Part 37: Cleopatra Jones and TheGreatEvilKing's Descent Into Insanity

Cleopatra Jones and TheGreatEvilKing's Descent Into Insanity

Welcome back! Last time on Tyranny, there was a bunch of amoral idiocy, and Sirin got a cute cat. Today there's a distinct lack of cats but the idiocy lives on in style!



I suddenly realize we still have to find Tonves at the wonderful murder site, so I put off doing this hell dungeon a little bit longer.



: You've done a terrible thing. Many would call an execution here and now just.

: I thought it might come to this. He crouches down and strokes the corpse's blood-stained fur.



Toot toot! Toot toot!

: I betrayed her and so many others. Jaspos may have demanded it, but he didn't guide my hand when I slew them.



The above is from Axe Cop, a comic written by a literal five year old. This is the level of what we are dealing with here.



What the hell is the point of this? Why did we need to go through the song and dance of you running down here to avoid the angry mob if you've made your peace with death and hate yourself this entire time? Why didn't you expose Jaspos when he commanded you to do this? You know he's not a master of anything, AND this act is so heinous apparently an angry mob will murder you for doing it.

: [Kill him.] You meant well, but that is no excuse for murder. For these crimes, I must sentence you to death.



"A stoic mask of cold resignation" sure is a sentence.

: You oblige, stepping forward and driving a blade into his heart. As he collapses next to his former victim, their blood slowly pools together, buoying their bodies weakly above the chill Oldwalls floor.


This still doesn't make sense. We know Mell was picking the targets for Tonves' assassinations, but no one, not even our fairly intelligent party seems to put any kind of responsibility on Mell for picking that Beastwoman to die. I don't even think we can go back and kill him, but to be fair, I'm not about to replay this trash heap to find out.



: Tonves is no longer with the Wound.



: Tonves is dead.

: I see. A terrible end, but a necessary one. Tonves struck me as a conflicted man. I will be charitable when noting his passing in the log. He unfurls a compact parchment and jots down the events with a quick flourish of his pen.

We're not gonna discuss how you initially tried to frame him and claim you had nothing to do with these murders, even though you conspired with him to murder individuals for money? No?



These options are terrible and I hate them both.

: Things should return to normal with Tonves out of the way.



Fuck. You.


Mell comes off as a crazed racist psychopath. The thread was discussing Malcolm X's speech about house slaves and field slaves, and Mell honestly comes off as the guy who wants Reef-Talon to come back as a field slave. I can't tell if this is intentional, but rest assured, absolutely nothing will make any sense through the rest of this DLC.



We get a cutscene.



These random Blue Dudes have cornered Reef-Talon, except they haven't, because they need to figure out how to make the stairs actually work.





Reef-Talon has been on screen for five minutes and she's already the most moral character in this DLC.

: She gives her scabbard an assured pat. Wagstaff made it clear that we weren't to use these unless necessary. The others watch in anticipation, expressions alternating between caution and exhilaration. But he didn't define 'necessary' in so many words, so let's not -





It's Tyranny combat. We don't do anything new or interesting in it. Spells are thrown. Conditions are inflicted. The enemy dies horribly.




So Wagstaff is now guilty of conspiracy to murder a Fatebinder. That's a big deal! There's an encounter in Act 1 where if you're enough of a dick to the Disfavored you can goad Barik into striking you, then either kill him or sentence him to eternally serve you. That's just one blow. A coordinated hit on a Fatebinder like this? This is the kind of thing where Tunon goes to your house and kills you. This is a serious crime that, unsurprisingly for this DLC, will never be mentioned again.



The idiots were helpfully carrying the blue torchkey, and, yeah, guess where this is going? There are three keystands, we have one key, get ready to wonder this dungeon of three separate maps trying to find all three of these keys!







: You're needed back at Bastard's Wound. I've come to find you.

