Part 32: Tea and cakes

So last time, we got thrown in jail.

Again.

It's time to finish up Retardville and move on to greener pastures, as in, anywhere else.



Sheesh... The residents on this island are all just so...

Did you say something?

Yes, he called you an absolute fucker. Do you want to make something of this? Please say you want to make something of this. I can't reach the elf from here, but beating your face into a wall might at least take my mind off it for a moment.

Nope.

Pussy.



We were the ones who took your precious medicine... Please accept our deepest apologies.

By the way, Lino speaks for himself. I'm not apologizing for shit.

Elven Elder: Hahaha. Yes. It went just as planned.

What?



i mean

of course he's fucking plotting something

do you need him to spell it out on the goddamn wall:

I,

CHIEF POINTY EARED BASTARD,

AM,

IN FACT,

PLOTTING SOMETHING


However, I cannot allow them to sell this land to another country.

The worst part here? Is that he's actually right in the basic sense, and yet he still manages to be at least as big a retard as the island chief because what he's planning isn't going to help that situation in the least!

What are you getting at?


One petty excuse and they will hurt others without a second thought. I know of no other such species...

Oh! Oh! I know of one! They're called... what's the word again... ELVES.

Elven Elder: You will be witnesses to the tragedy that will unfold here. That is why I will allow you to live. It should be but a few more days, so behave yourselves.

Chief pointy eared bastard flounces off and takes Elfro with him. Few days? You assholes do know that I have a fuckhuge battleship full of the best warriors in these waters anchored just outside town, right? You don't think, maybe, someone will come looking for the leader of the fucking army and the king of Obel if his little side trip takes suspiciously long?

Wait, I mean: they would come looking for us, except everyone not present in my current party has to share about three brain cells between them. So I guess there's nothing standing in his way after all.



Yeah, that's gonna work.



Time to run around talking to everyone.

So, they knew from the start that we were going to steal the Elven Remedy.

That elf... He's definitely up to something...

yes

so maybe you could blow a hole in the wall or something so we can get out of here

i'd do it myself but

you know

my rune kind of kills people when they use it

so

i gave you that rage rune for a reason

Damn it... I can never understand what the elves are thinking...

No, I imagine you have problems understanding what most people are thinking, because the process is so unfamiliar to you.



Anyway then Selma comes up and breaks shit.



What's going on?

Who cares! Let's just get out of here!



So it's back over the fucking path to the fucking town and



Oh, look, a villager just collapsed in front of us! This day is looking up!


You've got some nerve, offering us poison! You traitors!!

So then they attack us and



well you know how that tends to work out by now.

That's Judgement, by the way. I'd show you the entire thing, except that is the entire thing.

By which I mean it looks like shit.

How very fitting that it gets used on Na-Nal.



Why are you trying to console the dickbag, Lino? We have more important things to see to, like maybe killing all the remaining soldiers. And if we "accidentally" hit some of the surviving villagers - well, it would be tragic, of course, but I'm sure I'd get over it eventually.



You just had to survive, didn't you.

Pops, we were tricked... What I gave them was poison... And then they...

Na-Nal Island Chief: I heard. But that was merely their excuse. This would have happened sooner or later. It was just sooner...

what

no

you fed them poison

this would piss off pretty much any and everyone

you dumb fuck

Na-Nal Island Chief: Axel... Accompany these people.

N-Now, you're going to trust these guys?

No. He's just trying to cover his ass because he's gone off like a retard and made the Kooluk mad and now we're the only ones who can save him.

Na-Nal Island Chief: That's right. If I am mistaken, I will pay for it with my life. But if cooperation is the only way to avoid such a fate... then I am willing to take that chance.
I apologize for our earlier behavior. I would like to formally request an alliance with you.

I, holder of the rune which governs atonement and forgiveness, hereby decree that I do not forgive you, you condescending piece of shit.



Hey, that's being a bit mean...

No, it fucking well isn't! The man is an absolute tit!

Island Chief, we would also like to form an alliance with you. Let us stand together against the Kooluk invasion.

Na-Nal Island Chief: Thank you... As proof of our alliance, I will lend to you my son's services. Do not be afraid to test his abilities.

I-I look forward to serving with you. Well, I'll be going on ahead.

Yaaaay

You already saw Axel's stat block and I see no reason to believe we'll ever use him because the game is almost over and he sucks ass.



Oh, hey! Finally a friendly face.

But Sir Troy was assigned to Na-Nal...

Couldn't you dickbags have nuked Na-Nal instead of Iluya?

Bah. His methods take too long. Unless we want the platoon we brought in from HQ to be annihilated, we must advance southwards more quickly... If they assemble into a united front, they could pose a problem for us... Colton, we must keep this quiet from Troy for now.

Understood.



That's what you get for being an elf.

