Part 56: Sidequest Hell III: The Revenge (Part 2)

Time for part two of our epic sidequest spree. Also it occurs to me that I totally forgot to link the music for both Mushroom Road last update, and the Part three world map music. I've edited both in, but just for sake of exposure I've linked them here, too:

Music: Mushroom Road
Music: The Last Chapter

Right, we're off to Grand Chokmah.



: “You two know each other?”

: “Mmm, yes...”

: “I'm the Colonel's apprentice, Casim!”

: “I don't recall making you my apprentice.”

: “Don't say that! Please! Teach me the secret of your fonic sight! It's been declared a forbidden text, so I can't even read it in the library.”

: “Fonic sight? What's that?”

: “It's the fonic arte that the Colonel has applied to his eyes. The eyes are the greatest fon slot in the human body, so infusing a fonic arte there allows a person to gather fonons at three times the normal rate.”

: “I see. Then the strength of that person's fonic artes would greatly increase as well.”

: “But doesn't that only work because the Colonel is someone who can handle it? Not many people can control all six fonons with just their own power.”

: “Yes. Different people have different strong points. If someone who can hardly even use fonic artes were to apply fonic sight, he would certainly die. Especially you, Casim. Don't even think about it.”

: “...All right! If you're going to be that stubborn about it, I'll apply fonic sight on my own!”

And he runs off.

: “Was it all right to let him go? I'm worried he may do something rash.”

: “Even if he does, it will be his own fault. It's not my concern.”

: “I guess I should be used to it by now, but you never sound concerned about anything...”

Jade has groupies.

Since we're on the topic of fonic sight, let's detour to Sheridan real quick.



: “May I help you?”

: “My fonon scanning device is reacting to your glasses. Would you mind letting me see them for a moment?”

: “Not at all. Here you go.”



: “...? What is it?”

: “I've always though the Colonel looked young for his age, but when he takes his glasses off, he looks even younger... actually, he looks really...”

: “Yes... he has a very beautiful face.”

: “Really? I always thought I had a beautiful face even with my glasses on.”

: “Oh, jeez... you are seriously obnoxious.”

: “Are you done with my glasses yet?”

: “Oh, y-yes! I'm sorry. I see those glasses have a fonon-regulating effect.”

: “You mean... those glasses are fontech?! Wow... I wish I had some...”

: “I'm afraid you can't have mine. I have a somewhat special arte applied to my eyes. Without these glasses, the fonic arte has the potential to go out of control.”

: “What, so you don't have bad eyesight?”

: “You can't become a soldier with poor eyesight. My eyes are both 20/10.”

: “Wow! That's 40/20 all together!”

And now Jade has even more groupies.

Back to Grand Chokmah.







: “My companions are chasing the thief. Are you okay?”

: “I'm fine-- ow!”

: “Oh no. I bet you've got a sprain.”

: “What are we going to do? Both our healers ran off...”

: “Oh dear... my break time is almost oever. If I'm late, I'll be scolded again.”

: “Th-that's not good. Um...”

: “Guy, carry her on your back.”

: “What?! But... I...”

: “I know about your condition, but she's in trouble.”

: “Carrying you on my back would be too much trouble for me, but...” ...You can do this, Guy. You saved Anise that time, remember?



: “Y-you did it! You really did it!!”

: “Hah... hah hah...”



: “Here's your purse.”

: “Thank you.”

: “Do you mind if we turn this man over to the police?”

: “Please do. Thank you for everything!”

: “...Please let me go.”

: “That will not do.”

: “Please! Our jobs ain't been going well lately, and it's hard to keep our people fed.”

: “Then you should work.”

: “Asch is pushing us real hard and we ain't been able to put on no circus performances. If things stay like this...”

: “...Say, guys, let's let him go this time.”

: “Guy! What are you saying?!”

: “You saw, didn't you? I was able to carry her all the way to the castle. I don't think I could have done that if this hadn't happened... And we're involved in what Asch is doing, too.”

: “You're soft, Guy.”

: “But if they arrest this guy, that'll make things hard on Asch...”

: “...W-well, that's true..”