: Reef-Talon already tried to help Wound, but now skulks in depths like wretched creature. She shakes her head vigorously from side to side. Beastwoman does not deserve life - has abandoned cubs and Wound and now only mother to Sleepless. Reef-Talon's new brood clings to life but knows not why. Dreamless-visionless-purposeless... like Beastwoman, now.

: She growls and leaps backwards, continuing to eye you with suspicion. Fatebinder smells of outside, can bring only danger.

: She slashes the stone floor, sending chunks of the masonry tumbling down toward you. Go back to Wound, to safe lands above! Leave Reef-Talon to the pit - leave with Scourge and Sleepless. She paws along the floor and turns her back to you, bounding off into the darkness.




We get a cutscene text dump telling us that in this Oldwalls dungeon, we can flip switches and insert keys remotely. Sirin has a few voice lines about how totally radical it is. You're going to hate it.



These are the other two gimmicks of this wonderful dungeon: teleporters, and mixed human-Bane enemy groups. The humans have a few new-looking tricks that make no meaningful difference in combat and the Bane are the same old shit we've been running into all game.



Combat sucks because everything in Tyranny is a bloated sack of hit points, and it boils down to spamming status effects to win. This dungeon is crammed to the gills with trash mob encounters. There's trash in almost every room of this dungeon, and it's the same boring trash. Our victory is basically predetermined because we have four mages who can inflict damage and statuses.



To make matters more annoying, most of the time when you activate a keystone it enables a button that you have to click, further impeding progress in this incredibly annoying dungeon.



We go through the teleporter and...more trash!



This is new. So this lightning spell, Thunderstorm, is created by combining the Sigil of Chaotic Descent with the Lightning Sigil. I actually missed the Sigil back in Lethian's Crossing. Don't worry, we'll get it soon. What it does it call down random lightning projectiles in an area, and there's an upcoming sigil we could have had if the thread hadn't made me make a Forge Spire that makes this extremely good. These Sorcerer Savants have both. Remember this for later, because this is going to contribute to things generally not making sense.



Having killed all the trash we can talk to this "Sleepless" guy over here.



These guys are going neurotic from lack of sleep and if we humor them we can occasionally get keystones or teleporter keys to progress the dungeon. They're all looking for Reef-Talon. I'm not transcribing this, there are like five of these guys and they're all vaguely delusional in uninteresting ways.



Oh, yes, there are water level puzzles too, and by puzzles, I mean switches to seek out to lower the water level.



Keen eyed observers might have noticed that glowing sigil in the corner.



You can slap this on a spell and it will bounce to up to three additional targets. You can put this on an AoE spell too, so if you get a bunch of idiots clustered together you can blow them all to hell. Now, you might be asking where I and II are - they're in the Stone Sea, the area we put off to go do this awful DLC hell.



The biggest problem with this dungeon is that it's all shit we've seen before and will see again. We've seen the Oldwalls. I don't think it's a big spoiler to tell you there are more Oldwalls dungeons in the game. Interacting with switches, jumps, and whatnot slows down the isometric RPG in a way that shooting the hookshot in Zelda does not.



SIRIN! NO! Sirin means well and it's not her fault. These murals are for the next part of the Reef-Talon quest. It turns out that if you examine them now, that triggers a bug that makes the DLC unfinishable. Really. I don't know if they subcontracted this out to Todd Howard or something, but you should be assured this DLC is full of bad coding to go with the bad writing.



There are a few rooms that open with the keys from other Oldwalls. We can open this room because we did Lethian's Crossing.



For our troubles the game sics more trash mobs on us.



Having defeated the trash mobs, we're allowed into the secret room of generic loot...



Which immediately triggers more trash mobs. Look, this is an entirely new section of the Oldwalls. You guys have the Pillars of Eternity engine and that game has a ton of different monsters that fight differently. Are you telling me you couldn't come up with some kind of new enemy? No, humans in blue shirts do not count.



I have a LOT of combat screenshots from this place. Not pictured: aimlessly wandering around like a dipshit because the dungeon's goal is to find "some keys" "somewhere" so we can continue our riveting conversation with Reef-Talon.



