Part 27: In Summation
So I'm sorry for lying to you guys and making it sound like it would take a million years, we're finishing Disc 1 tonight.
Chapter 25: In Summation
Okay so today, we're gonna take the removal of the story aspect from SO2 and turn it into an art form.
THE BEST ART FORM.
So here is a quick summary of the rest of the first disc:
After meeting the linguist, Larry invites the party over to stay at his and his wife's house. That night, he asks Billy for sex, and when she declines, he forces his way into the party so he can have a chance to hook up with her in the ending.
So we go back to Lacour to ask for a ship to investigate the Sorcery Globe, but the king is like "no now I want to build a superweapon" and you're like "cool"
This misadventure takes us to the Temple of the Ancients from FF7, except we're looking for Magical Plutonium instead of
FUN WHITE DRAGON FACT: Years upon years ago, it was at this point in the game that my parents overheard the voice acting while I was playing, but they thought it was me making the battle cries rather than the game and they grounded me for a month for "getting too into it."
There are more interesting things to do in the Temple of the Ancients than find Magical Plutonium.
His Royal Highness then instructs us to commit genocide against some monsters for him.
When we get there,
Knox is waiting for us.
This time, he joins us.
Then we fight an unbeatable boss who looks kind of like Elvis, if Elvis were purple, winged, retarded, melodramatic, and not hideously obese.
Some shit goes down and the king uses the superweapon and we get on a boat and we fight Unbeatable Elvis again, except this time we're fighting him on a boat and then he sinks it when he inevitably wins.
Tallgeese isn't in this picture because he washed ashore about five meters to the left, which is why everyone presumes that he is dead. Larry is grinning because he's pretty sure he's about to score with everyone else in the picture, including Gyoro, Ururun, and ZeeToo's shower curtain.
Anyway, somewhere along the line, we meet back up with Geese and head to this huge building surrounded by an empty moat. Incidentally, we washed up on the same continent as the Sorcery Globe, but we don't investigate it whatsoever and instead opt to check this place out instead.
This dungeon has pretty cool music I guess but the inherent problem is that this dungeon also has a really shitty puzzle that I won't bother going into but basically the solution is to tell this priest the password "APOCA" and it's more retarded than this game which is kind of like the "God makes a rock that he can't lift" paradox
Anyway at the top of the tower, we meet Purple Elvis again and this time we can actually do more than 0 damage to him and we kill him in like five seconds. Then suddenly, Geese gets a call on his space cell phone and he's like "holy shit get away from me" and Billy is like "why?
" and Geese is like "BECAUSE YOU ALL HAVE THE DOWNS AND I DON'T WANT TO CATCH IT"and then he disappears just as billy says "IT'S A LITTLE TOO LATE FOR THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
While Geese is away, you just kinda sit around for like two hours and then finally he beams back down from wherever he was. If you're playing as Geese, you know he was in his spaceship, but if you're playing as Billy, you know that you just sat around for the past two hours doing nothing.
Anyway Geese reappears and he's like "Man I missed you guys" and Larry is like "Man I missed you Geese" and Ashton is like "Man I missed you Geese" and Dias is like "Man I missed you Geese" and ZeeToo is like "Man I missed you Geese" and Billy is like "Man I missed you Geese" and Geese is like "Who the fuck was talking to you Billy"
Anyway we explore the tower more and we see this huge see-thru statue of like an aborted alien angel fetus and you're like, "what the fuck, Enix I just want to get my fuckin' treasure hunt on, I don't need to see your riveting social commentary"
I'm not making this up by the way
Anyway, we finally get to the real top of the tower, and the room is completely black.
There is some exposition with nameless faceless villains, ONE OF WHICH WHO SPEAKS IN ALL CAPS.
Anyway all of a sudden we fight ANOTHER unbeatable boss who looks like a knight. Strangely enough, the background of this battlefield is the Sorcery Globe, or at least a holographic projection of the Sorcery Globe. It is actually a lot smaller than the intro movie would lead you to believe, and is actually only about as tall as three battle sprites.
So, uh, mission accomplished I guess.
It is worth noting that if you die--as in, run out of HP--to this boss, you get a game over. You actually have to survive for about five minutes, letting him chase you, keeping in mind that he can easily kill a Level 100 character in one hit, and that he moves considerably faster than you do at this point in the game.
Suddenly, the world gets destroyed by a pink supernova and as much as I wish I was kidding, this is not only pretty much exactly what happens, but it also happens this utterly randomly in the actual game itself as it does in this rendition of the rest of Star Ocean 2: Disc 1.
SEE YOU ALL ON ENERGY NEDE