Part 2: Midnight Rescue pt 1

Let's rock this bitch. I'll fukken teach you to try and paint away my varsity trophies and perfect grades, nerd.



...but before I engage in mass destruction of school property, breaking and entering, and murder, I had better sign in at the school logbook just in case anyone needs a record!







These messages are why my generation is so lazy. That's right, hints in video games have ruined America forever. Just try and prove me wrong.
Also, we slipped up and got to the school early so we have to wait for the robots to begin their plan of mass ...obstruction? No, no. That doesn't work because they're trying to make the school transparent. Whatever, ROBOTS AT WORK



Here we are, outside the drama room. Maybe we'll be lucky and Morty will already have slit his wrists with the knives left over from last year's production of West Side Story.



Allow me to give you the full experience of what it feels like to walk into a door in Super Solver's Outnumbered.



Allow me to give you the experience of what it looks like to be a freaky headless hi-toppin' hawaiian boxer-wearing FREAK... in a slightly awkward pose.
Also, see that blue placard on the bookshelf? Guess how dumb Morty is. No, really, guess.



Welcome to 1961. Welcome to... The futwait what? I guess this entry was written before Morty was bo


Alright, super sweet. This game takes place in 1961 and this chick is listening to Morty get it on with freaky forces of nature. "Magic" club? Yeah, sure, that's some real Harry Potter shit goin' on righ


Sometimes I just have the urge to post Harry Potter slash. Before you ask, yes, it is a mixed blessing.




In all seriousness, this journal entry kind of freaks me out. We're in 1961, Morty has a Magic Club (are there other people in this club? Does he have friends? Acquaintances? Business partners?) and apparently he's messing around with some Dark Art shit. What the fuck, I thought his huge evil plan involved painting a school invisible, not summoning the evil abominations of the night. And what do you think he did when this chick confronted him about the unspeakable evils conjuring in her back yard? Apologize and make her a batch of cookies? Or, I don't know, summon the depths of hell to remove the only living witness!
I think Morty might be a little bit more dangerous than he likes to let on.



So here's the 'gameplay': You read shit in every room in the school, then answer questions to ensure you aren't just skipping ahead. Yes, Morty freely gives out the instruments of his own demise. Yes, he is very clearly the worst villain in the world. Also, this is Morty's mom's diary. Why would he have access to her private writings? The only logical conclusion I can come up with is that she's already dead.



The word was "howling" Morty, you unsufferably illiterate jackass. That noise she heard was howling. Also now we have our clue! It is the word howl--goddamnit, it's the word "magical". That was a contextual question and I find it very unfair that you would demand such a thing from me on my first playthrough! What if I was 5 years old, Morty Maxwell. What if I was five and going to lose because of you!



Welp, time to continue exploring this lonely, abandoned building late at night. Good thing there's no one el


OH WHAT THE FU--- what the fuck is THAT supposed to be? I took a picture of it with my camera just in case Robots pop out randomly when you're wandering the halls, and they throw shit at you if you don't get them with your flash quick enough. And each flash consumes film, in case you are actually 5 and could not figure that out.



Another room, another placard. This is the pathetic excuse for a library at Shady Glen High. All of the books are just about Shoggoth and the fall of the Ancient Ones. I have no idea why Morty is back here so much, because he sure isn't gettin' any in the stacks.



Okay what the hell. An instruction manual on how to have a party? Morty is so inept sometim


HE HAS THE SKELETON OF HIS MOTHER IN THE FUCKING CLOSET.


The correct answer was "paste", but Morty's eyes are going straight for the nails. Tell me I'm wrong.
(Yes I skipped a page of the reading. Are you actually upset about that? Would you like to cry? Why don't you play in an abandoned school building in the middle of the night about it, you fuckin puss.)



Nobody emptied the garbage cans after class let out tonight Just because it's invisible doesn't mean it won't smell later on!



I went up the stairs and walked into the wall, which made me slip and fall pretty hard. That's right, walking into a wall makes you slip and lose time. I am not making this shit up. Also it looks like someone did their book report on "Fire". (Obscure Indian movie joke about lesbians) (yes half of these jokes are purely for my own benefit)



Art room. That's some ugly ass ears on that dude. Super Solver is jealous, because he has no ears. Why do you think all the puzzles are based on reading and not hearing? There's a guitar and a piano right there, but will we have to learn a musical sequence to proceed? No. We have to read. (I'm glad this school district has decided music is an art, but the senior citizen voting block cut funding to the point where music and art has to be in the same room )



Fukken clowns.



In 1961, robots press buttons on their chest to propel themselves forward. This is Turbo and his leg is an aeresol spray. In 30 years when environmentalism comes into play, Turbo will kill himself out of guilt. By drowning. Ironically enough, this will pollute the water supply of the Hudson River for the next 50 years and cause irreperable damage. It will also be blamed on GE.



I used the berries to get him to pose, and then I played a song for him on my flute! Then he disappeared in a puff of smoke once he saw the flash.



In 1961 student projects are completely fucking retarded. I never got an A+ or a display in the hall for my pixelated stick figure drawings!



AMBUSH
He threw a pie at me and it made me fall down This made the clock advance by like 5 minutes!



I forgot what classroom this is, but who the fuck cares about puppets.



I thought the Howdy Doody reference was a bit... special. And copyright infringing. We're lucky no lawyers played this game. (You think this is fair use? Well you're fucking wrong. You know nothing about fair use. Go back to downloading your Naruto .avis, you open-sourcing lardass.)



Morty confuses the fuck out of me. He encourages us when we get new clues, and taunts us when we get duplicate ones. Morty, I know my only purpose in life is to thwart you, but honestly. You might want to take some time to evaluate your feelings, and think about where you're going in life.

Actually, I'm going to go think about what I'm doing with MY life.