Part 73: Set the Bait

[BGM: Silence]


You're welcome, by the way.

I don't recall thanking you?

Well you should! You're freaking out over there, but I'm the person who had to stab the old dude!

...You're right. If it's this bad for me, it must be traumatizing for you.

Not really.

Huh?

[BGM: Lucky Foot]


I mean, as an action hero, I've gunned down countless enemies of questionable morality. My fictional kill count must be in the hundreds at this point.

When you think about it, this is also a 'play' of sorts. An act. So this is no different from any of those past kills!

Really?

Well, that's what I'm telling myself. I fear if I think about it any more than that, I might break down- which would totally kill the 'bad boy' image I've been cultivating, so I won't.

That's, uh, that's fair. Anyways. With this, I've killed a person.

Nuh uh!

You've killed half a person.

...Dare I ask?

Think about it. If you've killed two people, then your kill count would be 2. If you kill one person, the kill count would be 1.



However, if two people kill one person, each of them has a kill count of 0.5. After all, just like 2/1 equals 2, or how 1/1 equals 1, 1/2 equals one half.

...Rooster, that might be the dumbest goddamn thing you've said all day.

Are you serious? I'm making complete sense right now!

Think about it. Snake has died once, right? Now you're not going to argue that just because you didn't physically do the murder, you're less culpable for it than me, are you?

N-no, that wouldn't be fair.

Right! So we both did some amount of murdering. And Snake has died. The only way the math works out is if we only killed half of him each. Otherwise, you'd be saying 1 + 1 = 1!

...



Anyways, don't we have more steps in your 'plan' or whatever?

Right, right. For now, move Snake's body into the closet. Then wipe away the blood on the floor with napkins. You won't be able to wipe all of it away, but that's intentional.

On it, chief.

Rooster got to work on that task. In the meantime, I just sort of looked around. Just then, I noticed that some blood splatter got on the side of my jeans. Shit! Shit. Fuck. It was only step one, and already I was getting incriminating evidence stacked against me. ...Well, I needed to do something about the situation.



That's right, for this first murder we have to actually successfully hide any evidence that we could've been involved! There's multiple steps to this, and it'd be hard to get the thread to vote on each step in a meaningful way due to how the success or failure is tallied (more on that in the bonus update!), so we'll be making all the correct options as far as the LP itself goes. That being said, I DID still run a poll to see how many people successfully got away with the murder, so I'll be noting what the thread's results were.

As for this first part, the best course of action (that only 13.2% voted for) is...

Surely nobody had been paying that much attention to me, right? It was totally natural for somebody to have the bottom of their pant leg rolled up a bit. This was highly risky – if someone ever noticed this and asked me to roll the leg down, I'd be totally screwed. ...But there was no way that would happen. If it did, I probably would've already been under a fatal amount of suspicion. So I rolled up my pant leg, and prayed.

Over by the closet, Rooster had finished his task.



Okay, now what?

Now, I'm gonna need you to strip Snake.

What?!

Mouse, you dirty bird.

This is the plan, I swear.

The plan involves you perving on a corpse? I mean, I get it, no judgment, everyone's got their thing, but-

This is not “my thing”. And if it was, there should be some judgment!



Look, here's what I'm thinking for the plan. We kill somebody a bit further down the hallway. Next, you go to a nearby classroom. You “witness” Snake walking by the classroom, and later discover the body.

But we just killed Snake!

...You'd be lying.

Oh, right, I knew that. ...Also, could we call it 'acting'?

Sure, fine, yes, okay, I guess, if you must. You'd 'act' like you saw Snake, and you mention he was wearing his rubber Snake mask. You know, the one we all woke up with?

But then, we find Snake's body in this room. At first, it doesn't make sense. But, we find Snake's clothes and his mask discarded nearby – say, this room. Now, seeing this, what would they assume?

Uh...

...I don't know why I'm asking you this.



The assumption would be somebody killed Snake, then dressed up as him on purpose to try to frame him. That'll put suspicion on the people who could pull off a Snake disguise – Bunny and Dog primarily, though I imagine a few other suspects might be floated.

Oh, okay.

But wait, couldn't I also dress like Snake? Wouldn't I also be a suspect?

No, because you couldn't see yourself.

But what if they think I'm lying?

If they 'solve' the disguise mystery, they won't even think twice about your possible guilt. So long as them finding Snake and his clothes is natural enough, the idea that you planted evidence to corroborate a story of you being lied to wouldn't even enter their heads.

In their eyes, you'd be the mark, not the scammer.

I see, I see.



Understanding, Rooster began to strip Snake down.

...You can leave the underwear on, by the way.

I know. I'm not a pervert. I'm not you.

Rooster!

I kid. I actually now get why we're doing this. After all, every good lie stems from the truth. The trick is to tell the truth for 90% of it, and then tweak a bit right at the end.

...Rooster, you realize we're doing this to create evidence, not to help us lie better, right?

Oh, I know.