: “...All right. We'll let you go.”

: “Thanks.”

: “I'm embarrassed, but I won't forget this debt. I'll pay you back someday!”

He's right about that. In fact, let's go collect on that debt right away. So to Port Keterburg. Why? Because this game, that's why.



: “Why'd you bring that up?”

: “Ah, I was just wondering what you'd do if a girl were drowning.”

: “My! That's a good question. Can you be certified if you're unable to handle that?”

: “Ah... actually, I'm okay in times like that. It seems I think about the fact they need help before I worry about their sex.”

: “I think I understand. It's your duty.”

: “Hah hah, that sounds like you, Tear.”

: “Hmm... then I think it should be possible for him to completely overcome it.”

: “Overcome my phobia, you mean?”

: “Yeah, I think so too! That time with me, and again with the maid – when you're rescuing people, you're left with no choice, right?”

: “In other words, we must completely seal off any path of retreat.”

: “Um... wait...”



: “The Dark Wings!”

: “I heard you helped out Urushi. I was thinking of how to thank you, and after hearing what you said just now, I've got a great idea.”

: “Wh-what is it...?”

: “Work at the bar in Chesedonia. While they aren't many, there are women among the staff and customers. We have connections with that bar, so we'll go ahead and tell them to expect you.”

: “Hmm... yes, at a bar, I'd expect many of the women will be used to handling men. It should be a stimulating experience for Guy.”

: “Wait a minute! Nobody's letting me say anything!”

: “Okay, it's settled then!”

: “We accept your offer, Noir.”

: “All right. Head to Chesedonia when you have the chance.”

: “I have a bad feeling about this...”

Let's go!



: “Apprentice bartender?!”

: “We heard from Noir. Don't slack off now.”



: “What's your name?”

: “G-Guy...”

: “Hee hee... are you nervous?”

: “That's so cute!”



: “...He's their toy.”

: “I hope he's all right.”

: “This isn't going to be easy for him.”

: “My, this IS amusing.”

This game.



Guy finally gets himself a costume title, which happens to be a swank as hell suit. Not too shabby.

Okay, back to Grand Chokmah for the final two quests. Both of them also involve Peony. Yes, I saved the best for last.

First of all, Peony has one of the catalyst weapons we want. I'd also like to point out this is the only voiced scene this update, and my god is it worth it.

Peony & The Catalyst



: “We'll save Your Majesty's rappigs for another time. Guy, if you would explain?”

: “Me?! Why do I always have to explain things?!”

One fade to black later...

: “Professor Nebilim, huh... My dad was still on the throne them, so I don't know much about it. Anyway, I'll get the intelligence division to submit the information. I'll have it sent to your office, Jade.”

: “Um... do you hear something?”

: “Yes... this sounds like fonon interference.”

: “Now that you mention it...”

: “It's the first and sixth fonons!”

: “That's odd. It's coming from somewhere in this room...”

: “Maybe it's a fonon bomb!”

: “Hey, that's not funny.”

: “Come on, let's look for it!”





: “It looks like it's reacting to that shadow sword we have. Tear, would you use a fonic seal on it?”

: “What is this sword, Your Majesty?”

: “Old McGovern left it behind when he retired from the army. I collect weapons, so he left it here for me.”

: “Jade, do you think this is one of the planetary fonic arte catalysts?”

: “I presume so. But to call this mess a collection...”

: “Did you say something?”

: “Not at all. Incidentally, would it be possible to borrow this sword?”

: “Hmm... I suppose that if those three cute girls begged a little.”

: “That's a fine case of sexual harassment!”

: “Okay, then you guys do it too. Go ahead, Luke.”



: “Next.”



: “Next.”



: “Ha, great, great! Just wait until you're six years older, and I'll date you anytime!”

: “Whoa... he sure changed fast.”



: “Oh, that icy smile... yeah!”





: “Oh, that hint of naivete! Yes!”

: “Your Majesty-”

: “Shut up. Don't beg. I'll puke.”

: “Now, now, Your Majesty.”



: “No! Leave!”

: “How unfortunate. We'll be taking the sword then.”



