Part 10: Xizor's Palace

Xizor's Palace: Gladiator Droid Introduction


This clip is hilarious. Xizor never once meets Dash Rendar in the book. He doesn't even know who he is. In the novel and comic book, when Xizor catches a glimpse of Dash he identifies him as some unknown hanging out with Luke and co. It's funny, then, that in Dash Rendar's narrative of events, Xizor takes the time to send a personal message, name him by name, and leave a giant kill-bot for him to fight.

Oh, and the kill-bot? Totally didn't happen.

Dash Rendar!



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Luke and co. move into Xizor's sewage plant and find it guarded. Of course it's guarded, this is Xizor we're talking about. Fortunately, there's only six of them and some are busy playing cards. Dash offers to shoot them all (haha, oh, Dash), but Luke nixes the plan: "we're not the Empire!" So he and Chewie jump out and shout, "nobody move!" Only Chewie, covered in shit and not wearing boots, slips and falls. The guards run for their weapons. Meanwhile, Leia is hit by a sudden jolt of fear. Luke is surprised by how fast and well-trained the guards are considering they're the guys watching the sewage plant. No matter, Dash has already taken out half of the guards cause he's DASH RENDAR. One of the guards gets on a comlink before getting shot. Guri reveals to Xizor that there appears to be some sort of problem in the subbasement. Overconfident as ever, Xizor waves it off. He figures it couldn't be more than Skywalker and the Wookie down there. Silly, Xizor, Dash Rendar is worth 10 men.

Luke and co. are finally in the palace. They work their way through the floors quickly, taking out guards as they go. Threepio calls them up: armed guards have found the Falcon. Luke orders them to take off. Leia puts on her Boushh disguise as she can feel Luke nearby. Guri informs Xizor of their rapid progress. He orders her to fetch the princess. Meanwhile, Luke is impressed with how much of a bad-ass Dash is:


Guri enters Leia's room, but Leia has already been hiding by the door. She ducks out and pushes Guri into the room as she enters, closing and locking it behind her. Guri begins to break the freaking door down, so Leia runs for it. Threepio and Artoo call back to let Luke know they're in the air. Luke tells them to come to Xizor's palace and enter a holding pattern. Guri bursts into Xizor's room and reveals that the princess has escaped. Xizor, really pissed off now, gets a blaster and resolves to handle things himself. Meanwhile, Luke and co. finally meet up with Leia.

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Guri goes to sound the general alarm, but Xizor stops her--his pride won't allow. He plans to dispatch Luke personally. (We all know how this is going to end, right?) Luke and co. plan to head up to the nearest floor with a landing platform to meet with the Falcon. Xizor foresees this move and lies in wait on that precise floor. Luke and the others are getting a bit winded from all the running, so Dash chides them for not being in shape. You know, cause all that running around Gall really helped out Dash's physique. Xizor sees them first, because Guri was peeking through a side door. He sees Luke, Leia, Lando, Chewie, and a fifth he doesn't recognize--DASH! How could you not recognize Dash Rendar!? Curse you, Xizor! Anyways, Xizor takes aim at Skywalker--perfect aim--and fires. And Luke deflects the blast bolt easily! Xizor is surprised and even more pissed off now. He fires again. Meanwhile, Guri rips a massive metal chair out of the floor and hurls it down the corridor like it weighs nothing at all. I'll repeat that. Guri hurls a massive metal chair, ripped from the floor, down the hall as if it weighed nothing at all. (Awesome).

Fortunately, Chewie's bowcaster blows it up.

As the others begin concentrating fire on Xizor's position, he realizes he is outgunned. They retreat and Xizor consents to Guri calling down the guards. Leia recognizes Xizor as he pulls back from cover and points him out. Luke wants to go after him, but guards show up. Good ol'Lando pulls a thermal detonator out of his pocket. He has three. Leia takes one. Everyone shares glances. Luke gives a second to Luke. They head out to the hallway. Xizor recognizes the detonator's beeping sound immediately and orders a cease fire. Luke and co. step out into the hallway and inform Xizor that it's on a dead-man's switch and that they are Class-A detonators, able to take out several floors of the building. With so many destroyed girders, the 80 stories above would likely topple. Xizor tells them to leave. As they start to back out, Lando pulls out the third detonator, puts it on a timer, and drops it down the recycling chute to the sub-basement.

They have five minutes before the whole thing goes up in flame.

Xizor orders his guards to find it, but they're already running. Xizor goes to his personal ship. The Rebels have escaped. Guri is MIA.

Xizor is raging.