… Anyways, I suppose the next natural question would be where to hide Snake's clothes...



The best action for this one (which 67.3% voted for) is...

We need something that they're likely to find, but something that would be a good hiding spot for a rushed killer.

I guess a closet drawer works well enough, right? I mean, if I was the killer, that'd probably be good enough in a pinch.

Sounds good to me. Here, his clothes and his mask.

Rooster handed a bundle to me.

You can give me the kitchen knife as well. They would've discarded the weapon here, likely.

Alright.

He also handed over the bloody knife. I took the bundle, and stuffed it in a random drawer in the desk.

That should do it.

Excellent!



Crime scene successfully forged. Next up is Victim Number Two.

Grab some random heavy statue to use as the murder weapon.

On it.

Rooster looked around and found a suitable weapon.

Head down the hallway – I saw a staircase which led to a side exit just a bit further down. I'll look for somebody else and lure them over there. ...And you handle the bloody business once more.

On it. I'll be waiting in ambush.

Godspeed.

...Feels wrong to say that in this context, but the sentiment is appreciated.

[BGM: Silence]


With that, we split up. I wandered the first floor in search for a suitable patsy. And soon enough, I found just the target: Sheep. Poor Sheep. She seemed so innocent. Operative word – seemed. Everyone was brought here for a reason. Still, I couldn't help but feel the fire of guilt grow in intensity for lying to her.

...She was awfully gullible. Getting her to follow me to the designated spot took almost no effort at all. I lured her there, and right as we got near the staircase?

*thud!*

Once again, Rooster didn't hesitate to carry the deed out. With one solid swing, Sheep hit the floor. I didn't watch, but it was pretty obvious what had happened.

[BGM: Lamb to the Slaughter]


Ugh. That felt dirty.

It had to be done.

Oh, I know. But I didn't like that one bit. Killing an old creep like Snake? I can work with that. Killing a pure soul like Sheep? That's, like, a month of nightmares at least.

She's not a 'pure soul'.

Oh, but she was – I could see it in her eyes, and her beautiful hair.

Okay dude, whatever you say. Please don't turn into a creep on me.

What's creepy about giving a girl some compliments?

Giving a girl you just murdered compliments?

I see your point. Praise withdrawn.



Anyways, we're now at one kill each, so that's something.

We're not going back to that. We need to focus on preparing the next steps.

What else is there to do?

Well, we need to decide some things. First of all, just to be clear, you know your story, right?

Yeah yeah, I know it. I've got it.

What's the story?

I'm searching through this classroom, finding, like, a Trinket a second, whe-

Please leave out the brags, they're just going to invite suspicion.

Okay, jeez.



I'm doing 'average' at searching in a classroom when I see Snake walk by.

You see Snake?

Yeah, that was the story, right?

Are you sure it's Snake?

Hell yeah I'm sure!

No, you're not. He's wearing his mask, right?

Oh right. I should mention that.

Honestly? Forgetting for a second would probably be in-character. Just remember to say it at some point.

Right.



I'm thinking about getting you a witness, to make it seem more believable.

A witness?

Right, you'd get somebody to search the classroom with you. You'd be the only one to 'see' Snake, of course, but just having somebody around when you 'see' it should make the story more believable.

Oh, then we should do it!

But... bringing in somebody else like that is risky. We can't control their behavior, and it might end up causing some trouble.

Oh, then we shouldn't do it.

Still, if it worked out, it would do wonders for your believability.

I'm confused, should we do it or shouldn't we?

Rooster, I'm saying there's risks associated with doing it and risks associated with not doing it.

Okay, and I'm telling you, as the think-y one, which is our best option?



The best choice for this one (which 62.3% voted for) is...

A witness will help a lot. Let's get one.

Great!

But that brings up a new problem. If somebody is with you, you're going to need a natural reason to go check out the crime scene.

Couldn't I just say that I wanted to go check on what Snake was doing?

Maybe, but I don't know how believable that would be.

Hmm.

It would be for the best if you heard a noise that drew you two out there. Like a crash or something.

That would be great!



If it sounded like the murder, that'd even give me an alibi for the crime – solidifying the story further!

Sure, but to make that sound, I'd probably have to do it. I could push Sheep down the stairs. That'd likely do it, but...

What's with the hesitation?

If you guys came out right after that, I could only get so far from the crime scene. I'd probably end up being in close proximity, and thus would end up a suspect.

Oh come on, I've been doing all the heavy lifting so far! I mean with the actual murders, and the star testimony, and whatnot.

You should get your feet wet in the whole 'murder plot' waters. It'll be fun!



The best choice here (which 34% voted for) is...

It will decidedly not be. However, I don't see much choice in the matter. If it helps our odds, I say we do it.

Great, then we're decided!

It appears we are. The dice are cast, so to speak.

Let's see if we have a winning roll.

