Part 60: Mission 60: Scavenger Hunt
anilEhilated posted:
Cutscene: mountains, dramatic music.
Narrator: The hills and valleys of this country are shrouded in fog - and the whole area began changing. New mountain ranges are popping up, whole landscape feels like it is returning to the shape it had long, long ago in the past. The alliance faces a mystery: somewhere in these mystical hills lies something that could turn the war - in each side's favor. Who will get to the artifact first?
We began our advance across the Himalayas under the cover of simultaneous Alliance invasions of Pakistan and Vietnam. With an attack on two fronts already underway and the mountains being an unlikely strategic target, our hope was that the Forces of Darkness would leave us unmolested. while we searched for the Darksword.
We hoped, but we weren't leaving the outcome of this operation to chance. Replacing all of our M1s with Destructors, while expensive, would make us that much more prepared.
We got another intelligence report while waiting for the Destructors to come in. It was painfully out of date, though; archotral shells had long since proven effective against demons even at extreme ranges.
Any hopes of a quick and easy Himalayan campaign were dashed. One of Ka-Tugrag's, spies embedded among the enemy's forces in the Himalayan foothills, had been captured and killed. His severed head was teleported to my desk, uttering a warning in a low, demonic voice before going slack. The enemy knew we were here, and they knew why. They would be diverting one of their best field commanders, and many of their best soldiers, to drive us out and claim the artifact for themselves.
We'd already been on a deadline with the risk of discovery, but now our time had grown much shorter. Our first target was an area near our regional headquarters where we had detected strong and consistent magical signatures. We'd first recorded them before we received the message from the Forces of Darkness, so it seemed unlikely that they were responsible. Perhaps we could make off with the artifact before the enemy had time to deploy in the region.
Mission 60: Scavenger Hunt
Attending:
Lazarus (Forlorn Hope, Mobile Infantry)
T. Hinman (Ethereal Corps, Mobile Infantry)
Habitually Red (Sane Max's Own, Mobile Infantry)
Gordon Frohman (Concerned Citizens, Mobile Infantry)
Solrick Skaft (Scion of Emer, Mobile Infantry)
Joe Moore (War Boys, Mobile Infantry)
"Doctor" Snark (Mage Killers, Mobile Infantry)
Emil Västerström (Trollhunters, Mobile Infantry)
Mael Radec (Radec's Rhinos, Destructor)
Svetlana Aliyev (Rusalka, Destructor)
Patrick Gallagher (Just In Time, Destructor)
Erik Spanner (The Toolbox, Destructor)
James "Griff" Griffin (Party Crashers, Destructor)
Basil (Paladin, Destructor)
Reginald P. Linux (Doom Squad, Leopard 2A5)
Grandalt Noddington (Tea Battalion, Leopard 2A5)
Hulk Hogan (The Hulkamaniacs, Leopard 2A5)
Aethereon Darkfyre (The Mary Sues, UDES)
Stephen Smith (The Counts of Monty Python, UDES)
Grand Inquisitor Solaus (Balkanian Inquisition, MLRS)
Michael de Boulogne (Chivalric Order of Saint George, MLRS)
Gregor (The Swell Swords, MLRS)
Pusher Bot (The Space Robots, MLRS)
Anil E. Hilated, Esq. (Polite Obliteration, M106)
Cholmondely Featherstonehaugh-Smythe (Sphinx Battery, Roland)
Sigrún Raske (Skysmasher Brigade, Roland)
Roger Murtaugh (Less Than Lethal, Roland)
Billy Mays (Infomercial Men, Mi-24)
Bob & Doug McKenzie (Royal Canadian Red-greens, Mi-24)
Vlasta Devínská (Paper Tigers, Universal 2R)
Charles C Thuluu (Strange Aeons, Universal 2R)
Even though the area was near our field headquarters, the Forces of Darkness had beaten us here, and they had managed to bring in a large force in a short amount of time. It was incredible how quickly they'd mobilized.
Vlasta Devínská: Doesn't look like good vehicle terrain out east. That narrow corridor just screams "ambush."
Mael Radec: We'll let our boys and girls in the air handle it instead. Anything west?
Charles C Thuluu: ...Yeah, you could say that.
