Part 6: Updates 26-30

Update 26

Chem-Comando posted:

Console Steve by giving him a brand new romantic interest! Perhaps one of the extra stormtroopers, or a mouse bot!

The mouse bot seemed like a good idea. I figured since Steve is just a miniature Tug, he'd find a droid more appealing than a giant gay frog.

It didn't seem to be working. So I tried something a little different...

But it just made things worse.. I guess I don't understand love.

Boom316 posted:

I still say we need to get our shields back. Steal the big dome from Epcot center. It'd make a perfect ISD Sheild Dome.

OR, just strap our batallions of stormtroppers to the outer hull as a makeshift shield.

Lobok posted:

What if we bluffed? After splicing the ships together, there should be a lot of spare wings left over from the TIE Fighters. We could weld those together to look like generators. Now, I know you're thinking "But those won't make spheres," but that's the plan! When they see our awesome FrankenFighters, and then our shield generators, they'll be like "Naw, son! This muhfucka got all da shit! Fuckin' crazy-ass fightaz and he's stuntin' that whip with dodeca-muhfuckin'-hedron shields??? Dis nigga's crazy! Let's jet!"

Poopy Palpy posted:

Any opponent stupid enough to think that the bridge section sensor domes are shield generators wouldn't have the deductive reasoning to piece all that together. Yeah, I'm a fanwank nerd, what of it?

You guys are making this WAY too complicated. Lets stick with what works and go with this advice:

notZaar posted:

Our next order of business is to ram the entire ship onto the bridge of a Super Star Destroyer and commandeer that vessel into our growing armada.

Of course, its too ambitious to try and take something like the Executor now, so we'll just attack an Imperial Shipyard with several ships in drydock.
The more capital ships in our possession, the better!

So, I went and found our old CO. First, I made him wear a funny hat:

Then I told him to come up with a mission plan that would be satisfying for what we want to do. When he told me it was stupid, I threatened him with the Stormtrooper 70% test

"We will be flying the ISD designated Alpha 1. I mean NCC 1701 SS-SD Faggostevebridgedinger Goonarrhea RamReciever. We will have, uhh, no wingmen."

"Once we hyperspace into the area, we will deploy every transport shuttle and gunboat."

"The pilots' orders are simple. They will all crash into the bridges of every ship we can find. There will be multiple gunboats and shuttles per capital ship to improve the absolutely miniscule odds that they survive to take command of the bridge. The first pilot to take a bridge gets to command the ship."

Facial Butter posted:

I think as a penance for this horrible act, you should improve your piloting skills by taking your ISD through the obstacle training course tunnel thing.

"After the battle, each new captain must pilot their craft through the training course. If they fail, we jettison them into space, and the second pilot who survived the crash into the bridge of that ship gets a turn."

Addendum by NotZaar

MEANWHILE...

Update 27

Let's start the mission.

As you can see, we're standing at the helm of our Star Destroyer. I had the onboard engineers rearrange it so that it resembles the cockpit of our fighters. Also, we re-directed all power that normally goes to shields to the engines so that we can pilot it like a fighter.

Also note that we patched up the hole where our gunship crashed.

Engage H-drive!

There's the drydocks. Everyone scramble to your fighters/transports!

Shiver posted:

Now wait a minute. We're throwing away all of our assault gunboats and transports to suicidally crash into a bunch of capital ships that aren't even online yet? Why are we not using boarding parties? Our storm troopers shoot better than theirs, it's a proven fact.

I agree with this statement somewhat. While its too late to change the overall mission, I have decreed that all transports will come with a full complement of stormtroopers. Also, each Gunboat will have as many stormtroopers stuffed into the cockpit as possible. Stormtroopers are considered eligible for becoming the captain of a ship. This was done in order to improve loyalty, though it will probably result in some in-fighting once they actually board the enemy vessels.

Launch!