[BGM: Silence]


And just like that, we put the plan into action. Rooster, for his part, went to look for someone to search this area with him. Meanwhile, I hid in a classroom right next to Sheep's body. Soon enough, I heard Rooster and Pig talking in the nearby classroom. It was go time. I walked over to Sheep's body and, with some hesitation, pushed it down the stairs. Then I immediately headed back to the classroom further down the hallway. After pausing a beat or two, I walked in, after Rooster and Pig had already made a scene.

From there, the entire group was called for, and slowly began to gather around the crime. Everyone was panicked and very sad at the death. Horse in particular looked like he was barely holding his rage in. It was very troubling. Very tragic. …To most people. For my part, I just tried my best to play the part of a grieving, scared girl. Rooster volunteered the story we had concocted. And Pig, for her part, verified what she could.

Ox listened in with a very focused look on his face. He was in full investigative mode.

[BGM: Dog Days]


So Snake walks towards this direction, a bit later a body shows up, and he's not even around? Where could he be...

Well, in fairness, it's not like we have everybody. There are still a few people in the further areas of the school still investigating, blissfully unaware of all of this.

Um, should we try to go get them?

We will in a bit, for now let's try not to crowd too many people around the scene. That can lead to issues.

And Rooster, you were with Pig at the time this happened?

Yessir, we were looking around together.

Yeah, Rooster was with me when he saw Snake. Although I didn't see him myself.



But you heard the crashing noise a bit later?

Right, that's what drew us to this scene.

Okay, that all checks out.

Done with his interrogation, Ox walked over to the body and leaned in to look closer. Trying to look helpful, I followed him, bent over, and looked too.

…

It appears that Sheep was struck from the side. She was likely just walking by when the assailant clonked her with that statue nearby.

You mean this thing?



Dog walked over to the statue and tried picking it up.

Don't tamper with evidence!

I'm investigating! This is what investigating looks like!

Oh really, and what keen insights are you picking up on right now?

The statue's heavy.

Fascinating.

Anyways, there's not a lot to the crime. It seems pretty open and shut that the killer just hit her over the head with this statue, then fled.



Mouse, you were searching in a nearby classroom, weren't you?

Yes, why?

I just think it curious.

Hold on, you're not suspecting me, are you?

Oh, lay off her, Horse. That statue's too heavy for a girl of her stature to effectively use as a weapon. I mean, she could probably lift and use it if needed, but it'd certainly be unwieldy.

She'd generally opt for something like a knife.

Besides, there's a staircase right near the scene of the crime. Which means it would've been easy for the killer to slip away without being spotted.

But they were spotted, weren't they?

…

…

[BGM: Silence]


Well, I think there's one mystery on everyone's minds.

And what's that, Rooster?

[BGM: Cock a Doodle Doo]


Why on earth did Snake walk over to the scene of the crime? A true enigma.

..Well, Rooster, I think we were all assuming that's because he was the killer.

Oh, so just because he happens to walk to a scene where there's a dead body, he made the dead body?

...Yes?

Tch, tch, tch. Bunny, you've fallen into one of the oldest logical fallacies around.

Causation does not equal correlation!! There are many possible explanations for Snake's movements.

...For example?



Well, perhaps he was a vampyr.

Rooster.

Hey, no, hold on, give it a second. Very creepy, ambiguously old, knew a lot of things he shouldn't know.

I think he's got a vampyr bingo going! He was lured to the scene by following the sweet sweet smell of blood.

And it explains where he went – when he heard people coming, he simply turned into a cloud of fog, as a vampyr might.

...Well, okay, I appreciate the thought Rooster. This vampire angle might be a possibility to look at lat-

No, it isn't, it's stupid. Don't humor him.



Rooster, could you please take this seriously?

I am!

Or are you some sorta non-believer?

I beg of you to shut up, I beg of you.

I'm just saying, if we're dealing with vampyrs, we've gotta be prepared for it! I'm not seeing a stake on any of you.

Would a vampire have grey hair? I thought their whole deal was that they were, like, eternally young or something.

Pssh. That doesn't prove anything. Snake could have been dying his hair.

To... make him look older?

Yeah, gives him a real wizened look.



Well then, that raises a question – do the carpets match the drapes?

Good question!

Bad question. The worst question. The anti-question.

You guys realize we're standing in front of a dead body, right?

...Allegedly dead.

This was a perfectly good investigation. It was fine. What happened?

[BGM: Stampede of Truth]


I had to admit, I was surprised. I had secretly been kinda worried that Rooster wouldn't be able to hid what we had done, but he was acting... like normal. Even moreso than myself, really. I guess he was a better actor than I gave him credit for.

Actually, Rooster, there's something odd about your testimony. You never mentioned that Snake was carrying this statue.

Well, that's because I didn't see him carrying it.

You didn't?

In fairness, I only kinda caught the back half of him, and even then, only from one side. It's heavy, but not that large a statue. He could've easily been holding it and I would've missed it.

Very well then. Does anyone know where this statue came from?

Uh, there's an art room not very far from here. I would think it came from there.

Okay, let's all investigate over there.

And like that, the group headed over to the nearby art room.