Part 54: Mission 54: Throwback

Our budget was tight after the expense of ordering a Destructor, but we were still able to pay for another radar truck. We were being as careful as we could with them, but there was only so much we could do; they were fragile, and they needed to be on the frontlines so that they could spot the enemy.



Ever since we secured the Gate in China, our intelligence services had been performing every kind of study and measurement on it they could. This was still in progress, though - the most recent report I received was outdated, describing all of the Gates as still being under enemy control.



In the meantime, though, we needed to maintain the momentum of our assault. The enemy had deployed their forces on the assumption that we would try to attack them from the west, and we would only have so long to take advantage of that. To the east was a strange fortress, armed with some kind of shield that prevented our psychic corps from surveying it. We didn't know what the fortress was for, but given how much the enemy had invested in hiding its existence, we could assume that it was important.



Of course, the best way to attack a fortress was never striking head-on. There was a weak link in their chain of defense, a point where the line was guarded by enslaved orcs. Only the magicians and their threats of crucifixion kept this division in line; they would almost certainly have low morale and be looking for any opportunity to flee. Once we broke through, we could surround the fortress, cutting it off from any hope of reinforcement.

Mission 54: Throwback

Attending:
Lazarus (Forlorn Hope, Mobile Infantry)
T. Hinman (Ethereal Corps, Mobile Infantry)
Habitually Red (Sane Max's Own, Mobile Infantry)
Gordon Frohman (Concerned Citizens, Mobile Infantry)
Solrick Skaft (Scion of Emer, Mobile Infantry)
Joe Moore (War Boys, Mobile Infantry)
"Doctor" Snark (Mage Killers, Mobile Infantry)
Emil Västerström (Trollhunters, Mobile Infantry)
Patrick Gallagher (Just In Time, Elmag 2)
Svetlana Aliyev (Rusalka, Elmag 2)
Mael Radec (Radec's Rhinos, Destructor)
Erik Spanner (The Toolbox, M1 Abrams)
James "Griff" Griffin (Party Crashers, M1 Abrams)
Basil (Paladin, M1 Abrams)
Reginald P. Linux (Doom Squad, Leopard 2A5)
Grandalt Noddington (Tea Battalion, Leopard 2A5)
Hulk Hogan (The Hulkamaniacs, Leopard 2A5)
Aethereon Darkfyre (The Mary Sues, UDES)
Stephen Smith (The Counts of Monty Python, UDES)
Grand Inquisitor Solaus (Balkanian Inquisition, MLRS)
Michael de Boulogne (Chivalric Order of Saint George, MLRS)
Gregor (The Swell Swords, MLRS)
Pusher Bot (The Space Robots, MLRS)
Anil E. Hilated, Esq. (Polite Obliteration, M106)
Cholmondely Featherstonehaugh-Smythe (Sphinx Battery, Roland)
Sigrún Raske (Skysmasher Brigade, Roland)
Roger Murtaugh (Less Than Lethal, Roland)
Billy Mays (Infomercial Men, Mi-24)
Bob & Doug McKenzie (Royal Canadian Red-greens, Mi-24)
Vlasta Devínská (Paper Tigers, Universal 2R)
Charles C Thuluu (Strange Aeons, Universal 2R)



Mael Radec: Let's scout out the north first.




Charles C Thuluu: I think we found their scouts!



Billy Mays: WITH THE ALLIANCE'S SCOUTS, YOU CAN FIND THE ENEMY AND BLOW THEM TO PIECES! JUST WATCH THOSE AUTOCANNONS IN ACTION!
Stephen Smith: Yeah, come to think of it, I could stand to shoot things a bit more.



Stephen Smith: ...Oh my God. Are you guys seeing what I'm seeing?
Erik Spanner: Orcs. Regular-ass orcs. I know this is a penal unit, but that's just fucking precious.
Grandalt Noddington: Was there really a time you found these creatures frightening?
Anil E. Hilated: Yeah, way back in our first mission! I can remember it so clearly!



Habitually Red: Oh, no! Our bullets do nothing to these beasts! We're doomed!
Anil E. Hilated: Fear not, my faithful companions! I'll save you!



All: Hooray for Mr. Hilated!



