Part 32

Alright, let's get things back on track. When we last left our heroine, an omniscient narrator had predicted we would soon have an unexpected vistor.

Aaaand it's Ildon. Also, note that for some reason, the screenshot is showing the full sprites for Yorkland swamp's hidden enemies, instead of just their beady eyes. This error is unexpected and fantastic.

Rastaban was the third guy present at our first meeting with Orlouge, who has thus far had pretty much no effect on anything.

Looks like Rastaban's gone, though. Alas, poor Rastaban. We...well, we really didn't know you too well.

So what's the relationship between Ildon and Rastaban? Well...when a man and another man love each other very much...um...hey, look at those crazy fucking geckos!

Ildon's decent, though like most mystics, he's limited by his crappy unremovable Mystic Mail. His fighting power's pretty decent though.

Some mindless wandering and a few random battles later...

Cue boss fight.

Video: This is why I prefer humans over mystics or monsters.

A powerful mystic in a powdered wig.

Yet more mindless wandering, and we eventually show up here.

Yeah, I screencapped it early, but I think this works better.

Apparently we're now trapped in Door Land.

Or maybe the Dark Labyrinth. Yeah, that name probably sounds better. (Ignore the text scroll error)

So Orlouge throws his enemies in here, presumably in the hopes that they'll commit suicide after walking through a billion endless doors.

Oh, and there's a turnip.

And it talks.

And it has the best line in the whole game.

He tells us that the exit is nearby, but he can't use it. I should probably explain how this place works. You basically have to find the right pattern of doors to get out. I tend to just keep going through them until it works, a method that has yet to fail in the several times I've replayed this quest. Orlouge's dungeons suck.

White Rose has a door fetish.

So, yeah. You can get out if somebody stays in your place.

After all, freedom isn't free.

I don't know how White Rose managed to substitute herself for all of our party members as well as an upcoming vegetable, but hey.

By the way, you can pretty much ignore Asellus's dialogue for most of this scene, she's just babbling.

And Zozma shows up for some reason.

...yeah, I'm pretty sure they're telling Asellus to come out of the closet here.

Really, I don't know how else we're supposed to interpret it.

Oh, Ildon. Asellus has no interest in male escorts.

Here's the turnip's stats, by the way.

I don't know which expression is better.

Zozma joins up too, but we've seen him before. Let's go grab some more mystics!

We grab our favorite topless mermaid.

Okay, now that more than one person has commented on Asellus's "scent," I really have to wonder if something's wrong over there.

Yeah, I thought you were just Random NPC Sprite #31.

Yup, this is Princess Rei, the first of Orlouge's ladies and the other one who managed to escape.

That's a lot of 6's in the upper stats there...

Rei, like Zozma, carries her own unique magic: Mirage Magic. Regular characters do have access to this, though in an unusual way: the mystic spell Phantasm Shot basically casts one of these at random.

So, now there's nothing left but to take on Orlouge himself. But before we head back to Facinaturu for some hot hot final boss action, let's take a moment to remember our dear friend White Rose.

There are so many memories, like...

The time we did that Russian kicking dance. Also, there was...

...that time she got raped by a squid. And who could forget...

OH GOD WHAT IS IT GET IT AWAY

Ahem.

White Rose, our not-dead-but-may-as-well-be comrade, we salute you.

OH SHI-