Part 81
Hey, I had to chop it somewhere to not break the 50k character limit. ...but it would've been so much better if it really did end there. 
No, if I was dead, I even wouldn't have seen such a dream, so I might be on the very verge of death then.
Well, anyway----it's certain that this has to be quite close to "death".
That person who was smiling before me earlier.
Ciel, who has so happily told me this fairy tale.
Without pain or suffering, a completely ordinary life, a story as she wanted.
No sadness at all, just a very common-place life, a radiant world.
To me or Arihiko, it was a completely boring repetition of days without any value.
That, that boring thing was.
"----To her, it was an unfulfillable dream."
Thinking aloud, I feel sad.
I selfishly ended my life.
I didn't think deeply about what would happen afterwards.
If this was what her dream was, then no matter how terrible I become or how pitiful I become,
Maybe I should have stayed beside her, being helped by her and protecting her.
Music: play track 9
"Tohno Shiki has acted on what he thought was the best choice. You don't need to burden yourself with what Ciel wants. If you do that, you will be burdened by someone else's dream like earlier."
----Although there's no one else than me here anymore, I can hear someone else's voice.
"Yeah. You woke yourself from the dream, so there is nothing else here besides Shiki.
I see, you can use your brain a little, Tohno Shiki."
----Then, you are.
"No. I don't want you to get the wrong impression. Roa was killed by you already.
In the first place, if Roa still existed, then there would be no way you could exist.
Even though you are already dead."
----I don't, quite get it.
Then what am I, right now?
So, the dream you saw has some truth about reality.
Such as----"
----Like becoming a vegetable without gaining consciousness?
"Yeah, that at least is true.
After you stabbed yourself, you were still left without waking up. This instant is really just a small gap of time between the two.
When you wake up from this dream----you will simply be comatose, not even able to dream."
----Then, what will happen to Senpai?
"I don't know. But shouldn't you think about yourself more than other people?
It won't be bad, so just close your eyes again.
This time, try not to wake up.
If you do that----then you can watch that happy dream again."
----I don't understand. Who are you?
"Hey. That doesn't really matter. If you wake up, you won't even be able to to dream, you'd just become a 'pile of organs', you know?
So, it's just better to sink back into that dream.
You really did well. It is too bad for that person Ciel, but you and I also had horrible luck.
So, I think we could at least see a happy dream, you know?"
------So, who are you?
"Hey, excuse yourself. I'm a year older than you, you know. Tohno Shiki is only eight years old, right? With that in mind, I have existed for almost nine years."
----Then, you are......
"That's it. I was cast away until now, but since you fell into the same place, I called out to you.
But, it's not like we're actually separate people. We are the same existence, after all.
Even if you forgot, you are the Shiki that is the extension of me. But in my case, I am your foundation but not your past, so I am just trash.
Well, it is difficult to talk about it, so let's just leave it aside."
I'll say it's difficult. What the fuck? -----I don't understand. Then what does that trash want to make me do?
"That's what I've been saying. I'm warning you not to wake up. You, I mean Tohno Shiki's reality is nothing more than spending the rest of your life in a coma. If you awake to that, you won't even be able to dream. Even though you could manage your body, your brain would not function.
"In other words, death. Not death to your existence, but the death of your will. In that situation...... you wouldn't need to die, right? Even if you woke up, you can't live in reality. I'd be much happier if you just watched a dream about reality here."
----...... what is that?
Even if I just slept the rest of my life, dreaming selfishly isn't fun at all.
My dreams are usually about that day, or the days I had until I was nine years old.
That may be happy, but there's no future for Shiki there.
Such as getting older, having a person you like, living busily every day."
"My reality, my knowledge, the future I can imagine from that is so small and hopeless that I can't even imagine those things.
But, your dreams were different. What is normal scenery for you looks brilliant to me, even if they are just dreams.
...... But with my limited years, I can't even think of your dreams by myself."
----.........
"If you can't stand your selfish dream, then I can help a little. I can let you remember the other things you forgot that happened in the past. If we work together to fool each other, we can see a somewhat happy dream."
----.....................
As a result, even what's good or bad becomes too difficult to figure out.
And in reality, you and I never did anything wrong. But this is how we ended up, right?
See, that's the person you are Shiki. You've only had things stolen from you, so you shouldn't worry about making others happy."
----That may be true.
