Part 4: Pirate Brandeau

You know what, I'm sorry, I've lied to you guys. I'm not going to wait until later to delve into trading, I want to get started now, damn it.

This has nothing to do with the fact that I underestimated how easy it is to cheese Gunter with savestates and the FPS limit cranked up or anything.

As a bonus, here are the rules to Triple Toss Chinchirorin. You have three dice, and each player has three chances to roll for a score. If you roll two of the same, your score is equal to your third die (so 1, 1, 3 is a three, while 3, 3, 1 is a one). The winner is the player with the highest score or the player with a score if the other one fails to get one.

Additionally, if any of the combinations shown in the picture shows up, that is an immediate resolution - no more rolls, the player who rolled the combination either loses twice the wager for 1, 2, 3, or wins two, three or even five times the wager for the other combinations. Here you also see the only real difference from the earlier games' Chinchirorin - a "piss", three ones, is no longer an instant loss, but the single biggest winning combination.

Finally, if either player throws outside the bowl, they instantly lose.

Gunter always goes first, which probably does give him an advantage (given there are more instant victory combos than instant loss ones) but the game seems to be relatively fair over all.



Now then, the trading post. If you look at the greyed out text at the top, you'll see various bad ores and cloth, as well as the normal wool cloth that's highlighted. The way it works is you buy all their bad stuff, then sell it back to them, and they'll magically start carrying the normal stuff.

Well, hopefully. If they don't, just buy back all the bad stuff, then wait for five minutes or so for the trading post to "recharge", then buy all the new bad stuff and then sell it back, along with the ones you bought previously. It's honestly kind of bothersome, but if you repeat this enough,



...they will eventually upgrade the normal goods to good one as well.

These materials can be used later in the game to craft stuff, but for most items that you really want to make, you'll also need rare drops from enemies, and that's really a pain.

Oh yeah, and I also bought all the rum.



Well, good luck!

Shall we go in, Lazlo?

Anyway, to get back to more serious, and less lucrative, business...



...there's a weird bald guy waiting for us in the audience chamber.

So, you're both here. Good work on your patrol mission.

I am relieved to have completed my first mission without a mishap. So, Commander, what is this separate mission you speak of?

Haha, impatient, aren't we? Snowe, Lazlo... Let me introduce you to our client, Mr. Ramada.

Client? Sounds more like mercenary work than knightly duties to me.



Indeed, these are the ones I spoke about earlier.

Aren't they still just children?



There is no need for concern. Numerous training expeditions have left them quite familiar with the Iluya area.

I have no idea what she's talking about

But... There is a risk of pirate attacks on this route.

No ordinary pirate will stand a chance against a Marines Academy graduate who is skilled in handling a Rune Cannon. Have no fear.

The Pirate Brandeau is no ordinary pirate!

I see... Well, if you say so. Sir Snowe, Sir Lazlo... I would like to entrust you both to guide us to Iluya. It sounds pitiful, but we were attacked by monsters on our way home from Middleport. We ended up drifting here...

I can think of no worse fate.

No, seriously.

We felt that it was in our best interests to have someone familiar with the area guide us.

The Iluya area, is it? We have trained in that region of the sea many times. It will not pose a problem for us.

(Actually, I'm pretty sure the encounters up around that area would be a bit of a pain right now. Well, you'll see.)

In that case, we will travel at your discretion. Thank you for your assistance.

Are you going to Iluya to trade?

Yes. Southern spices are popular in this area.

Snowe, I am appointing you as captain. Do your best.

Sir Glen, isn't this mission too simple for Snowe? I wouldn't mind at all if you sent him to lead the front lines.

<sub>"See? I told you he never loved me!"

"..."</sub>

My Lord, I understand... However, I believe tasks such as this are also necessary for your son's future.

I see... Very well, then... Snowe, we are all counting on you to do your best. Do not disappoint us.

Y-Yes, sir! I will do my best!

Well then, Captain Snowe. Please make your preparations.

Understood, ma'am.
Mr. Ramada, I sense your uneasiness. But I believe we can alleviate your concerns once you've seen us out at sea.

I suppose so. Just let me know when you are ready. In the meantime, I'll be making preparations of my own.

I understand. We will leave now. Let's go, Lazlo.

Fade to black. Outside...


Well, shall we get ready for our voyage?

...Snowe seems to have forgotten everything about getting sent to the "front lines" (whatever those are, I don't remember seeing anything like that around anywhere).



As soon as we get out of the hall, he leaves us for some reason. Time for Lazlo to go take a look around town.



Sounds good! I'm sure we won't run into any



what

Mizuki: We need to leave this area of the sea as quickly as possible.

We're running late as it is. I'll bet Mr. Ramada's gonna chew us out. Man, this stinks. I don't want to go back.

But there's probably no one else who could've done this job.

Still... You never know what the Chairman's thinking. We could get back, and he might suddenly say, "You useless dogs!" and then... chop!

Akaghi, you don't know who might be listening in on us...

Oh... well... that is... I mean...



I'm actually not sure if this portrait ever gets used again.

