Part 10: In Which We Actually Do Something

^ Yeah, but Rena always has a non-caster second helping her out somehow. With that knowledge, even if she can do 1000 damage per hit, it would still be unbelievably boring to control her. As fun as breaking this game is within itself, there's a secondary element of gameplay fun that actually outweighs some aspects of the numbers.

Chapter 9: In Which We Actually Do Something

Today,

we are actually going to get story shit done.


Well, we spent too long grinding so everything in this town is already destroyed.


The Collectors have already sucked out everyone's brain and cut out their organs to sell on the Chinese black market.


See?


No, no, I'm just yanking your chain. I wish that was the case, though, because if it were, we wouldn't have to deal with








retarded anime bullshit like this.


"free!"


Look, lady, I know you mean well, but from what we've seen from Billy and Geese both, neither of them probably has the common sense to know what to even do, okay.


"So in case you two are into that kind of thing, the tools are in the cabinet."
"Tools? Do you mean like hammers and wrenches, Auntie?"
"Well if that's the sort of things you lik--oh. You know what, forget I said anything."




Y'know, just sayin'.


Geese is curious, but Billy's in no mood to talk about it, so they just drop the subject.

I, on the other hand, will explain. Dias is basically the manbaby of Squall and pretty much any antisocial anime swordfighter you can imagine. In short, he's a double-emo samurai with the tragic past of having his family killed in front of his eyes as he was getting kicked in the head, which made him very unhappy, very cliché, and probably kinda too. Also Billy wanted his penis, but he said no because didn't want to go to jail on account of being like ten years older than her.


Anyway, Geese changes the subject


and makes the most pitiful pass at a woman ever made by a man, fictional or otherwise.


Billy, of course, will have none of his shit


and spends the rest of the night thinking of her long-lost dreamboat samurai.


IT WAS SPECIAL ALL RIGHT

Now that it's daytime, we can explore the town.


This is a church. It serves no purpose in this game whatsoever, unless you're playing as Claude and recruit the married doctor, Bowman, in which case I think there's a private action in here in which Bowman checks out some nuns. Which is actually kind of awesome characterization, considering that this is Star Ocean 2.


There's a backstreet here, and there's even a boy hiding behind the railing over there, but such a joke is about ten years too late to be relevant.

Okay, time to do some Private Action-ing.




There is a dog in the square with an unbelievably high Pickpocket DC. He is carrying an Orichalcum, but it's not like this is a really great prize or anything considering we get these by the dozens in an area about five minutes away from here.

You should always try to do your Pickpocketing during Private Actions. Otherwise, your party members will hate whoever is doing the deed and said character will probably get a solo ending.


Going toward the castle while doing a PA in this city gets you this scene.




yeah you basically see a dude with a dick on his forehead


Anyway, that's about it for the Private Actions in the town of Cross for now. This is basically a screenshot of the best loot you can get here, some fuckin' booze.

Considering that this is a Playstation game, I'm surprised that they censored sake into "tea," but whatev'. Much better games have done the same, but I wonder if it's a case of censoring so much as it was a localization decision in which the translators took into account that the players of their games might have no idea what sake is, which would actually be a really good choice.

For the curious, sake tastes awful unless it's flavored, in which case it just tastes crappy, and when anyone describes it as "smooth," they mean "it burns EVEN MORE when you drink it." Oddly enough, it's one of my drinks of choice, right after whisky and barleywine ales.


Okay, that's enough of a tangent. Now for some real earth-shattering shit.


man how dumb do you have to be to not be able to use the reception desk RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU

Actually, it's really easy to talk to either of the two attendants here by accident. You want the one on the left, but even when you're standing on the left side of the table, you'll sometimes talk to the one on the right and get this message. I don't know if you want to call that hit detection or what, but whatever it is, it's really badly done.


Anyway, we do it right this time. Notice where Geese is standing to get a good idea of how far left I had to stand to actually talk to THIS receptionist.




Cool, a license to loot.


No treasures in the kitchen, but Billy's scoping out some marks for later.


... Not that the treasures in here are especially good. But if we hadn't already broken the fuck out of this game--you can probably actually get halfway through the second disc with what we have right now thanks to the Marvel Sword--these would be some nice, free upgrades.


:siesta:

the king has been hiring illegals on the cheap i see




OH BOY A RUMOR


In actuality, the maids are just horribly uninformed.


... But we'll help ourselves to the prince's stash anyway.


I'm not sure what the trigger is on starting your audience, but I'm fairly certain it's basically "leave the main hallway and come back."


Just in time!


Okay yeah pleasantries blah, blah, blah, etc.


Investigating the Sorcery Globe, yeah, yeah.


Here, the game actually has the gall to make you ask each specific question, and if you speed through the text too fast you'll just re-ask the first one over and over.

Also, a hooker comes in to spy on us.

Anyway, have the abridged version:



It normally takes him like fifty text boxes to say this. I mean if I was a video game, I'd punch him, and then take all the guards because I'm Level 26 with a motherfucking Marvel Sword.

But then, this isn't how it works in video games (except for Mass Effect).


But he can be forgiven because he calls Tallgeese fat.

_{yes i know that's not what he means by stout}


The king gives us a passport and 600 Fol. What a cheapass.


Of course, a trait shared by all hookers, the sound of money excites the one spying on us.


Okay great can we leave yet


YES WE CAN.


i am so leaving as fast as i can


--well shit. If it's not one wall of text blocking my way, it's another.

But we'll find out what Billy is so puzzled about in the NEXT EXCITING EPISODE of LET'S PLAY SOME MOTHERFUCKIN' STAR OCEAN 2