Here's a screenshot from a remote camera placed on one of the transports:

It seems like everyone is just dying to get to be the captain of their very own Star Destroyer!






Uh oh, the Imperials are reinforcing their position! Another Star Destroyer just hyper-spaced into the battle!

AlmightyPants posted:

You need to spin the star destroyer around really quickly and lob the mon cal crusier at threats like a shot put.

Amen in to that!

Push the stick hard to the left!

Faster!

...and SPACE BRAKE

Hey, what do you know? Free shield repairs



Incoming Transmition:
"Sir! The AI known as ROB aboard the Great Fox is attempting to escape! It just left the hangar! What do we do?"

This is a tricky one. The boarding craft are all busy stealing ships. If we send our fighters after it, we might destroy it. Should we just destroy the Great Fox, or attempt to steal it back somehow?

Update 28

Vermilion posted:

I propose tacking the other destroyer upside-down on top of our command deck, making some sort of gigantic TIE-like ship!

I gave the order, despite the logistical nightmare our engineers claimed this would be.













Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present:

The TIE DESTROYER!

Axe-Man posted:

Send fighters after it to disable it.

I debated a long time as to what to do about the Great Fox. I decided that disabling and recovering the ship was the smartest move, simply because we couldn't afford to let the enigmatic AI known as ROB escape.

I decided to lead the strike myself, mainly to further improve loyalty by setting an example (but also because our remote sensors said that ROB wasn't a threat)

However, this proved to be a mistake...

Once I finally got the cockpit, I was so angry, I just wasted the little bastard right there.

"I knew you'd come."

Update 29

Daduzi posted:

Offer Steve your ice cream there's still a chance you can bring him round.

AlmightyPants posted:

Do this. If this doesn't work blind him with the ice cream.

"Steve, I want you to take this Ice Cream, and float away. I can forget this ever happened, but you have to make the smart decision!"

"NO! You think ice cream will stop the darkness welling up in my heart!? Inside it shadows swallow angels in blankets of ice and blood and the childhood of my existence, a vortex, it becomes as one with the void of the universe and its demons. Don't stand in my way for I long to become one of those nightmares of the whispering times!!"

Wow, he's quick!

Gurner posted:

Ram a mouse bot into his cockpit

As Steve lay dying their on the floor, he started whispering to me.

"Please.....t...take...care..."

"...of...m...my........"

OH MY GOD, STEVE'S A...

GIRL!?

Update 30

Isometric Bacon posted:

They must be protected from err uh.. you, and uhh... you... must never find out about their existence until the time is right.

Send one to be the wealthy daughter of some senator where she will grow up rich and strong and the other to some shitfuck dustbowl town on some slave planet so he'll grow up a whiny bitch, and when the time is right you can reunite with them for some kickass sort of space battle.

Mr. Pumroy posted:

Yeah. Kill 'em right now. If there's one thing you learn from Star Wars it's that kids born on their mother's death bed will grow up to fuck with your favorite toys.

You bring up a point. There's alot of different ideas as to what to do about these babies. I think I have settled on a compromise:

This little guy has had his brain removed and replaced with a droid brain that obeys our every commmand. We have stuck him in an aquarium, where he will grow to be our mighty steed. Our scientists claim that they can accelerate his growth using glowing crystals, toxic waste, Tiberum, witchcraft, Phazon or some such nonsense, so we can be use him sooner.

As for this fellow:

Well, the general consesnus was so we turned it into a wall plaque. Sort of a mounted example of an abomination to the Lord.



Anyway, the news of our defection has spread far and wide, and many have showed up who wish to join our cause. Pirates, disillusioned rebels, Imperials tired of the beauracracy, stormtroopers who want more and more ice cream. What should we do about this?

Once all this is sorted out, we should find a new objective as well.











Oh, and I wasn't quite ready to give up on old Steve.

He She comes equipped with a variety of tools and extendable arms. Kind of like an evil R2-D2.