Part 21: Gizmos and Gadgets pt 1

Thought I'd take the day off, do some birdwatching.

But I caught a glimpse of something I'd rather not see.



He's just walking into that building. Does he own that building? I don't see any giant smoke stacks belching smoke shaped into the runes of the Necromonicon, so I have to assume no. Morty has turned squatter.



Who's that badass with the knee pads and a backwards red baseball cap? Oh yeah. That's me. Big bad Bazooka Tooth, and I'm here to break bread.



I figure this is Shady Glen, and Morty's doing something illegal. I can either wait fourty minutes for an urgent phone call from the Mayor's new secretary, who will inevitably call me "Mr. Solver" (that's the name of the ORGANIZATION, not MY name) and bumble around for another ten minutes explaining things, or I can be proactive.



It's time to be proactive.



The computer ranked names alphabetically, and I wanted to be at the top of the list. I was operating under an alias, after all, so I went straight for the second word in the dictionary.

Telegram from the Mayor's office!
"Super Solver! (NOT MY NAME)
Morty Maxwell, the Master of Mischief, has moved into the Shady Glen Technology Center and has taken over as the Head Scientist! Now I KNOW he ain't qualified for that shit.
Your job is to accept Morty's challenge and prove you are a better scientist than he is. Morty has locked the doors in the warehouse with science puzzles. Show him how much you know about science by solving the puzzles.
Then go through the doors, find the best vehicle parts, and build faster vehicles than Morty!"

This furthers my theory that Morty doesn't have anyone to play with, and also is incapable of showing affection towards others. It also furthers everyone else's theory that Morty has a giant man-crush on me.



Alright, first up. Wait, wait. Hold up, before we get started... Does anyone have a watch?



The only difference between a zeppelin and a blimp is that the zeppelin's envelope is held rigid, whereas the blimp's shape is supported by the gas inside of it. So you can just pretend that the envelope is rigid and it's Zeppelin time!



This is the warehouse. It looks... remarkably like a warehouse. The yellow boxes are parts, the blue round thing is one of Morty's chimps, and I'm down by that green tube that sucks me into the workshop where I build my shit. The air vents knock you up a level.



You can see the parts I've got in the bottom of the screen - the red counter tells me how many other parts I need to make a complete vehicle, and you can see I can only hold two of each part type. Most parts vary greatly in quality, and I need the best quality parts to win the race against Morty.



And these are the puzzles I have to solve - in this case, I have to assemble a simple machine from puzzle parts. When you get two interlocking parts together, they snap together so you know they belong together.



And when you get it all together, it gets colored in a very systematic way that certainly does not mean anything and you should pay no attention to it!



Or I might have to assemble a simple circuit with a battery, light, and wire.



Or arrange magnets in a pattern.



Doors from the warehouse lead to these rooms, where suddenly everything is much bigger. It's pretty cool! And you should take note of what patterned doors lead to lots of parts, because they do correspond and you do need to get those parts!



Anyway, here's what we got so far. This gondola is inside the envelope, which creates no drag at all.



This engine goes behind the gondola for maximum speed and efficiency



Well this envelope has a weight problem. Which, despite what the fat people and corn lobbies have to say, is actually a huge (hurr) problem. This will create a lot of drag... But all of our other parts are top quality, so let's give it a shot!



HAHAHah did you think I would actually race without paint and decals? What a bunch of suckers! It's time to float like a butterfly and sting like a retarded cliche sports metaphor that is a holdover from a man who renamed himself in a sign of strength from his religion. And won. Much to the white folk's upset.



It's so close! So... close!



Hahaahaha not close enough for our fat ass. Time to kick the ground in shame and head back to the workshop.



ONE MORE TIME (de de de de de de dede, do de de de de de de dede) (Remix by Kanye West)



If we had an exhaust pipe, I would tell you to eat it, Morty. I would tell you to eat our exhaust, and the pipe that expelled it. Also it's annoying that no matter how you build your vehicle, no details appear except for the paint color on the race screen.



I got a trophy and promotion to Assistant!

NEXT TIME:


Planes, trains, and automobiles (just planes, actually. There are no trains in this game and you suckers voted for the automobiles last.)