I realize I'm making progress when I get forced into cutscene mode and this band of mercenaries accosts us.



This raises so many questions.

1) Who are these mercenaries? Most mercenary armies are either under the employ of Kyros or crushed under her armies. Who is mad enough to take a job to kill a Fatebinder in Kyros-occupied territory? The Bronze Brotherhood are characterized as insane berserkers, and you can get them to back down from a fight in Act 1 by citing the laws against attacking Fatebinders. Remember too, entering the Oldwalls comes with the risk both of Bane attacks AND running afoul of Kyros' law. Even if we ignore these risks, Kyros is a potential employer with a ton of money - did these guys alienate the regime somehow? If they did, why weren't the Fatebinders warned to look out for them?

2) The Wound produces nothing and, in the words of Rostrum Lenk, rings have no value. These are the same blue armored guys we've encountered both at the beginning and among the Sleepless, implying that Reef-Talon hit them with her powers. What does Wagstaff have to pay these guys with, so much that they are willing to accept the horrible attrition rates among their highly trained "Sorcerer Savants" and warriors? I suppose he could trade the knowledge of the Tidecasters, but you can't pay your troops with that!

Just wait. It's gonna get worse!



: [Athletics 55] [Throw rubble at mercenary's head.]







This starts the ritual known as Tyranny combat. The outcome is once again foreordained and it's a D&D 4e boring death spiral of too many hitpoints.



We don't need to change tactics, we don't need to manage resources, we don't need to worry about positioning, it's just slamming our thick debuff stack into their soft fleshy bodies.



Hooray!



We keep trudging through the pit.



Nothing in these dungeons requires any kind of critical thinking to solve. It's just mindlessly flipping switches. We have X keys. One of them will work. Push the button.



Sit through the cutscene of the lowering water and bridge extending so you can find more buttons and more keys.



"We need to justify this DLC being fifteen dollars despite being one dungeon"
"What if we added a bunch of trash mobs to the dungeon to pad it and make it seem bigger"
"Genius!"

Apparently this DLC is half-off on Steam, but honestly I wouldn't recommend getting it if it were free.



Now that we've had to backtrack halfway across the map to this switch we couldn't access because of the water we get attacked by...more trash Bane! They're the exact same Bane we saw in Lethian's Crossing. If I was feeling generous I'd point out that all the Bane are happening because people can't get the integrated human-Beast society to work. I am not feeling generous to this DLC, so I will fall back on my "they needed to pad this dungeon to justify the price tag".



Please, God, make it stop.



This isn't interesting!



We get a second torchkey, so now our options have increased to having 2 keys to brute force "puzzles".



The ability to unlock the button and press it from across the chasm doesn't make this dungeon more interesting! Tyranny does not have interesting gameplay! The interesting part of Tyranny is the writing! This dungeon sucks, and the writing leading up to it sucks!



The Spirit of Bad Writing possesses Sirin to desperately try to make this dungeon's gimmick seem hip and cool.



We run into more of these possessed mercenaries.



They actually manage to take out 1/2 of the party solely on how strong that Focused Thunderstorm spell is.



This lady behind them gives us a teleporter key for talking her off the ledge and giving her directions out of here.



At least we get the most powerful accuracy sigil in the game. This sounds cool until you realize we absolutely do not have the lore to stack all these ubersigils together.



Cleopatra levels up and gets closer to her final evil form.



We make it to the teleporter and I have a terrible idea. Instead of going further in this dungeon, let's just... go to Lethian's Crossing and grab the Sigil of Chaotic Descent so we can use it.



Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to identify whether the above screenshot is the Crossing Oldwalls or Bastard's Wound.



So the thing about this sigil is that you can only unlock it with Lantry in the party, as you need his "Voice of the Ages" talent to read the ancient writing it's written in.