But I do not think my actions were wrong. I will go with you and someday prove this to the Elder and the others.

Good for you. When you do, make sure to ask him if he really thought the Kooluk would stop at killing the humans on the island or if he thinks there's any chance they'd find you subhuman scum a nuisance and wipe you out along with your bloody big tree once they were in full control of the island.

I imagine he'll sputter a lot and exile you again, but that's just me.

Let us go together.

Anyway I need cannon fodder so whatever. Just stay downwind.

Thank you for your consideration. Then, I shall be going on ahead.

And that's (thankfully) our last elf.




She's a slightly more physical Paula, or something. Also has two unites for whatever reason - one with Mitsuba and one with Axel and Izak.



Again, no explanation or anything, but we need to go to Nay next and of course we can't teleport, because that would be easy.



First of all, I'm going to check my inbox. This letter sounds oddly familiar somehow...



...

You know what, I'm just going to move on with my life.



Unfortunately, this involves returning to Na-Nal, because I still need to pick up the last crumbs before I leave forever. This guy is new.

Woman: P-Please take him as well! Come on, you know you want to ask him!

Eugene: B-But...

Woman: Quit dragging your feet!

Umm...

Woman: Please take my son, Eugene, and toughen him up! I have heard so much about you for so long...

Liar... You heard about him just now. Weren't you the one who, until just yesterday, was talking about leaving me to the Island Chief?

Woman: Oh, shut up! You're complicating matters here! You be quiet for a moment!

Y-Yes, ma'am...

Woman: This island's no place for a warrior like my son! Take him out and show him a real battle!

So, I'm a burden, huh? You're hoping that I'll die, right? That's why you're sending me into danger...

Woman: How can you say that? You're my precious only son! I want you to become a strong, respectable man who can protect others. Do this for me, okay, Eugene?



Woman: Well... please take good care of him. I will be going now. Go on, go on, Eugene! Don' you come back until you've become stronger! You hear me?!

Since she's a complete asshole just like everyone else on this forsaken island, the rabid bitch fucks off and leaves Lazlo with the poor kid.

Um... Will you... take me with you, too?

Well I can't just leave you here with all these assholes, can I?

Let's do our best together!

Umm... Thanks... Well, uh... I will go on ahead then...




He's a tanky spear user and comes with the game's only Firefly Rune (permanently) attached; this causes enemies to always target him when they use single target attacks. This would be kind of interesting if you wanted to use squishy mages who can't take physical hits, but at this point you're really powerful enough not to need that kind of protection, even if you're playing the game more or less normally.



Nay is up next.

I'm not overly fond of Nay either, but it's practically a paradise compared to the last place.


P-Please stop... Don't try to involve me in some strange commotion. I will have none of it. Unless you show me something that will prove the urgency of the situation, I will not help you.

I can respect that



but here's a thing.

Nay Village Chief: The Golden Seal... The King of Obel entrusted you with his powers? Entrusted YOU?

The hell do you mean by that, old man

Yes, let us join forces and fight!

Nay Village Chief: This village once thrived on trade. But nowadays, most of our youth go to other places such as Obel.

Maybe if you stopped obsessing over your beards for five fucking minutes you wouldn't be in that situation.

Nay Village Chief: But it is a good village. We also get along with the Nay-Kobold. Yes, this really is a nice, quiet village.
In theory, it would be an easy thing to cooperate with you people... But if this village were to be attacked because we supported you... What would you intend to do?



No choice to tell him we'd do our best to help them if they're in trouble, but only if they help us in return, and that since Kooluk already went and nuked one of the three islands in the area and killed a bunch of civilians on the second, this should make such an alliance rather tempting.

Nay Village Chief: You speak with such idealism... Somehow, I think it blinds you from reality... *sigh*
...
To ensure the safety of this village... I shall lend you this old man's aid... Please take any villagers willing to go.

However, we don't really need that dialogue option, because he suddenly decides he'll cooperate after all! Unfortunately, I've already done what he just told us.

One brief sweep through the place later...


I wished to keep it quiet, but the people of this island are not stupid. Everyone has already noticed them...
Come back a little later. There are some people who wish to accompany you. I will introduce you to them.



Can you guess what he means? You have one guess, and I don't care what it is.



Nay Village Chief: Yes, this is Mr. Lazlo of the masses. You two should go with him.

Wow. Two guys. I'm overwhelmed.

So, you're Mr. Lazlo... My name is Kevin.

I'm his wife, Pam. We used to run a tea and cake shop on Iluya.

Wait, did someone say cake?

But I'm sure you know... Iluya was attacked by the Kooluk, and nearly everyone else...

Because I'm all for cake.

Please, take us with you. Perhaps the only thing we can do for you is make cakes, but please!

Hell yea!



