Part 13: Session Thirteen: Dancing in the deepest oceans
Session Thirteen: Dancing in the deepest oceans
It's been so long since I've slept, so long since I've seen the sun. I used to dream of the city park in my home down, watching all the happy people and their dogs run around, enjoying the sun from the comfort of the shade. My sun has gone out. All that's left is this cold, frigid iron hellscape of this vessel.
I miss that gentle dusty smell just before the rain. I miss the feeling of wind. But most of all, I miss sleep... what had been the one remaining respite of my dignity had left me.
I am adrift...
---
CO: Fire tube one!
XO: Weapons, Conn. Tube 1. Single fire ADCAP. Standby.
Weps: Weapons standing by, sir.
XO: Shoot.
Foster: Mk-48 ADCAP torpedo course 045. Run is enabled. Range is 8500 to target Sierra-25.
Weps: Mk-48 running, Sir.
Foster:Sierra-25 course change. Now steady on course 130. Target speed: 17 knots. Mk-48 continues to run. Course 045. 7000 yards to impact.
Master Chief:It's like waiting for a valentine that's never gonna come.
You just have a bunch of gems you're looking to break out, aren't ya? It sounds kinda like me, except more witty, and I eventually gave up on trying to sound smart, or smug, or even like an adult.
Foster: Sierra-25 course change now opening. Target course: 090. Mk-48 continues to track.
---
VOTING RESULT: 1
CO: Prepare to fire second torpedo.
XO: Firing point procedure, Sierra-25. Tube 2. Single fire ADCAP.
Weps: Weapons. All tubes ready, Sir.
XO: Orders, captain?
Seriously, do I have a kick-me sign on my back or something? Why don't you just do what I say?
---
(This repeat has also been left in intentionally.)
VOTING RESULT: 1
CO: Fire tube two.
XO: Shoot.
Foster: Torpedo has gone active. Sixty seconds to impact target Sierra-25. (pause) Fifty-five seconds. (pause) Fifty seconds. Conn, Sonar. Target course change. Sierra-25 now steady on course 060. Speed unchanged.
Foster: Sierra-25 has altered acoustic signature. Conn, sonar, Sierra-25... uh... target is now classified as an Ohio class SSBN. Torpedo safety recognition has activated.
Oh, dang it, of course it is, why wouldn't it?
Wait, how the heck am I suppose to blow up something my torpedoes can't hit? And if that's the case, why doesn't every submarine do this?
Master Chief: It's pretending to be us!
Hey, how about we dive, get quiet and let those guys do our patrol for a while? I'm sure we can trust some industrious Russians.
Foster: Mk-48 ADCAP disengaging, Sir.
XO: Orders, Sir?
Uhh...
---
VOTING RESULT: 1
CO: Place Mk-48 in command mode. Order the torpedo to kill Sierra-25.
XO: Captain, that torpedo disengaged because it thought that Kilo was us.
Master Chief: As far as that torpedo knows, there are two USS Idahos out there. If we order that ADCAP to acquire and kill, we got a fifty-fifty shot of catching our own fish.
Wait a second, how did the Kilo know which sub they were facing? I mean, if they knew we were the Idaho already, why did they need to homer? And if they didn't know who we were, how did they have a recording of us?
Oh, forget it. I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation that I just don't know about.
---
VOTING RESULT: 3
CO: I gave you an order, XO. Put the Mk-48 into command mode. Order it to kill Sierra-25.
XO: Weapons officer, place Mk-48 into command mode.
Weps: Mk-48 running, Sir.
XO: Order Mk-48 to acquire and kill contact Sierra-25.
Hey, it's pretty nice when people actually listen to me. I could get used to this.
Weps: Mk-48 has aquired.
Foster: Conn, Sonar. Mk-48 has gone active.
Foster: Conn, Sonar. Hydrophone effect. Mk-48 ADCAP detonation. Range 2000, bearing 045.
Master Chief: We get 'em?
Foster: Hydrophone effect! Kilo's breaking up, sir! We nailed her!
(cheers and applause)
I join in the cheering. I've accomplished something for the first time in almost two weeks... it feels good.
XO: Quiet! Quiet in the Conn, right now! At ease, gentlemen.
Jeez, you're such a wet blanket. What's you're problem.
Foster: Torpedo has gone to active homing.
Oh, right, that torpedo that's coming to kill us.
Foster: Hostile weapon continues to close.
