Part 2: Reign of the Bad Coding

Reign of the Bad Coding

So I am trying these guys as PNG instead of JPEG because things were a little blurry. Hope it improves!

Today I demonstrate how to make Stygian unwinnable.



Welcome to Arkham! Get used to this map, as much of the game is spent running around the three Arkham screens until events fire to do things. If I haven't made it clear, this game is terrible.



The first thing you want to do is loot the trash. You might need those cigs! You will need those cigs!



Remember when I said Stygian was a land of Cthulhu and prostitutes? We just passed Cthulhu, so...



: Sure, I could use some relief.



Prostitutes prefer lesbians, you heard it here first.

: Understood. Let's go.



I am really glad this game didn't give us a drawn sex scene or worse, one written in Lovecraftian prose.



That's a third of our lost sanity back! We also got 3 earlier from asking darts guy about a prize, because that is "materialistic" or something.



: How did you become a, uhm, you know...

: A whore, you mean? Why the shyness now? We were moaning on a filthy street corner moments ago, darling. I know what you call me and I don't care.

: You think I was someone else before the Black Day? Not at all. I just continued what I've been doing. Nothing changed in that regard, and I'd lived to see all those respectable ladies fall...



: They will pay for their deeds one day, don't worry.

: Will they? Good-bye, darling.


Ugh. This really just screams of the need to make this game "adult" like Marino calling you cornuto and whatnot. One of the notable things about Lovecraft's stories is that they're incredibly sexless. The narrators are usually all sheltered Lovecraft self-inserts and women appear rarely if at all. I would not harp on this so much if the game wasn't dedicated to clinging to the trappings of Lovecraft so hard leading to an awkward mishmash of all things Lovecraft. The game is set in Arkham near Miskatonic University in the 1920s. Lovecraft wrote about that era because that was the era in which he lived. His successors write about that era because they're unimaginative hacks.

I know you all are curious about what powerful sex magic Bertha knows, so let's take a look, shall we?



See anything missing? Say, attack spells? That's right! Stygian starts you off with no attack spells whatsoever. You have the Evil Eye spell you will never use because it throws down a mediocre debuff, and Blood Circle, which is actually kind of hardcore but you need 8 AP to cast it. That is more AP then most characters get, which means that you will continue casting till your next turn rolls around. Any successful attack breaks the circle, which means that for Bertha this is completely fucking useless unless our enemies are melee only or we dope her up with cocaine.



Honest Bill's pawnshop is our next destination, as I want to buy Bertha a crowbar.





: Who are you?



: Cortellinis?



: I see.



: Is Charley the smiling blond fellow?



: Another thing.

: Get lost. You ain't no buyer, just a fucking time waster.

Well, fuck you too. We have to talk to him again.



: I'd like to trade.

: If you got the Cigs. And don't forget that the Mob pays good money for bullets.

Whatever. I buy a crowbar. This guy is your main source of guns and ammo. There's a junk dealer who sells homemade pistols and shit. Hit this guy first.


Joe also sells this:



Moving on!



There's a short cutscene where the ground shakes and it makes these guys very sad.



To progress the plot we need to grab that key on the ground where the Dismal Man left.



Welcome to the real Stygian experience: aimlessly wandering around until something happens! Meet Eduardo.



: Are you following me?

: No, no senora. But I cannot help to notice about you the scent of danger, of violencía...

: You have that scent on you. I've seen you talk to people, asking questions. While others wait for Santa Muerte, you have a mísíon. I don't know what it is, but you know the time will come and blood be spilled, no?



: Some of my enemies may not be human...



: What do you want in return?



Ah, yes, the shitty immature option.

: I've seen how you stare at me. Does it have a price, too?



: How much for bodyguard duty?



: Deal. Follow me.

: Bueno. Lead the way, senora. Eduardo Carnela, your angel protector is by your side.




Eduardo joined the party. You want Eduardo because he has a bitchin gun and free ammo. You might notice he doesn't take up one of our three party slots, he is a "henchmen" and thus doesn't count against our party limit. The regular party members do. We have two slots, there are three party members in the game.



Moving on to the next screen we get a cutscene where this mafia guy shoots the dude for looking at him and goes into the club-turned-"crime fortress". Whatever. We don't care about that. We have an antique shop to go to.



RIP Random Guy. You no longer have to be in Stygian. Would that we were so lucky.



Our destination is Schmidt's Antiques.





: That's a very nice collection of keys you have.



: Why the interest in keys?



: What changed after the Black Day?



: I'll feel better knowing why you want them so badly.

: Very well. After the Black Day, like many others, I lost all hope. With no reason to go on, I decided to end it... you know what I mean.

: But what I desired most is forbidden to men. For days I fasted and prayed for Hashem's forgiveness, determined to end this misery of an existence...

: I passed out from hunger and exhaustion, and then I dreamt of two keys. One was gold and burning, though it was only warm to the touch.



: Go on.

: They were the keys to the temple of Solomon! I felt the Light inside me. Oh. Hashem... He spoke to me. (The old man's eyes widen and lose focus, as if he were in a trance).



: How can a bunch of keys help you escape?



: If the pay is good we can share that dream.



This is what the belief choices affect - if Bertha acts like a greedy, horny asshole we get sanity points back. We want sanity points.



: What do you know about this key?



: From a mysterious man, but I found it because of a dream. Long story.



: It is not for sale.



: Tell me about it first and I'll think about it.

: Forgive me but I don't trust people easily. This particular habit also helped me tremendously in staying alive.

Then we're taken back to the 500 Cigs screen.

: I said no.



: Don't waste your breath. I won't sell it.



: Uh...a thousand for that? Alright, I guess.

This is a Bad Idea, but I'm sure we don't need the key to progress and he'll tell us where to go, right?



Look, we got 10 sanity and a thousand Cigs. This rules! We leave the shop and...





Alright, that was funny, I'll load the autosave and -



: I want to buy the key back.

You're fucking shitting me.



: What have you done with the key, it's not on you...[Subterfuge]



Really. We are traumatized enough by not being able to complete the game we gain ANGST.



Really?



FUCK YOU, STYGIAN!


Next time: Terrible, terrible combat!