojima's hidden message: Disneyland is the Kremlin!



Wait, is that...



A balloon panda!



Shit, wrong one.



Aw, no show for Gilian.





Apparently not here, either.







Gilian: I'm so confused, Metal. I don't know where Jamie is. I don't know what to do, I- hey, it's Godzilla cutouts! I can pretend to be Godzilla!





Gilian: (Lousy friggin' good for nothin'...)





I think people who remember my earlier threads know how much I hate mirror mazes.



Yeesh. Sorry. Flashback. Anyway.



We can't go in, yet.



Gilian: Enough of this. I'm going to talk to a nice clown.



Metal: Yikes!



Gilian: Metal, I hope it's not too out of character for me to say this amusement park sucks.
Metal: Gilian, you probably wouldn't refer to yourself as "out of character".
Gilian: (Just trying to make things exciting for the people at home!)





I think that's a pretty substantial intro to the park.

Next update, let's figure out what the fuck is going in Syd Garden! (Uh, sorta.)

Version Differences

Um... all of it?!