The mercenaries that Wagstaff hired know this sigil, and there's two ways in game to get it - you have a random encounter with the "Library Looter" merchant, or you go to these Oldwalls. So, somehow, Wagstaff, a man running a settlement that produces nothing and is nearly starving to death to hide from Kyros, is in constant contact with this outside mercenary company that he somehow pays from his nonexistant resources to the point where they're sending highly trained sorcerers with ancient forbidden knowledge to their deaths in the Oldwalls. Nothing about this makes any sense whatsoever.



On the plus side Cleo can now summon meteors and thunderstorms. This is my first time finding this sigil, so I look forward to Cleopatra's insane rampage.





We can blow up the trash mobs with meteor storms at least.



I discover an extremely stupid bug while I'm here. When Lantry is in the party everyone gets additional spell slots. When he leaves the party, however, the game locks those spells in place even if you try to assign a new spell to that slot, you can't override these. The workaround is to recreate the spell exactly (like the Ball Lightning here) and then manually delete it so we can load Cleo up with crazy crap like acid rain that also causes bleeding. Really. She can do that. Follow the law, everyone!



There's just not much more to discuss in this dungeon right now.



Oh, here's something, it's a band of humans and Beastmen in a preset encounter.



So, as you might guess, this is the exact same encounter as we just had with Wagstaff's mercenaries, but these guys are hired by Jaspos.



We even have the exact same dialogue options, and the mercenaries namedrop their employer I assume because they expect to die and want us to take it out on him. I don't really know. Jaspos is also now guilty of attempted murder of a Fatebinder, for which the sentence is death. The game will immediately forget this.

: Step aside. Is this really how you want to die?

: Come now, warriors like you and I are made for action. Enough talk, let's dance. With a grim smile, she nods to her crew, signalling them to attack.



This encounter has something we haven't seen all game - Beastwomen Mystics instead of human mages. They cast the same spells that humans do - that meteor spell all over the screen is one of the elementalists dropping it on us. This raises even more questions:

1) Where is Jaspos getting the money to pay these people? Wagstaff is at least a master of magic. Jaspos is an inept fuckup who claims to be a master of toolmaking and can't make his own tools. The Wound is so hard up for crafting materials they're skinning their own citizens for clothing (although this may be one of Mell's lies, it's hard to tell).

2) Why are powerful and intelligent Beastman mystics working for a man whose relationship with Beasts is secretly murdering them? For that matter, if Jaspos has these kinds of mercenaries on tap, why use the Woundkin as sacrifices instead of hiring these guys to go kidnap random beasts or just buy them from the slave market, where selling Beasts is perfectly legal? My guess is that these are outside contractors who don't know anything about it, but it seemed to be common knowledge among the Beast community that you donated your blood or your teeth for water purification. Fuck it. The more I think about this DLC the less sense everything makes. An intelligent writer would have explored complicity in the community a la the Germans in the Holocaust, but I don't trust the DLC interns to do anything clever.



Don't worry. Despite the rarity of these enemies they can be defeated in the exact same way.

I'm making the executive decision to skip the rest of the dungeon to the part where we get the last key. It's not interesting. It's more switches, trash mobs, and murals you dare not click for fear of breaking the quest. Let's get past this garbage, shall we?



Once you've ground enough trash mobs you can come back here with all three keys, which unlocks the button you can push to deploy the stairs.



Going up the stairs leads us to Lantry's old girlfriend who was literally never mentioned before this DLC and invited us here for a completely useless fake history we don't care about.

: As you approach, the Sage turns toward you, her face a calm and tranquil smile. Oh darling, having trouble sleeping too?

: It really is you! At first I didn't want to believe, but then - Eyes wide with surprise, Lantry ambles forward, seemingly uncertain of what he's experiencing.





: Sage Lexeme, I presume? Lantry has told me... almost nothing about you.

Even the game realizes this woman was never present.

: Not Lantry, Lexeme! She points to herself with a knowing smile. Or so they call me.

I suppose it is better than "pee-pee into foo-foo".



: [Step back, let Lantry talk to her.]

: Lexeme, it's me... Lantry. He steps forward and reaches his hand out to touch Lexeme.