Goddamn it Peony, why can't you be in my party?

At any rate, now for the final sidequest: let's do Peony a little favor, eh?



: “Rappigs?”

: “We havne't seen any.”

: “Oh, no! What am I going to do? Gelda! Saphir!”



: “...We haven't said anything about taking on any mission.”

: “Details! Who needs 'em! More importantly, my precious rappigs have run away! They should still be inside the castle somewhere. Think you could look for them?”

: “Your Majesty, we did not come here to search for rappigs.”

: “What? Then I ask you this: what do you intend to do if my cute little Jade falls down the stairs and breaks his neck? How will you take responsibility if my cute little Jade is roasted in the kitchen?”

: “...That's extremely disturbing. Please stop saying that.”

: “Don't worry. You're the non-cute Jade. My cute little Jade isn't good at learning tricks, but his fur is so shiny and-”

: “We'll search for them. We'll search for them, so please, please stop.”

: “I'm glad you've come to see it my way. There are five rappigs: Nephry, Jade, Saphir, Aslan, and Gelda. If you find them, I'll reward you. Thanks!”

Seriously! Get this guy some more screen time!



: “...My apologies. I was unable to take any further humiliation.”

: “Emperor Peony really has your number, huh, Jade? Has he got blackmail material on you or something?”

: “If Jade has any weaknesses, I'd like to know what they are. I have to admire His Majesty.”

: “At any rate, now that we've taken on the job, we've got to look for them.”

: “Yeah, let's get rewarded with that prize!”



Oh Peony.



: “For being named after Jade, he was pretty easy to find.”

: …



: “And that's why he named it Aslan? His Majesty doesn't spend much time on names, does he...”



: “Did you say something?”

: “...No, it's nothing.”



: “But it looks like this one has the fanciest collar.”

: “...I'm not sure I like that, either.”



: “Dist the Reaper's real name.”

: “That stupid look on it's face is remarkably similar.”

That's all of em, baby!



: “It's sure a sight with this many rappigs together in one place...”

: They're so cute...

: “Your Majesty, about that reward...”

: “Oh right, allow me to give you this. It's a pass to the Megalofrederica Spa in Keterburg.”

: “Whoa! Megalofrederica Spa is a high-class, members-only spa for nobles! It costs 100,000 gald just to join!”

: “That sounds lovely. I've heard of it before. I'm sure the baths there are far superior to those at the castle.”

: “I can't imagine what a spa is like...”

: “...For some reason, I'm not very happy about this reward.”

: “Yeah, it's usually only ladies who'd have an interest in spas.”

: “Really? I quite like them, myself. I'm pleased you do occasionally give out thoughtful gifts, Your Majesty.”

: “Right now it's under remodeling, but go try it out once they reopen.”

Because it wouldn't be a Tales game without a hot springs sidequest. Also what Peony said was a lie, we can go there right now. And we will, but first speaking of thoughtful gifts...



Before we get into this hilarity, let me discuss the trigger for this event. That being that nobody knows exactly what triggers this scene to be available. I've gotten it as far back as Part II, and in other games it refused to unlock until I was five steps from the final boss. So I have no clue.

: “From His Majesty? If he's not giving it to us directly, that must mean...”

: “Aw, who cares? If he's giving us something, let's be grateful and take it!”

: “It would be rude to reject an offer of kindness.”

: “I bet a present from Emperor Peony must be something really luxurious!”

: “Um... well...”

: “Hah hah, there's no need for you to worry about it. It's the thought that counts.”

: “Then, here you are...”

: “It's some sort of clothing.”

: “Clothes, huh? I guess I'll try them on.”



I fucking love you, Peony.

: “It's the outfit from “Abyss Man”, His Majesty's favorite superhero show...”

: “They're characters from a series of children's plays. 'Emissaries of Justice.'”

: “He went to the trouble of preparing one for all of us...”

: “It appears there's one leftover. Whose is that?”

: “It looks like it's for Asch. See? It's got his name on the collar.”

Yes, if you do this before you go to Mushroom Road, you can dress Asch in the power ranger outfit.

At any rate. Let's hit the showers. Or spa. Whatever.

