Part 8: How A Child's Toy Brought Down Jumpman

How A Child's Toy Brought Down Jumpman


As they entered the path to Rose Town, they noticed a bunch of elevated platforms over the remnants of the fading sewage river.

Mario and Mallow found strange and possibly mutated creatures along the way including


Starslaps: Horny dry-humping stars. That's all you need to know.


Snapdragons: Well, they don't snap, and they're not dragons. Draw your own conclusions.


s : The Phantom of the Opera armed with a slingshot.


Crooks: Okay. This guy is pretty self-explanatory. Probably one of the most aptly (but least creatively) named enemies in the game.


and Arachnes: A spider with 3 eyes and 6 legs. "Mastajake, don't all arachnids have 8 legs?" Yes. Yes they do. Good job with this guy, Team Mario.


While being riddled with insects that greatly resembled/had names derived from spiders, Mario still managed to find a single treasure chest in the area. All that for a measley Frog Coin? The hammer was easier to get than this.

The path had been long and tiring (not really, but it makes for a better narrative), and they finally reached the last........room.




Is is just me, or has Bowser's army drastically diminished?
Mallow: And come on. Groundling Goombas? Groundling's a noun, you idiot!
It's pretty sad when Mr. "I'm not a tadpole" over here calls you an idiot.




As they headed in to Rose Town, they saw an arrow flung from the sky onto a guy's head, paralyzing him.


Okay, I'm pretty sure you couldn't talk if any of your muscles couldn't move.



Decided to hold off on the whole rescuing thing for a while, Mario went exploring, and did the thing he does best (well, besides jumping and being a douche): he went down a pipe (er...chimney), and found a treasure chest.


Since they were already in the store, they went ahead and bought bulky new armor. Is it just me, or did it just get really hot in here?


Wandering around a little more, they found a path seemingly going to nowhere. foreshadowing....


They also found a guy who needed some help.
Sure, but you'll have to tell us where to find treasure in the Lost Woods, I mean Forest Maze.
Guy: Okay, okay.


Heh heh. Don't mind if I do.


There you go, man. Magical stairs are as good as new.
Guy: Thank you so much! Now, let me go check on the treasure in there real quick.


Why exactly would you have treasure in your house that even you couldn't reach?
Guy: Umm......well.....they were there when I moved in......but still: it's kinda rude to jack stuff from someone else's house.
Don't really care, dude. Now: the directions.


Aight. Cya around, chump.

Mario was getting pretty tired, but before he found somewhere to doze off, he went a-searching for hidden treasure.



Numbers 5 & 6

After that tiring work, they headed off to the inn.


The little kid there doubted his Mario-itude, and demanded a jumping test, which he, of course, passed with flying colors (red and blue, to be exact, since that's what he was wearing).


The kid wanted to play dolls with him, so he figured he might as well. It's not like he had anything important to do, like obtaining all the star pieces and rescuing the princess.

So your mom's pretty hot.
Gaz: Dude, she's standing right there.
I'd do the nasty with her twice over.
Gaz: Uncool, man. It's time you had a taste of


*SHABLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
Is that it? All you did was make the *SHABLAM* sound.
Gaz: We run an inn. I sometimes sleep on the floor down here. We're not exactly rich enough to afford cool toys.
Hm. Well, I'm hittin' the sack. Care to join me, chica?
Gaz's Mom: Let me change into something a little more comfortable

LATER THAT NIGHT




THAT MORNING

Gaz: Ma, Geno's gone!
He might have gotten lost upstairs. We had a little fun with those toys last night
Mallow: I wouldn't count on any of them being the same ever again.
Gaz:
Well, we better get goin. Check you later, guys.


Aaaaaaaaaand they headed off to the Forest Maze.

Next up, we have Cupid's Aneurism for our 9th installment.