Part 73: Governor Boris and the Band of Fuckups
Governor Boris and the Band of FuckupsWelcome back! Last time on Tyranny, Mattias' dumb ass got impaled by a spike as he betrayed his people to get the power of the Scarlet Chorus they pretty much told him they were not going to give him. Today we're going to wander off to Lethian's Crossing and fall into Nerat's obvious trap.
First, however, there was a request from the thread to help this person impaled on a spike.
: What crimes have you committed that would warrant my involvement?
This is, of course, because death is preferable to these spiky misadventures.
: You're in luck - for the capital crime of usurping the Overlord's name, I can sentence you to a swift beheading on the morrow.
: Given her training, I bet it was a matter of time until she was taken to see the Voices. And it's probably best that the Archon of Secrets NOT learn everything the Earthshakers know... that could only come back to harm everyone.
Nerat is right there and we're killing her tomorrow. I suspect she gets brain drained anyway.
TheGreatEvilKing summary posted:
: Fatebinder! Help! I'm being tortured to death and it sucks!
: I need a crime! What have you done, that has been deserving of death?
: I, uh, killed an ox by riding it over a cliff! And my middle name is Kyros, because that's blasphemy, right?
: For taking the Overlord's name in vain you have earned a quick beheading.
: God damn Fatebinder, that's so much better than being tortured! I'd bear you like five children if I wasn't gonna die!
: Probably for the best, we don't want Nerat learning earth magic too.
As you can see, we're still on good terms with the Scarlet Chorus. We don't actually talk to Nerat to pick where we go this time, so we'll ask Seven Toes about their opinion. Seven Toes, incidentally, is the last person standing between the player and Nerat when they storm Cacophony in one of the other routes.
: Let's talk about my second task.
: I wanted to ask about Amelia.
: What happened to her baby?
: What do you think happened? She crosses her arms and huffs. Do you see a nursery around here?
: Why do I see her on a spike?
: Let me ask you about something else.
Very funny game, you know I don't get that choice.
: I wanted to ask about Mattias.
: We all end up impaled on a spike?
The Chorus philosophy in a nutshell, folks!
: Let me ask you something else.
The thread voted for Lethian's Crossing next, which is a shame as the Burning Library has one of my favorite Nerat moments. Oh well!
: I will go to Lethian's Crossing next.
: You'll hit Lethian's Crossing, if you aim toward the Sunset Spire. Not even our dumbest gang could miss it. But you're already good at tracking down Spires, aren't you? She winks.
: Say hello to our Scarlet Chorus brethren while you're over there, and report back to Cacophony when you're done. Check in with the old man, Eldian. He's said to be a useful fellow.
TheGreatEvilKing summary posted:
: Hey, why are those prisoners I took care to bring in alive impaled on spikes up the ass?
: Look, man, it's Nerat. He's on his own mental level, ok? We'll all end up there eventually.
: Impaled on spikes?
: Life is nasty, brutish, and short, and Nerat is nuts! Enjoy the ride!
: This couldn't possibly have any relevance to me. I'm off to Lethian's Crossing! Toodle-doo!
Sybil is still here, if you were wondering.
We get a different missive for Verse's quest because Nerat is our "friend", but I'm probably not going to do any of the companion sidequests this run. Lantry requires us to go do the dogshit DLC and we've seen both Verse and Barik's.
On to the Crossing! Last time we played the game we had to slaughter a bunch of Bronze Brotherhood members who wasted our time whining about how we were banned. This run we turned the city over to the Scarlet Chorus, and, uh...
Earlier in the game posted:
So, we're on good terms with the garrison and get saluted instead of having to trash a bunch of mercenaries. However, the actual Crossing itself is having some issues.
These two never get names so I'm not giving them portraits.
: What seems to be the issue here?
: Other than my desire to leave this town before its leaders cause it to collapse in on itself?
Once again, the Kyrosian forces are incompetent fuckups to the point where people are actually wishing that Raetommon, a stupid insane clown with no regard for human life, would return. It's rather ironic, as Tunon goes out of his way to promote Kyros as a viable alternative to the sad band of reactionaries that used to run the Tiers, and then the Chorus goes and does shit like this.