Habitually Red: I'm preeeeeetty sure it didn't happen that way.
"Doctor" Snark: That's 'cause it didn't.
Anil E. Hilated: That's just the two of you! I'll bet everyone else who was there will agree with me.
"Doctor" Snark: Anil, everyone else who was there is dead.
Habitually Red: Ah, geeze, you're right. Bill, Sersan, Hardtack... now I'm thinking about their deaths all over again.



Anil E. Hilated: Oh look, the enemy's on top of us, guess we'll have to drop this conversation!
"Doctor" Snark: Anil, it's orcs. Rusting would destroy our vehicles before they could.



Basil: Let's not test that theory, huh? We've lost enough radar trucks.



Vlasta Devínská: Hell Riders north! Shame none of these guys switched sides.



Anil E. Hilated: God damnit, why does the enemy keep seeing through our blatant armored distraction tactics?



Anil E. Hilated: Least their aim's shit.



Pusher Bot: Okay, path's clear!



Charles C Thuluu: While you guys are doing that, we'll scout out the other...



Charles C Thuluu: Oh shit.
Stephen Smith: No worries, Charles! Just get back and call up the others, I'll eat the rockets.



Charles C Thuluu: STEPHEN YOU HAVE DOOMED ME



Stephen Smith: You're fine! Hurry up and get back, though, or you're dead!



Svetlana Aliyev Sounds like someone needs a wall of armor!



Patrick Gallagher: Let's see them ignore this!



Erik Spanner: At the rate we're going, I don't think they'll get the chance.



Erik Spanner: ...I've really got to stop saying shit that's just begging to become ironic.
Reginald P. Linux: Don't we all.



Solaus: You'll get further watching your aim than watching your mouths!



Vlasta Devínská: Glad all the craziness is happening down here. We can just sit back and watch the river, and we don't have to move unless there's enemy contact.
Aethereon Darkfyre: Rivers... when I was seven, my parents drowned in a river.
Vlasta Devínská: I thought your parents were killed by the Forces of Darkness.
Aethereon Darkfyre: That was my adoptive parents. Why, the day that happened, I knew I had to join the Alliance and get my revenge. Even though I'm only fifteen, I did so well on all the entrance tests that I was entrusted with this rare prototype tank, so that I may guard the lives of my fellow sol-
Vlasta Devínská: Hold on, you're fifteen?
Aethereon Darkfyre: ...Yes? But why focus on that in particular?
Vlasta Devínská: Because it explains so much.



Mael Radec: Contact!



Mael Radec: More riders, and birds! Everyone up! I'll bunker down, everyone form on me!



Bob McKenzie: Got some aerial support for you, boss!



Patrick Gallagher: Here they come!




Mael Radec: My Destructor's taken heavy damage, I need to stop for repairs!



Billy Mays: WITH THE INFOMERCIAL MEN'S AIR SUPPORT SERVICES, YOU CAN BE SAFE WHILE YOU REPAIR, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE!



Joe Moore: That's it! Everyone just keep flying and firing!



Solrick Skaft: Hang on, Joe. It looks like our friends to the north could use some help.



Vlasta Devínská: Thanks, Solrick.




Gordon Frohman: No time to catch our breath, huh?



Doug McKenzie: Not like we need to with this bunch, eh.



Bob McKenzie: Though that could be trou-



Bob McKenzie: Hellllp!




Hulk Hogan: Ain't no wizard that can stand up to me, brother!





Billy Mays: THE INFOMERCIAL MEN WILL TAKE CARE OF THE ROOT OF YOUR EXPLODING BIRD PROBLEM!



Bob McKenzie: Few more orcs hiding back there, eh.



Bob McKenzie: They're chasing us, eh!
Mael Radec: Just lure them back to us, Bob.





Lazarus: Easy pickings!
T. Hinman: We have swept the entire area. I believe there can be no more orcs around.
Vlasta Devínská: Can confirm. Good job, everyone. Just a shame we couldn't get any of those orcs to switch sides.




Despite a few close calls, the battle ended in an easy victory. With their lines broken, the Forces of Darkness were forced to retreat to the north. The mysterious fortress to the southeast was now open to attack.