Akaghi, don't slip up!

Oh, come on. He's nobody.

It can't hurt to be a little curious. For all we know, he could end up as our guide or something.

No way. Mr. Ramada isn't that stupid.

I also trust Mr. Ramada, but... Well, anyway, we should get ready soon.

...I will find that guard, and I will have him fired.

No, sorry, the word is "arquebused".



Anyway, Snowe has finished doing whatever he was doing and is waiting outside the hall.



Yes, let's go.

In that case, let us get underway at once.

Well, Captain Snowe, if anything happens, send a nasel bird--

To communicate, I know. Have faith in me. I will not disappoint you.

Hmm... a nasel bird?

Oh, it's nothing you need to worry about.

If you say so...

Well, Mr. Ramada, shall we get going?

Oh, y-yes... Um, we're counting on you to see us through safely.

The game then dumps us back on the fucking ocean.



You see that blue arrow?

Yeah.

Fortunately, we just have to sail for long enough to get Razril properly out of sight on the minimap before things start happening.



Hey... That Mr. Ramada, he said that his cargo was spices, didn't he?
Actually, I managed to catch a glimpse of Mr. Ramada's cargo before we departed from the port.

Good thinking! We'll make a good commander of you yet. All Lazlo could think about was the half-naked ninja chick on the pier.

There were containers of Rune Cannon ammunition. Really big ones at that.
I've never seen anything like them. They had to be at least five to ten times larger than the ones we use. Can you imagine? If you got hit by something like that... Even a single shot could sink a galleon.



Oh shit.

And speaking of shit, it is going down elsewhere as well.



Please excuse me... So, Commander, what do you make of the communique?

I read it...
Considering the ship's course, we cannot ignore the potential threat it poses to that Orark marine transport.


Could it belong to Pirate Brandeau, who has been raiding our waters lately?

Sometimes, I just wish these characters would get just a tiny little bit self aware.

He said he had no important cargo, so I saw no problem in naming Snowe the captain, but...

Commander... In other words, you assigned Snowe captaincy while you lacked confidence in his abilities?

Our Lord is also the owner of the Marines Academy. There will be times when I cannot gainsay him. But it seems I made a wise decision in sending Lazlo with him, just in case...

He finally comes out and says it. Thing is, Snowe really isn't officer material - but apparently Lord Vingerhut not only owns the Knights, he is also one of those parents, and so Glen is forced to give Snowe special treatment. Meanwhile, Snowe is caught between his father's unrealistic expectations and Glen's growing frustration at having to train the kid for a position he's not suited for. All around shitty situation for everyone involved.

Vice-Commander, prepare a fast ship for me immediately. I will select a small crew and pursue Snowe.

Yes, sir!

I have a vaguely bad feeling about this. I hope my worries are all for naught.

But of course, we all know better than to believe that. Glen's ship had better be fast indeed, because Snowe and Lazlo have just spotted a strange ship on the horizon...



I, uh, really can't see more than maybe four things on that ship that could be masts -



- oh wait, maybe the giant fucking cannonball obscured them.



Lazlo picks himself, and Snowe, off the deck. Snowe, however, seems to be having...



...some trouble.



The pain! I can't- I can't move my arm!!

Knight of Gaien: Sir... C-Captain...?



You know what the most terrifying part about this shot is? Not the fireball taking up half the screen. The water texture.



However, the water texture doesn't do this.

Well, not usually, anyway.



Rest in peace, nameless grunt. I'm sure your family would miss you if they could actually tell you from all these other nameless grunts.

So, pop quiz: what happens when you take a kid with no real combat experience, give him a position he's entirely unsuited to because his dad is kind of a dick, then send him out to fight a pirate voiced by Steve Blum of all people?

...R-Return to port! Go to full speed!!!! Quickly!!!!

Correct answer is "he freaks the fuck out".



Please, just steer us to port! I can't... I can't take this anymore!

So naturally, the gamefaqs crowd who can't stand when a young character thrown into an extremely shitty situation acts like anything other than a ruthless killing machine without any trace of humanity all think he's a whiny cunt. Except this is gamefaqs we're talking about so they actually call him a wh*ny c*nt, and then they get probated for circumventing the bad word filter.

Knight of Gaien: Are you saying we're going to flee and abandon our mission?!



"Didn't you fuckers hear that? He has a name and portrait. Think very carefully about this!"

Knight of Gaien: Yes, sir! To port! We'll be able to avoid them going full speed!

Except...



...the game really wants us to fight a naval battle here so we can't run even if we try.



Snowe isn't having any of their lip. He's off to man the cannons and

It's useless!! Th-this ship is going to sink!!



wait

snowe

what the fuck are you doing



Bonus material!



If Lazlo hadn't decided to follow Snowe's instinct and had ordered the knights to fight back, instead of having Snowe tell you the enemy is too fast...

Wh-What are you saying?! I'm the captain here! You must follow my orders!



Namless Grunt #43 doesn't seem to agree with him.

(looking at Lazlo) What do you think you're doing?!

Apart from that, nothing changes.