: Oh...oh it IS you! The old woman's face slackens, her eyes blink as tears begin to form around her eyes. I thought you were just - she grabs his hand and presses it to her cheek A delusion... I have so many these days... and many of them are you.



: [Remain silent.]

: Perhaps it would be better were I dead. I feel-

: Don't say such a thing! Be glad you-



: [Remain silent.]

: Your magic... all of it's gone? Lantry's shoulders shrug and he shakes his head with a sigh. But you were a phenom! I never would have mastered half my expressions without your guidance! But it's... all gone? Maybe you just need some rest. Maybe that would restore order in your mind.

Lantry, Mell told us all of this. You were there. He told us about the Sleepless curse and Lexeme losing her powers.



: I'm Cleopatra Jones. I believe you contacted me regarding a legal matter?

: Legal matters? If you're asking about laws, you... wait, that sounds familiar. Halting mid-thought, Lexeme shakes her head with a violent twitch. Did I...?

: Cleopatra Jones...Cleopatra Jones...

: Oh! Oh my! I had given up hope and almost forgotten I had even sent word! A look of recollection spreads across her face, and Lexeme examines you head to toe. Thank Kyros you found me - apologies you should meet me now, when my mind is a fleeting shadow of what it once was.

Would a Sage who dumped her boyfriend over his support of the Overlord really say "Thank Kyros" when under the influence of a lack of sleep?



: If I were to help... what exactly would you want of me?

: I understand your caution. If these were truly offensive scripts that railed against Kyros, I would understand you being unwilling to assist in the preservation of such slander.

: I've read what I can of Kyros' laws, and I know that much of what we write speaks of how the Tiers is - was - free of Kyros' grip. I know such histories are to be put to the torch. But I contend these writings will only bring glory to Kyros! Our histories show the Tiersmen growing in hubris, unable to see the doom of Kyros to the north. These are not heresies, they are studies in the foolishness of seeing oneself as equal to or greater than Kyros.

Oh boy.



Sirin is absolutely correct here, as the history of the Tiers as presented is quite literally a bunch of arrogant idiots destroying themselves via infighting and making themselves easy prey for Kyros.

: These laws have a purpose. Children might read such things, feel that rebellion against Kyros is warranted and probable. And in doing so, harm themselves and others.

We might not believe in the law anymore, but the important thing is to pay lip service because there are informants everywhere.



: [Subterfuge 31] How do I know I'm salvaging some journals and not a bunch of coded messages for your peers?



Considering we're openly wearing the Silent Archive, the third option is nonsense. No, we cannot offer to let Lexeme check out the Archive for potential solutions to the Wound's problems, that would make too much sense.



: So what is it you want from me?



This is entirely an ego thing - Lexeme wants future generations to remember the Sages as historians.

The second dialog option is completely insane, because our power right now is entirely dependent on the Overlord. The rebel path gives you the option to run around the Tiers telling everyone you're creating an army to destroy Kyros, and it's the stupidest thing because any idiot who overhears it can go right to Tunon and have you killed.

: I will help you, but I can't swear on Kyros' name - I do not take such things lightly.


We don't want to slander the Overlord by openly associating him with this shitty sidequest.



: I say again - I will do this for you, but I will not vow on Kyros' name. End of discussion.





The last time someone trusted Cleopatra's offer she kicked them off a tower.

: Then I swear on my honor as a Fatebinder that I will do everything within my power to preserve your Chronicles.

: Fair enough, Fatebinder. That will have to suffice.

: Here, take this. The Sage thrusts a crumpled parchment into your hands. Notes on where I left the remaining texts. My handwriting was difficult to parse even when I had my mind intact. It's gotten worse.



So, if your suspicion was "we now need to go pixel hunt though the entire dungeon until scrolls appear" congratulations, you're right! Yes, there are even more trash mobs and switches!

: Older specimen? But I popularized the rubble-in-plain-sight trick! The nerve of this woman...



