Part 9: Fit The Eighth: Laura Norder

Fit The Eighth: Laura Norder
I turned up to work the next day, thinking I was pretty hot shit for landing the prison deal, until my long-suffering secretary handed me that morning's issue of the Boogle. I could only read the first two pages of the two-bit rag before I decided it was worthless, I couldn't work out whether any of it was good news or bad news.

The City had a token board of councillors, of course, I grudgingly allowed elections for them just to make the citizens think they were living in a democracy; then the councillors would argue about things at their meetings, which I hardly ever attended, though I did read the minutes to see if they talked about anything apart from gossip.

the truth is, the citizens could make more of an impact on my decision making by making an appointment to meet me in person, or even as I walked through the streets. After all, I was the people's mayor! I loved the people, and the people loved me. So if Gary Coin wanted a soccer field, he'd have to come and ask me instead of assuming I'd read about it in the paper, and then I'd tell him I'd consider it in due course.

Come to think of it, that's what I need, a "Maybe Later" plaque for my desk.

But as for the Boogle, I couldn't work out what case Lorem Ipsum was on, I was pretty sure he was putting words into Gus' mouth, otherwise he seemed to treating straight into Karen's field of expertise, and being an idiot about it. I needed to summon Lorem into my office sometime, just to set a few things straight. Maybe after I'd dispensed with all the other crap in my "In" box.

He was right about the prison, though, and it was time to get cracking on setting up the infrastructure for it.


I took out another small loan, because putting it all the way out on the peninsula would need some major works. Once again, I didn't really want to wait.


And finally, the city's first bridge over the Great Ashy Bend River. I didn't even know it had a name, it was just a river to me, but apparently the name was related to Firetop Mountain. I wanted to name the bridge after a great man, a man of deep intellect and cunning and an indomitable spirit, so I formally named it the Maxwell Smart Bridge. Aside from providing access to the Prison, it would allow the town to expand over the river at the earliest opportunity.


Getting electricity over the river was a bitch. I wasn't sure that having a pylon plonked in the middle of the river was a good idea for navigation, but Gus and the civil engineers said it was the only way to do it.


Both the road, which I logically named Urethra Drive, and the power lines were extended to the site.


The prison would also need water, and after one failed attempt, a second go at extending the water pipes under the harbour succeeded.


The site having been prepared, the prison was built.


A fully-functional correctional facility - though I doubted that L'il Fifi would ever be "corrected". Now all I had to do was wait for the money to start rolling in.


CA$$$H.


Yep, Penis Peninsula Penitentiary sure was a thing of beauty.


Orville turned up again, offering a lighthouse, of all things. It'd cost us §5,000 to build the silly thing, but I agreed to his offer, because I knew of a good place for it, even if it might be a few years before it appeared.

Arrrr there me matey I have thee some loot to give ya!

It didn't help that a recent local performance of the Pirates of Penzance seemed to have made everyone including Orville stupid about pirates for a few months.



Arrrrhhhh!!! We be needing the lighthouse to stop scurvy lads from meeting with Davy Jones locker!



Arrrrhhhh. A fine decision, me hearty. Let's have some rum to mark the occasion!

You know pirates didn't really have Scottish accents, that was just something some actor laid on once.

Oh. Really? Spoilsport.


And as for the garbage barges, well, they continued as usual.


And finally 1909 rolled over, with the first payment from the prison. Look at all that money. Well, it wasn't really that much, but I hoped to be able to bootstrap the city to the next stage with the added income. I'd probably rely on it along with tax revenue until the two outstanding loans were paid off.


Time to go shopping. I finally built the school that everyone had been screaming about for months, this would become Funkytown City High while the school near my house would become an elementary school, Lake Bunkley Primary.


I extended the rail line to the Hall...


... and built another railway station on the junction, which was also close to City High.


With school services satisfactory, maybe Randall would get off my case now.


The population still fluctuated like crazy, but at least the yearly average was increasing.

My regular meetings with the advisors continued as normal, traffic was still a problem, Gus was never content, Karen was concerned about the overall pollution. But for the past couple of years I'd tended to dread the meetings with Randall. Now I'd fixed his damned education system, our relations ought to have been normalised. My secretary informed me he was here for this week's meeting, and so I happily told her to buzz him in.

Hey Randall.

Wal. Not a bad day for it.

Anything to complain about this week?

No, everything's groovy again. Dig?



Well that's good. Sorry it took me a while, but you know, two dozen things to deal with at once, you'll notice I did it as soon as it was practicable.

Yeah, that's all part and parcel of being mayor I guess.

So that's it?

Pretty much. You should earmark some funds for, say, a college or a museum in the future. I think a museum would be great downtown, in fact.

Yeah, I'll keep that in mind.

Randall left, and Constance was ushered in.

OK, this is a problem you won't mind having.



Hmm, yes. Well, if people could stay still for more than a couple of months I wouldn't be so confused by the situation. Residential demand is zero but we need more zones? Well, whatever. Keep me informed.

Will do, Mr B.

Please don't call me that.

Why not it's cute! Like you!

Why thank you.

She left, and the next petitioner was let in. Fiona.

Oh great it's the cocksucker again.



OK, spit it out then.



This is an outrage!

Now if I recall, you took out a series of ads in the paper calling me a homosexual. And an autocrat. Nothing against gays, mind you, just that I'm not one, you see. But even if I was, why would it be an issue with you, hmm?

Yes, well, uh... it's because you keep referring to...

I DON'T CARE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE, FELLATRIX.

Fiona hurriedly left the office.

Ah, that felt good.

Even though the population kept going up and down like a pogo stick, eventually it managed to tip over the 25,000 mark. I wasn't expecting anything...


... but I got something anyway. Orville was back again with the good news.

You've been giving us a lot of stuff lately.


And why not? Funkytown's a vibrant little city, now. Certainly not without its seedy side, but that gives the place character, eh!

Yeah, I guess. A courthouse, huh? That might calm things down a bit. Even if it means stacks of lawyers crawling around.


Well, of course I knew where I was going to put that.


The courthouse added just that little bit of gravitas to the Hall district.


And it turned out to be just the thing to put the cherry on top of ten years of unbridled progress. It really didn't seem that long.