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Dash leads Luke and the others to where the Falcon can land. Guri confronts them. She and Luke engage each other. She's good, but Luke has the Force. He uses it to get the advantage. He poises himself over he prone body to deliver the coup de grace with his lightsaber. Guri tells him to do it, but Luke hesitates. He leaves her alive and they flee. Meanwhile, Xizor gets on his personal ship, the Virago. It's a heavily armoured, custom Star Viper. He takes off for his skyhook, Falleen's Fist, when he is almost hit by a passing Millenium Falcon.


Back on the landing platform, Luke and the others wait for Threepio and Artoo to arrive. Luke notices a set of paragliders on the platform. He toys with the idea of using them to escape if the Falcon doesn't arrive soon. It's almost a throw away detail, and it's unimportant to the novel overall, but this little significant detail is actually really important later on. Seriously. But we'll get to that.

The Falcon comes in too fast, almost crashes, then lands. Dash notes that Leebo is a pretty good pilot behind the Outrider's helm. This is the second of the three brief mentions of Leebo in the book. Anyways, they get aboard and Dash flies them out of their just in time to avoid the explosion.

Xizor's palace collapses in on it self.



Waiting at the end of the Coruscant sewers were a few guards playing cards, NOT a giant dianoga hooked up a door that would open upon its death. (But try telling Dash that). Seriously, look at Dash's sweet action dive. His blaster bolts are going THROUGH the guards and killing multiples with a single shot.



Guri tires to warn Xizor, but he doesn't listen.



Anyways, it doesn't take very long for them to blast their way to Leia's room. It's pretty straight-forward, unlike whatever Dash tells you.



They call in the droids to bring the Falcon around. Finally, Threepio and Artoo get to something meaningful! Also, never let a droid pilot your ship. (Lando is shooting the security cameras on each floor as they ascend the palace).



Xizor tries to handle things himself. We finally get to see if this tough guy can truly walk his talk. It goes as well as you could expect:



Haha, oh Lando, you scoundrel!



But seriously, never let a droid pilot your ship.



And Xizor escapes on the Virago. You can wake up now, crow. It's time for another vehicle update.



Also, that transmission Xizor just made there? Well, you'll see it in the next update, but let's just say that he's made a pretty big mistake.



Track 10 - The Destruction Of Xizor's Palace

Technically, you could listen to this here. Xizor's palace has been destroyed. However, the track and the subsequent description bleed over into the next level and finish off the SOTE story (as it's the final track on the album). As such, I'm refraining from posting the write-up here and will make it available in the next update.

Just so you know.


Courtesy of nine-gear crow.

ASP-19 Battle Droid

Part of Industrial Automation’s ASP series of droids, ASP-19s are the combat variants of the series, used primarily by the Galactic Empire. They are notable for having frames that feature large empty spaces in the middle of their torso in order to provide greater frame strength overall.

Though ASP droids are often thought to be inexpensive utility droids ideal for being an owner’s first ever droid, the ASP-19 is the most expensive of the ASP series thanks to its heavy armour, combat sensors, and in some cases, laser armaments. ASP-19s are sometimes used to compliment living security forces, such as Xizor’s personal Black Sun troopers in his palace.

ASP-19s are also used as training dummies. Darth Vader in particular used an ASP-19 to hone his lightsaber skills in his off hours.

The above image of Vader fucking up said ASP-19 comes from one of the Shadows of the Empire mini-comics published by Galoob.


Xizor’s Gladiator Droid

I don’t know why I’m even including this one, since Xizor’s Palace didn’t happen the way Dash says it did, but what the hell.

Gladiator droids are droids built specifically for the purpose of engaging in quasi-legal close quarters fighting matches, either with other droids or biological entities, purely for the audience’s entertainment. They can be either unarmed or equipped with heavy weaponry, depending on their owners’ tastes and finances. Gladiator droids are designed with redundant systems and are built to be incredibly resilient, even when operating with catastrophic damage, often being very difficult to properly destroy. So at least Dash put some effort into making his lie believable this time.

Xizor’s gladiator droid, if it even actually exists, is a bipedal humanoid model towering some 20 feet tall and equipped with seeker missiles, a jury-rigged high-yield mining laser, and repulsorlift engines on its torso and neck which enable it to continue operating even if it loses its legs or torso in combat.

The image itself is a screenshot from Shadows of the Empire taken from Wookieepedia. Note the filename, unchanged from where I pulled it from.

Stay classy, Wookieepedia.





Dash Rendar - 10

Han Solo - 11

Next episode will decide, once and for all, the question of who is better: Dash Rendar or Han Solo?



Guri stars in the 'hit' comedy, "Because 'fuck you,' that's why!"



EDIT:

This update seems to have inspired a "Cult Of Dash Rendar."




And thus it was so: