Part 10: 10 - Go Habs!

10 - Go Habs!



Hey, the sheriff is a nigger!



Man, this was a terrible place to put a cannon.



Ah, fuck it.



[Probably the biggest pain in the ass about dinosaur riding is that you can only mount and dismount at these ledges. Seems particularly stupid since the platform is directly in the line of fire of the cannon.]



[There's a fair amount to do in this new area. On the right you can see a Life Force Door, but there are no SharpClaw down here, so we'll have to come back for that.]



[Instead Tricky blows this door open and we head up a nearby ladder to find...]



More cogs missing? How the fuck do these assholes get around if all of their bridges are constantly broken?



[Our first objective is to get to the cannon. We do that by using a Booster Pad in the same room to reach a series of platforms.]



[Of course, after playing the shit out of the Sands of Time series, I man up and do them all in one go. ]



[Quickly take this dude out, and...]



[This jerk pops out to watch us as we ready the cannons!]



[Or just sort of...stare off into space.]

Fuck you, Fox. Now they're going to come up here and kick your ass.

I...wouldn't worry about that.



Oh.

[Yeah, about five or so come pouring out of that central hut and wander around while you gun them down. The cannon is pretty simple. You charge it up (which uses a tiny amount of staff power, but there's a red crystal flower behind you, so it hardly matters) and it fires in a arc. The obnoxious part of this is that the cannon's barrel blocks your view so you have to sort of guess. It's not that hard, but you can also just jump down and beat them all to death.]



[Of course, before you go down, the real reason you're up here is to shoot the GIANT, OBVIOUS TARGET on the wall. Blowing it up reveals a passage to elsewhere.]



[Once all the SharpClaw are dead, this door opens.]



[Inside the weird hut we find another weird chest, which contains another cog. Fun fact about these chests:]



[We have to watch TWO item pick-up animations. TWO. One for getting the item from the chest and one for picking the item up. Cunts.]



Do I have to?

You ever want to get off of this retarded planet?

Aw.



[Out of pity I'll only subject you to the second animation.]



[Finally we head through that hole we blew open.]



[Which in turns leads us to a suspicously snowy area.]



[Yes...very suspicious.]



This better be the last fucking cog.



[As a final fuck you, this game requires that you put each cog on the machine manually, one at a time. Using the newly constructed bridge mechanism extends a bridge which leads to a wall that Tricky can dig through that leads into a tunnel where we find...]



[Some kind of medieval bakery. Who builds this shit, and why?]



[Shooting the target high up on the wall begins a timed puzzle! The puzzle? Does Tricky have at least four GrubTubs worth of abilities? Are you so retarded that you didn't bother to feed him when you saw the red-tinted stove-things?]



[Light four fires and we're done.]



[Our reward is the option of suicide.]



Screw you allllll!

Ah, the sweet release of death.



I...didn't actually see that coming.



Back to work, bitch!

_Noooooooo...



Just let me die, you cocksucker.

And go through this alone? Nah.



Hey Fox, I activated the magical transparent bridge!







...you are like a bad penny.

[Heading onwards we find something stuck in a block of ice.



[This is the legendary Dinosaur Beer Funnel, lost for generations and spoken of only in hushed whispers at dinosaur parties. What does it do, you ask?]



Chug, chug, chug!



Go Habs!



Fuck yes.



[...Anyway! Back to the task at hand. We now have a SnowHorn that will take us through the mighty blizzard ahead. He's just as slow and lumbering as the first guy, so it won't be quick, and a quick look at the minimap will make it clear that this will take a while. That bar at the bottom represents his stamina, and as we spend time in the storm it goes down. Wooly mammoth indeed.]



[This screenshot holds a lot of information: first off, it reveals why mammoths went extinct: they only ate food found in intense, warmth-devouring snowstorms which led to eventual starvation and death. Second, it shows that the only way to make it through the storm is to eat the conveniently placed Alpine Roots to keep the SnowHorn's stamina up. Finally, it shows Tricky running ahead like a complete fucking dipshit.]



God damn it, you little knobgoblin!

Your friend will turn up. They usually do.

"They"? You mean all EarthWalkers are as fucking stupid as him? How are they the rulers of the planet?

He's a little kid and he can shoot three-foot-long jets of fire. You figure it out.



[Before we abandon this sucker to succumb to starvation and frostbite we use him to obliterate the door. Inside we find some SharpClaw, but we're in no mood to deal with their shit, so...]



Go Habs!



[Up next we have another hover-thingy section, but this time there are no opponents, so it's not really worth showing a video of. The long and short of it is that you come out onto that path where the boulders were bouncing along and you just sort of noodle along for a while until:]



[Fox totals another fucking bike.]



[Thankfully, divine retribution places him on a fast-moving conveyor belt with numerous flame jets along its length.]



[We've now arrived in the actual mine section of DarkIce Mines.]