Now, if you want to continue the main quest you need to go back up the tree and ask Lexeme about Reef-Talon. Don't leave like I did!



Of course, if you don't leave, the second introduction makes absolutely no sense, but it's par for the course at this point.

: Mell mentioned that you thought it was possible to help Reef-Talon control her powers.



Great proofreading!



It keeps getting worse!

: Where is Reef-Talon?



: What do you know about Reef-Talon's magic?

: Not enough. She didn't mention being a mystic when we first got acquainted here in Bastard's Wound... which was odd, Beastwomen tend to boast of such things.

: Reef-Talon must fear for constant challengers... why hide such power?

The sentence is written in a way that indicates that she is afraid on behalf of the challengers. This DLC is not very well written.

: We must have been here for a span or two when someone got hurt and Reef-Talon calmly offered to help. She placed her hand on someone's broken leg and - to everyone's amazement - it just mended!

: I was amazed but I had seen Beastwomen mystics before and so... foolishly I just... didn't think to ask more questions.

But wait! I have questions! Do you remember back when we first met Lantry, and he taught us healing magic? You know how Lantry consistently mentioned he and Lexeme shared and taught each other magic, and it's probably likely that part of this included the healing magic Lantry taught us? Why is Lexeme amazed that Reef-Talon can heal, when we've probably healed greater injuries than a broken leg on a daily basis? It's not supposed to be a dancing bear thing like when some racist goes "Wow! A PhD held by a black man!", Lexeme clearly states she'd seen Beastwomen mystics before. I guess maybe she was casting the healing spell differently than a mage would do it, but the miraculous healing isn't anything we don't do every Tuesday. It's the equivalent of if Pharaoh's sorcerers in the Bible were awed by Moses turning his stick into a snake when they do the same thing five minutes later, but also with the inverted symbolism where the sorcerers' snake eats Moses' snake. We heal injuries all the time and no one goes insane! Presumably Lexeme did on a regular basis with her regular magic.

Come to think of it, if Lexeme and or Mell knows the life sigil, why don't they just...use that on the Beast volunteers? There is literally a spell of regeneration in that school. The more I think about this DLC, the less sense it makes. It's not even like a gameplay thing that doesn't exist in cutscene land, the Archon of Rebirth has a whole history we can ask Lantry about. Both Wagstaff and Jaspos could probably learn to cast these spells. This entire scenario is contrived and idiotic, and it's about to get worse from here.



Oh, wait, Lexeme thinks she's just casting spells? Now none of this makes sense at all! It's not much of a spoiler to say Reef-Talon is a budding Archon (just wait till we get to how the game handles that), but no one seems to have come up with the idea of "just ask the Sages to learn healing spells".

: So what can be done to help her?

: Above all, Reef-Talon values the people of the Wound, and so her grief over harming them, even accidentally, is overwhelming. I think she needs insight into her own magical prowess and reassurances that she can prevent making others sick with her magic - if she weren't afraid of her own powers, she might realize the Wound needs her.

Considering that everyone rapidly descends into immorality and incompetence in her absence, yes.



: Tell me about these murals.

: There's a few of them down here, each of them appear to be very old and made by claw and rock, not hand and paintbrush. I've spotted Reef-Talon examining them, and while that proves only correlation, not causation, it does make me wonder.

: It's a bit of a leap, I realize, but the way you and I have scrolls and letters, perhaps Beastmen can write symbols and share magic with each other in ways beyond our ken.

: She shrugs, a sad smile stretching across her face. It is the best hypothesis I have.

Or...it's like regular human art and Reef-Talon has to interpret it. Literally nothing we've seen of Beastmen implies they think that differently from humans. They talk differently, sure, but all the concepts are the same, and as much as people talk about "respecting strength" and whatnot Nerat uses that exact same principle to build his Scarlet Chorus, a faction of the supposedly civilized empire.



: I will seek her out.




I need to break the update here for my sanity.

Next time: Conclusion of the Most Inept Power Struggle!