Part 12: Chapter IX. What a Collection of Assholes

Chapter IX. What a Collection of Assholes

This is my first big date with Conor the Amazing... and since I'd been dating DB-X the Satan so long, it's my first date in awhile!

I guess I should get advice from my friends.

In fact, it was like... it was mandatory somehow... like that time I burn-

Anyway.



Alright... who first?

Roar posted:

Fuck the game's logic. Get ready for your date NOW. Becky will not be stopped on her quest of sluttiness!

NO! I SAID I CAN'T GO ON THE DATE WITHOUT GETTING ADVICE. ARE YOU FUCKING DEAF? GOD.

So, I went to talk to Brett.



Off to the ski shop were Brett was working.



Fella. Haha! I think it was time to use my inventory on him!

I decided to hit him with a can of mace!



Always a crowd pleaser. Next, laxatives.



Vitamins.



























The mountain? Didn't he hear about plumbing? Well, anyway, I'm sure that really didn't happen or something. Hahahahahaha!

So, then I showed him my silver ring.



What the hell?




























What a fucking weirdo. And then a slime walked by.



Anyway, back to business at hand. I needed his advice! NEED. Do you understand me?



Listen, I'm sorta going out with this guy and I need some advice.



Why did he look sad? I guess because it didn't work out with that other guy he set me up with.

ZZT the Fifth posted:

Make him play the DS. If we have to suffer Sprung, they should suffer it even more!

What's that?



The cover of the DS? What's he talking about? Maybe he wast thinking about David Hasslehoff again.




Anyway.

Conor.



Uh oh. I don't think Brett liked Conor.

I don't! Severe dickbag, let me tell you.



edit: I like how you show him a DS, but he comments as if you showed him Sprung. Does this game get anything right?

Yeah, a lot.



Jeez, Brett. We're in love! What do you care?



Look, Brett, I really need advice. Can you help me or not?



Phew.



There were no wrong things to say here, so I just decided to ask him everything I could.

What should I talk about?



How should I act?



What should I wear?



Thanks, Brett!



So he gave me a book of horoscopes and I went to the Nature Trail to meet Shana! I didn't see her right away.

Shana?


name's Shana.

Yikes! She snuck up on me!



I need dating advice.



I knew how to fix that! I gave her the Nintendo DS.



Suddenly, she disappeared!

Shana! Where did you go? What dimension did you disappear to?
The 'under the table' dimension. I can't believe you fell for that!

What an idiot. So I read from the book of horoscopes.



Because life without Conor is completely horrible? No wait...



This book is as inane as you are!



Perfect!



God, this girl was stupid. Anyway.



Sure, I don't want this crap.



Once again, I decided to just ask her everything.

What should I talk about?



How should I act?



What should I wear?



Thanks, Shana!

Now, this would be "Game Over" so to speak, because I didn't ask her "Shana, do you have something for me?" at the very beginning. It would be Game Over because I didn't get the hairpin from Shana that I wasn't really aware that I was required to get, of course! Fortunately, I did and she said:



And now off to Erica or Kiki...

You have to ask her "Shana, do you have something for me?" to get the hairpin, even though the only opportunity you have to ask is before she suggests the hairpin.

Kiki!



So I went over to Kiki, who was hanging out at Sanctuary (where else?) Seriously, the game ran out of artwork a long time ago. Where else?



I maintained my shocked expression for the entire trip there.



I need dating advice. Literally.



Ugh. Good thing Kiki had an extremely short term memory.

Hey Kiks.



What's up?



edit: Fuck. Missed a screencap.

Mr. Lobe posted:

She probably has her eyes on Conor too, considering that he's supposed to be one of the top desirables on the mountain. Best just to be coy about who it is, and just ask say you've got a date.

Nice try, Mr. Lube. Hahaha!

ZZT the Fifth posted:

Show her your sneakers.

Do it.

No thanks, I don't need that.

Uh, okay.

Conor.



Are you into him?



I've been into him forever.



What are you talking about?



That was... not helpful. Oh! I showed her my new silver ring!



I've never done that.



You know? The hideous-sounding one?

Big deal. One time.
My $200 sunglasses...
I've got those on my dresser. I've been meaning to give those to you.



My seventh-grade yearbook.

Okay, okay, Sprung. I GET IT.

I think I let my ex-boyfriend borrow that.



So you're saying you'll let me borrow it as long as I promise to give it back?
NO!!!
Fine, but someday you'll beg me to borrow it.

So then I showed her my gasoline.



Yeah, Kiki. It's a jerrycan of lotion.



It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!
Uhm, WHAT? Nevermind, I don't want any of your lotion.
You sure could use some this lotion.



While I was here in the purse, how about laxatives?

What are those?



Vitamin C.
Ewww. That's gross!
Magic pills that remove facial hair.



Oh no.



Pepper spray!



Anyway.



A date date.




I promise.
Here you go.



Kiki was the best!



Off to Erica... she may not date all that much, but she gives great advice.



Gotta jet.
Talk to you later.

This just brought me back to the boutique where I could choose who to talk to.

So I went back to Erica like a lunatic.

How's it going?
Well, let's see...



And then she ran off! I couldn't go on my date without Erica's items. I guess.

Sigh. So I waited for her to come back and said:

Hey, I'm going on this date. I need your help!



It's not that big a deal.



He's really smart.
That's important! What's his name?
Conor.



Damn right he is! Why? Did she like him? Did she? She'd better lay the fuck off!



Of course!

Duh! It's Conor!



Yikes. That made her angry.

Can you give me any dating advice?



And with that, I had all the items I needed and could save Daphne from the Timewar- no, wait. That was crazy talk.

It was time to get ready for my date!



And I made Brett make me a Photoshop.



I better take a nap beforehand.