But, still, I made a promise not to leave her alone.
If everything before, if everything right now, if all of it is a dream------I have to wake up.
"Even if there might be nothing for you if you wake up?"
----Because she's waiting. I have to go back.
Even if it means my death----I promised I'll be there where she's waiting.
Even though we are the same, if we are parted this much, we need an image to "merge". Well, I guess it's useless for me to tell you because you've even forgot about that."
But you know, if that's the case, never do something stupid again to make her cry, okay?"
----And, he disappears.
No, maybe died would be closer in meaning.
...... I feel a strange pain.
Missing, something I won't be able to get back.
I feel sad about something.
Even though I tried to remember,
I didn't quite grasp that it was nostalgia.
".................."
My consciousness returns.
I wake up from a moment's dream.
If that dream disappears and I disappear,
the only thing waiting for me is death.
Music: stop
Music: play track 7
I still can't think of anything.
My body is collapsed.
My head----is on something soft.
----That's strange.
I should have woken from that dream already.
...... I just reach out my hand and touch her cheek.
Her tears course down my fingers.
Without a doubt, these warm tears are real.
In the night sky, the moon still hangs from the time Arcueid disappeared, and my chest is covered in blood.
But, that gaping wound has closed.
Did she heal me or did that wound never exist in the first place?
...... Well, if I'm alive.
That's just a trivial matter since I am able to exist here right now.
"...... Tohno-kun...... Can you, understand me......?"
Her shaking voice.
"...... I'm surprised. Senpai, you're really crying."
"----Yes. I've never felt like this ever before."
"Haha, isn't that a bit much, Senpai?"
I ramble with my hazy head.
I feel spaced out.
There's no headache. There's no pain. I don't know what happened to Roa or what happened to me. All I know is Ciel is here with me in the morning light.
............ *sigh*
What happiness.
What I want is all right here before me.
"...... Thank goodness. I can keep my promise."
I say that after a long sigh.
"What are you saying? Aren't we supposed to go with Inui-kun and hang out today after school? So we really don't have time to just sit here all day, do we?"
She speaks and gives a mischievous smile like before.
"...... Ciel. You really contradicted yourself. You know that, right?"
"Oh...... yes, it seems so. I seem to have lost my mind since you woke up."
She gives a deep blush.
"...... Aw, man. I'll be bored if I have to stay like this for another hour."
All I can move is my arms.
And she should get tired from having my head on her lap for an hour.
"...... Sorry. Doesn't this tire you out? You can let me sleep on the ground---"
"...... Geez, what are you saying? I'm doing this out of my own will, so please indulge my selfishness."
Her cheeks turning even redder, she continues to look at me.
"...... And, if I stayed like this, I thought you might do it......"
"Ah------"
----I remember.
Come to think of it, I think we made a promise like that before.
"---------"
...... I'm speechless.
Just, at last, for real,
I feel like I've woken, from a long sleep.
"...... First, good morning Ciel."
"Yes. Good morning, Tohno-kun."
Since her smiling face and her tears are more glorious than anything on this earth,
I relax and close my eyes.
Music: stop
Music: play track 8
"-----Hmph."
She sounds a little disappointed.
But, really----I'm sleepy right now.
"----I understand. Then I'll carry you to my room, but is it okay?"
"Eh...... Isn't that bad? We'll miss school if we do that."
"It's okay, let's skip for today. Besides, there are a lot of things I want to ask you about, Tohno-kun."
---And then,
I feel myself being lifted.
"Hey----Senpai, the clinic is fine, we don't have to go to your room......!"
"Denied. Tohno-kun, you have to tell me what you did with Arcueid when I wasn't there."
Ciel smiles as she holds me.
There's enough intensity to almost banish all traces of sleepiness away.
"Then, let's go. The sun is just rising, so if we hurry, no one will see us."
"Senpai, that's why the clinic is much bet----uwaaaah!"
With a light stomp, Ciel takes a huge leap.
I feel weightless, like I'm floating in space.
At this rate, we really will be at Ciel's apartment soon but---
I whisper to the person in my dream.
Well then, first thing's first----I have to start seriously thinking about what I should tell her about Arcueid---
I hope all of you enjoy your... happy. 
Music: play track 9
Let's meet again somewhere in Tsukihime.
Music: stop
Good ending coming up soon... and by good, I mean terrible.