Solaus: Nothing a few rockets can't fix! Well, except the angels.
Anil E. Hilated: Oh, you think you can just try to warp past our defenses and hit us artillery, huh?
Anil E. Hilated: Guess you didn't count on me!
Aethereon Darkfyre: Fear not, fellow Drunken Slavs, for I suffer the slings and arrows meant for you!
Cholmondely: I've shot down an angel. I do hope that doesn't count against me in the afterlife.
Solaus: I'm sure we've killed more than enough demons to make up for it.
Gregor: Ha! Like to see them try that again!
Patrick Gallagher: Oh, hey. They're trying it again.
Gregor: It ends same way!
Stephen Smith: Just passed the row of trees.
Vlasta Devínská: Still no sign of the enemy to the east. Maybe they figured we wouldn't come this way.
Stephen Smith: They didn't! I mean, they did! I mean... look, help me out here!
"Doctor" Snark: Looks like the trap's been sprung.
Griff: More coming from the north. That's... honestly pretty underwhelming.
Emil Västerström: Aaaah, shit!
Emil Västerström: What made every last one of them try to kill me specifically?
"Doctor" Snark: Careful out there, everyone! These suits may be tough, but if they concentrate our fire, they can still make us bleed.
Emil Västerström: Yeah, I almost learned that the hard way.
Solrick Skaft: There we go! Just gotta stick and move. We've got maneuverability, so let's use it!
Gordon Frohman: Hey, those orcs are running!
Stephen Smith: Where the hell did they go?
Svetlana Aliyev: This side of the river's clear again.
Michael de Boulogne: Let's get to work on the other side, then.
Vlasta Devínská: This is a pretty good vantage point, so I'll just do a sweep from here and see if I can find... the... orcs?
Vlasta Devínská: Guys? I think I found what was causing the magical signature in this area. Some kind of tomb surrounded by a perfectly square gorge. Weirdest goddamn thing I've ever seen.
Mael Radec: Understood. Any sign of the enemy?
Vlasta Devínská: Yes, there's a small enemy presence. Fortress of Terror but not much else. It looks like they're leaving the tomb alone, so I'm assuming they're waiting on their research crew.
Mael Radec: Got it. Alright everyone, let's move! We've got to secure that site before the enemy can do anything with it! Cross the bridge!
Aethereon Darkfyre: As I cross the land bridge, I learn it is the bridge to Hell!
Basil: Jesus, that was a lot of rockets. Looks like they banged you up pretty bad, too. I thought you guys got better armor so this wouldn't happen anymore?
Aethereon Darkfyre: To fight is to suffer, however much we wish otherwise.
Grandalt Noddington: Fear not, Mr. Darkfyre, we have eyes on the blighters who've bothered you now!
Basil: Like knocking down dominoes!
Reginald P. Linux: We're not through yet! More of 'em by the river bend.
Cholmondely: A bit of judiciously applied firepower will take care of that.
Solaus: Judicious? Us? I think you're in the wrong unit, Chol.
Patrick Gallagher: You guys in the air just sit tight! We'll be rolling up to the tomb in no time!
Habitually Red: Oh, uh, well, the thing is... we kind of started without you.
Griff: Oh, okay. That might work out well, really. Just pick off some of the big ones and we'll be by to finish off the-
Billy Mays: WAYLAID BY ANGELS? NO PROBLEM! THE DRUNKEN SLAVS' AIRBORNE BATTALLION CAN SECURE YOUR MYSTERIOUS MAGICAL ARTIFACTS FOR YOU, AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO LIFT A FINGER!
Joe Moore: Yeah, for all the demons and shit they had around here, the only thing besides that castle guarding the tomb was a couple hundred war orcs.
Erik Spanner: So, wait, we just won without me doing anything? 'Cause I can live with that.
"Doctor" Snark: Looks that way. Let's call in the labcoats so they can crack open the tomb and get our prize.
With the gaping chasm surrounding it on all sides, we wouldn't be able to get a better look at the tomb until we could airlift in a research crew. Curiously, based on interrogations of captured prisoners, the Forces of Darkness didn't seem to know any more about this place than we did. We would have to hold it until we could uncover its mysteries.