Foster: Torpedo continues to close. Range 1000.
Foster: Torpedo bearing opening.
Foster: Range 1150.
Foster: Range 1200.
Foster: SET-65 falling astern, sir.
Foster: Screws are slowing... engine stopped now.
Foster: She's out of gas. We've out run it.
XO: Sonar, Conn. State your contacts.
Foster: Torpedo is no longer a factor, sir. Sonar holds no contacts at this time.
Wow, we sank the Kilo and survived... things are looking up. Maybe this will be the one. Maybe we'll finally make it out alive.
MEANWHILE
Master Chief: Aren't you on watch?
Sailor: I just got off, Master Chief.
Master Chief: Well, get back on.
XO: I just came from the cook. Have you talked to him?
Master Chief: About what, XO?
XO: About the trash disposal unit. Captain asked about it yesterday, and I told him you'd take care of it.
Master Chief: You lied.
XO: Now, do you want to tell that to the old man, or would you like me to?
MEANWHILE
Wheeler: (to himself) Just leave it as it is... that's right.
BACK TO THE PREVIOUS MEANWHILE
Cook: It's been making the same noise since we left King's Bay. It's trying to chew something up.
Master Chief: Something like this?
Master Chief: Looks like one of Wheeler's sensitive little teabags...
LATER
XO: I'm telling you... this thing fits somewhere.
XO: A little help here, Chief, huh?
Master Chief: You're the engineering genius.
XO: Son of a... it is Wheeler.
XO: Let's get the Captain.
XO: Captain, I think we know who put the homer on the sail.
Wow, we survive and my crew figured out the mystery for me. This keeps getting better.
Master Chief: Wheeler. One of his teabags was stuck to this.
Uh... is that really incontrovertible proof? If it is, and I just don't get it, I should pretend it is anyway. If it's not, then we might be in trouble. But if I start executing people, then people won't question it, but that's not good either. So...
---
VOTING RESULT: 1
Wheeler: I've already been to your cabin, sir. Not a very original idea, using your birthday for your safe combination.
Oh, wow, you remembered my birthday, how nice.
Wait a second... THAT'S why they said not to use my birthday as anything important, like a combination. Wow, I really am incompetent.
Wheeler: Get back!
Wheeler: You get back captain! I want everybody back now!
XO: Stand off, gentlemen.
Wheeler: Anybody moves, you're going to be wearing his last thoughts.
Ew.
XO: Don't do this, Mister Wheeler.
Wheeler: Stay back! Everybody back!
Oh, hey, it's Cheng. He'll take him out. It's all going to be okay.
BOOM!
Well, so much for that.
Wheeler: Whadya think's inside of here, guys?
Wheeler: About 4-500 pounds of C4, that's what...
Wheeler: And about fifty gallons of torpedo fuel.
Jeez, I know I'm just going to come back... why am I scared? Maybe this ending is where my story is supposed to end...
---
VOTING RESULT: 3
CO: Why, Wheeler... why did you do it?
Wheeler: Oh, it's the oldest reason in the book, Skipper. Money. Oh, back in the Eighties, the Russians used to pay big money.
Ah, the dark days of the Cold War... but those times gave us history's greatest music... like We Built This City by Starship.
Wheeler: But that sorta dried up. And I was out the business... I really thought I was out of the business. But they came to me right before we left King's Bay and told me to stick that little gizmo onto the sail.
Foster: And you did it.
Foster: Stupid bastard.
Language!
Wheeler: I didn't have a choice!!
Hey, inside voices.
Wheeler: They told me they were gonna go public with my past and I-I was not gonna go on trial for treason. No. Not gonna do that. I got a better idea. I'm gonna be lost at sea. Another mysterious explosion, just like the Scorpion.
XO: Don't do it, Wheeler.
Wheeler: You know what the penalty is for sabotage, XO?
Dang it, XO has said this every day for the past few days and now I can't remember. It's a good thing I won't be pop quiz. Those are the only things I'm worse at than being a Captain.
Wheeler: Uh-uh. I'm going down with my shipmates. Well, it's been a hell of a cruise, guys. It's been nice to know ya...
(calamity)
XO charged Wheeler, and everyone rushed past me to join in. I didn't move. I didn't see the point.
BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM
It all goes black so quickly... maybe I was struck by a bullet... or maybe the torpedo went off and killed me instantly. I don't know.