This day... might not be so horrible after all

Thank you very much. My wife and I will do our best. We will not get in your way.

Village Chief... Thank you very much for everything.

Nay Village Chief: Yes, yes, do not worry about me. Both of you, be careful. Your lives were saved once... Cherish them.




Kevin
Cooking - Finds Food Items after battle.


Pam
Cooking - Finds Food Items after battle.

Two characters, one function. This allows certain enemies to drop an additional item, which is, naturally, a consumable of some sort. It's more or less useless because most of these are shit, especially this late in the game, but they'll also do some other stuff back at the ship. All in all, this went much better than Na-Nal!



And now we're suddenly in Middleport again.

Man: It seems a girl named Millay is his favorite, so he's tracking down her whereabouts. Rumor is, she absolutely despises the idea and is running from them, as far away as possible. What a pity.

Seems like a sensible young lady to me! I'd run like hell if Reinbach II was after me, too. And yeah, if anyone wanted more evidence that Reinbach the older is a tremendous shitheel, well, here you go!



Sadly, we have to go back to Na-Nal to find her.

Millay: *pant* *pant* D-Don't come any closer!

what the hell are you wearing

Kidnapper: Be a good girl and come over here!! Master Reinbach's waiting!!

I have no intention of marrying into some... Rein-whatever household!!



Your bride-to-be, apparently. I take it no one consulted you on this matter?

If I have to marry someone I haven't even met... I may as well end it before it begins!!

Kidnapper: Hah, you're going to end what? If you're not going to budge, we'll come and drag you out.

Grr...

Come on, kick their sorry asses! I know you can do it!



...well, okay, fine, I'll do it, I need to vent some frustration anyway.

Kidnapper: Who the hell are you?! You think you can stop us? Gents... Get him!!

And then they attack us.



This goes about as well for them as we've come to expect.

If you'd like, you can come with us.

Won't you take me with you? I am tired of traveling alone...

Please wait... Before we go, you must know who I am. My name is Schtolteheim Reinbach III.



Just stay calm and hear me out. It seems as if my father took some liberties and troubled you greatly. I am deeply sorry for what my father has done. I sincerely hope that you will not worry about this any further...
Since I am one of Sir Lazlo's travel companions, I wanted to make sure you knew that ahead of time.

My, Reinbach is a proper gentleman.

I understand... You are not to blame for your father's actions... I shall come with you.

And so she does!




Millay is actually really damn good! Although her outfit leaves something to be desired, she's fast, accurate, strong and lucky, and her magic is good enough that we can expect three open rune slots by endgame. She also has threes in water and wind magic, so she should be reasonably effective with magical runes as well. Oh, and she has a unite with Rita and Viki, but I don't expect anyone really cares.

Her name is apparently supposed to be "Mirai".

Then, I shall go on ahead and wait for you at the ship.

That's our second to last recruit for today.



Before we can get to the last, we'll have to get our next target pointed out for us. Time to visit a place that kind of sort of matters! Maybe, a little.

...

Razril is currently occupied by Kooluk, but there is only a skeletal garrison stationed there. There is no sign of a serious ruler. The original governing lord has fled, and the Knights have virtually fallen apart. In other words, now is the time to go after them, when there is a vacancy of authority. If we eliminate the Kooluk presence from Razril, we'll be able to increase our power greatly.

I thought you said the knights had fallen apart, but eh.



Everyone on Razril, please be okay...

...but you'll have to wait to find out if they are, because first, I have to pick up the final optional recruit for this part, who appears only after this scene (but still before we actually invade Razril, for whatever reason).



Are you also a victim?

For this one, we need Mitsuba.

I-I'm the victim? Wh-What are you saying?!

I think I hit it right on the head, by the sounds of it...

Wait, wait... Sir Lazlo, isn't that a little mean of you?

Hey, I didn't scam this poor guy out of his money.

Y-You?! I've found you at last! Now, let's settle it this time!!

Oh, you're that sucker from before! Hahahahahaha!!

"Isn't that a bit mean?" she says.

I'm sorry... but I quit doing that. Now, I'm in the middle of an adventure with Sir Lazlo and the others. I know! If you want, come with us! Hahahahaha!! You must be lonely without anyone to fight, right? Come on!

...Mitsuba, ladies and gentlemen.

W-What does she...?!

Here, I'll translate.

Come with us.

"YOU GO BIG BOAT"

All right... It's too bad we can't settle this, but I'll show you the true power of the Flowing Strike Sword!

Hahaha... hope we get along.






Jeremy is a bit stronger and more durable than Millay, but he's worse at pretty much everything else.

I will be on my way then.

You do that!



No one seems to care much that the Kooluk invaded. They just whine a lot about how I took away the hot chick.

I hope like hell it's the last time I have to put up with this place.