Part 8: The Land's Above - Torin, Friend To The Elderly

08. The Land's Above - Torin, Friend To The Elderly


Yeah? What's that thing? You--rang? Huh, who are you? Where'd you come from? What're you doin' there? You tryin' to sneak by me? Oooo! I wasn't asleep, no sir, I heard you come through!
Oh, I wasn't trying to sneak by you. I'm Torin, and I really need to get to the Lands Below. Can you help me?
The Lands Below? You're one of them? Well you can't stay here. You go right back down where you came from! Yup, nobody from down there gets past me. And you won't neither.


Oh no, you misunderstand. I'm not from the Lands Below, I wanna go there. So you do know how to get there?
Go there? Why no one goes there. That's no place for any self respectin' citizen. Why them worlds is filled with nutsos, malcontents, psychos--politicians. No, there's no way I'd let you go down there.
So you do now! Oh please help me sir, I must get to the Lands Below.
Nope, No way! Nobody gets inside this guard house except my replacement. Don't know where he is either, was supposed to be here ten, maybe twelve years ago. Never been this late before--no, you gotta go. Get outta here and don't come back.


Of course, NOW Torin knocks on the door--


Halt! Who goes there?
Um, it's me, uh, I'm your replacement.

--to take advantage of the elderly!



What?!? You are! Finally, it's about time. You must be ten years late. Where have you been?
Uh, heavy traffic.
Huh? Well, whatever. Hurry up and get inside here, I'm powerful hungry.
Uh, okay.
Hmmm, can't say I much care for the new uniforms.



Alright, now we're getting somewhere!



Once we're inside the guard house, Boogle immediately learns the Lantern ability. We can also take a look at the loot we acquired outside:




So? Get stared.
Okay. Started what?
Don't they teach you young-uns anything at basic anymore?
Well maybe, but uh, I wasn't exactly at the top of my class, you know?
Hmm, I can see that. Don't tradition mean nothin' no more? What's your generation comin' to? Say, where's your provisions?
Provisions? Um, well I, err...
My meal, boy, my meal. You know the core tradition: before taking over the replacement guard always cooks the departin' guard his final meal.
Oh, uh huh, I knew that. Uh yeah, that's still taught to uh, all of us. What is it you like exactly?
You mean you didn't bring it with you!? Well, you won't find no fort comforts out here. It's your problem not mine. I know what I want.
Exactly what do you want for your last meal.
Last meal? I ain't dead yet! Hey. Who are you? What are you doing in here? You my replacement?
Oh brother...
Why yes! I am your replacement. You know, there's a tradition that the new guard prepares the departing guards meal! So I'm gonna fix yours.
Dang right I know! And I know what I want. Hope you brought it with you.
What'll you have?
For my appetizer, I want juice. Berry juice. Freshly squeeze, none of that canned crap neither.
Berry juice, huh?

Good thing we already picked those berries!

Also, if you forget what you're supposed to do, you're always able to ask an NPC again and they'll be happy to tell you, usually with a different response depending on how annoyed they are with Torin.

Hey, who are you? Do I know you?
What? I'm Torin, your replacement, rememeber?
You look familiar, haven't I seen you before?
Well, yes. A few minutes ago, I've been standing right here.
No, I don't think so. But I know one thing, I ain't gonna do nothin' till I get me some berry juice.
Oh yeah, right.
*hands over the berries* Here you are, Herman! I brought you some berries.
Great! Wait, how did you know my name? I don't recall telling you my name! Well, never mind that, I suppose. About the berries--Now squeeze'em!
What? Oh. Alright. Where's the juicer?
I told you, over there, on the cabinet!
Boogle, can you be an axe?



I--wait--w, what was that? Torin, what did you just do? Why--I don't even--



Uh, anyway, in doing this LP I've discovered something kind of fun: a lot of the animations don't perfectly synch up with the game world. As a result, there's a lot examples of clipping or bizarre perspectives. Like so:



Anyways, Herman slams back the beverage:



Whew, here you go. Say, what kind of berries are those?
Why, chuckberries of course!





Ahh, that tastes great, but now I'm getting a little hungry.
Oh brother.
You know what I really miss?
I'm kind of afraid to hear.
Sluggetti and peat balls.
Sluggetti and peat balls? Don't you mean spaghetti and meatballs?
Ain't never heard of no such thing as that. Say, you sure you're from around here boy? No, no, sluggetti and peat balls is exactly what I crave.
Oh okay, I'll fix it for you. What's in it?
Why, slugs and peat balls, whaddaya think?
(Euuugh, I'll be sure to round up just enough for one meal).

If we pull the "Forgetful Torin" routine now, Herman will let slip some interesting plot information. Also, even Torin is beginning to get annoyed at this point. One of my favourite aspects of this game is the barely concealed contempt various characters will show for each other.


Um, what exactly do you want me to bring you?
Peat moss. Slugs. What are ya, dull? Say, did I ever tell ya the story about the last person I "sent down?"
Uh, no you didn't---
Oh, crap!
Uh, I mean, yes, yes you did, so don't, okay? I'm in a bit of a hurry you see, so uh...
Sweet young thing. Damn shame. They clamped that collar around her neck so tight she couldn't hardly breath. And then poof, she was gone. Couldn't ever come back home. Too bad.
Huh. Fascinating. Bye.



It's back to the Lands Above Forest to find what Guardsman Herman wants. Thanks to our thoroughness earlier, we'll be able to keep backtracking to a minimum in the next update.