Skit: The Emperor's Ideal Woman

: “Those sure are some weird names the Emperor gave his rappigs.”

: “Yeah, really. Jade, Saphir, Nephry...”

: “He even used MY name...”

: “He certainly does cause problems. There's nothing wrong with nostalgia for one's childhood, but...”

: “...Hey, didn't Nephry look pretty?”

: “Now that you mention it, yes, she did. Her fur was quite beautiful.”

: “Nephry was the Emperor's first love.”

: : : : “Huh?!”

: “The Emperor still won't marry because he can't forget about her. I have no idea what he intends to do about a successor...”

: “So the Emperor likes smart, pretty girls with glasses... time to go buy some capacity core specs!”

: “Still not over marrying into wealth, huh?”

So yeah, that's about how much the whole Nephry/Peony relationship is discussed in the game proper.



: “His Majesty gave us swimsuits for you to wear at the spa. We'll place them in the changing rooms, so please make use of them.”

: “You wear swimsuits at a spa, huh?”

: “Emperor Peony even got swimsuits for us! He's so nice!”

: “...His motive is obvious.”

: “Hah hah. Aw, come on, now.”

: “Let's go!”

Yeah, Peony is seriously the source of close to half the costumes in the game. And I wouldn't have it any other way.



: “What? There was a towel, so I used it. You got a problem with that?”

: “Your fashion sense really sucks sometimes.”



: “Yay! Guy complimented me! Luke could learn a thing or two from you.”

: “Gee, sorry. Wow, you're so cute Anise. I thought for sure you were someone's lost child.”

: “Stop treating me like a kid!”



: “Well! I don't need to hear that from you. And besides, Emperor Peony is the one who chose this.”

: “Hah hah. Don't worry about what Luke says. You have an alluring charm, so a swimsuit like that is perfect for you.”

: “My, you always know just what to say. Yours suits you well, too, Guy.”

: “This is a sea-rescue swimsuit. His Majesty must have remembered my specialty.”



: “It was too daring... I didn't have the courage to wear it... so I rented this spa swimsuit.”

: : What kind of swimsuit was it...



: “Huh? How come you're wearing a bathrobe, Colonel?”

: “You all were taking so long, I went ahead and enjoyed the spa by myself. I'm going to take a break now.”

: “That was fast! And, man, that outfit...”

: “Hmm?”

: “It suits you so perfectly, I can't even think of anything to say.”

With that, everybody gets their obligatory swimsuit costumes. However, we're not done yet! If you go back in the spa, we can get another obligatory Tales event.



: “What the hell? Luke, that's just a phobia because of what happened with my sister. I like women just fine, and I like seeing them in swimsuits.”



: “Good idea! Try this, Guy!”



: “Uaaah!”

: *Shriek* “G-get your hands away from there!”

: “Stop! Don't touch me!!”

: “You're the one who's touching us!”

: “Ach! Guy, hey!”

: !!



: “It wasn't me! Luke kicked me in here, and Jade...”

: “I don't see Luke or the Colonel anywhere.”

: “...Those bastards...”

: “...Well, I can't imagine Guy of all people faking an accident because he wanted to touch our breasts.”

: “I suppose that's true.”

: “So you felt both of them up, huh?”

: “I... I'm sorry.”

: “Well, who was bigger?”

: “What? Uh, T-Tear, I guess.”

: : “Guy!”

: “Oh, uh... well, she asked...”

: “Hmm, yeah, I figured Tear had to have the biggest out of this group.”

: “Enough about that.”

: “And there's no way I could win.”

: “Hah hah, well, yeah, you don't have any at all, Anise.”

: “Guy, you're horrible!”

: “I thought you were a gentleman, but now I see I was wrong.”

: “Humph! You big perv!”

: “I've got to learn to keep my mouth shut.”



Or as it was called in the Japanese version, “Peeping Tom.” This is more or less bog standard for Tales games, but the whole scene was just so painfully anime that it hurt to transcribe.

In any case, we are finally done with sidequests for now. Dear god.

Next Time: The game punches us in the gut.

No Synopsis