We do, unfortunately, need to deal with the Chorus. These two just give us basic directions and complain about how the Chorus is running everything into the ground, so we move on and I cut most of the rest of their dialog.
Except this! The game is very insistent that Kyros' tyrannical practices ruin everything she touches, and I would be remiss to point out that the Empire is sabotaging its own productivity and tax revenues to maintain the polite fiction that Kyros is somehow in control despite two of her armies waging a civil war.
It's time to talk to Harchiand Bronze again.
: The Voices of Nerat told me to speak with you when I arrived.
The next event in the main quest fires at the forge, but I put it off to wander the town and adjudicate some disputes.
: Let's talk about something else.
: What are your thoughts on the Bronze Brotherhood?
Remember, this is the man who - on Nerat's direct orders - armed the rebels with iron weapons. There's not much we can do with him, and we're under orders from Tunon to befriend Nerat so he lets something slip.
: [Leave] Farewell.
TheGreatEvilKing summary posted:
: Hey, Fatebinder, need some goods?
: Nerat said to talk to you. What's the low down around here?
: Go to the forge, that's where the master is.
: What do you think of the Bronze Brotherhood?
: I'm totally not colluding with them! Honest!
Whatever. This entire empire is corrupt.
You'd think you could find a few Chorus members who want cushy garrison duty instead of fighting rebels and fascists with magic armor.
: What's the problem here?
: Flick has been demanding a discount on my wares. On top of that, he's driven away several of my regular customers. This is unacceptable!
: I'll adjudicate this matter.
: Thank you, Fatebinder. I've no doubt you'll see that I'm in the right.
Well, one of these people is critical to maintaining Boris' powerbase, and the other is some random merchant, so...
: [To Tharek] Tell me your side.
: Would giving Chorus soldiers a discount be bad for business?
Yes, actually, it does. Remember how a lot of other adjudications had us spouting off about trade permits or Tunon telling us about the quota law?
It's odd we don't get the option to ask Tharek to produce a trade permit, but revoking it is presumably within our power as a Fatebinder, especially when said trader refuses to supply the Kyrosian military with sweet discounts.
: Are you overcharging?
: Ask any other merchant in town. They'll all say that my prices are quite comparable to theirs.
We don't know who's telling the truth here, and we're not really in a position to find out.
: Have you given discounts to anyone else?
: [To Flick] Tell me your side.
This is of course complete horseshit, but it's the kind of horseshit we enabled, so Boris doesn't get to complain.
: Why do you need a discount? The Chorus already equips you.
: Tharek says you were driving away other customers. Is this true?
: Can't you go somewhere cheaper? Why do you need to buy from Tharek?
: I'm ready to make a decision.
The first option is in direct violation of Kyros' laws, the second option is gonna get us Chorus points, the third through fifth just piss off everyone.
: The Scarlet Chorus ensures the safety of Lethian's Crossing. They're entitled to a discount for fulfilling their duty so long as they don't abuse it.
: Don't worry, Fatebinder. Me and my crew know better than to cross you. Thanks for seeing things our way.
TheGreatEvilKing summary posted:
: Fatebinder! Help! These Scarlet Chorus jerks are trying to get a discount out of me!
: I'm working hard! I'm working on weekends! I'm protecting the city! Look at all the things the Chorus did for you, such as
: Welcome... to the Adjudication Station! Tharek, what's going on?
: Well... I'm a loyal citizen and Kyros stan...but I can't just give Kyros' army discounts, right? It would set a bad precedent!
: Would your business suffer from giving the Chorus discounts?
: Not really, but my prices are fair, aside from the occasional BFF discount we all give around here.
: Come on man! You've got the best stuff, our quartermaster constantly fucks up, and this won't hurt your business that much!
: Well, as the Overlord and her representatives regulate all trade... yes, there's now an army discount. Be sure not to abuse it!
: Thanks, Fatebinder, we'll be careful - I don't want a spike in my ass.
: Try any shit and I'll fuck you up!
Note that the Chorus integrates Beastmen into its occupation forces. Given that the Tiersmen fucking hate Beasts and murder them for food and entertainment, it's not really a surprise that the Chorus burned their shit down.
: How has the situation with the Bane been?
: What's your status here at Lethian's Crossing?
: Not a single problem here. He eyes you through a narrowed gaze. Why? What have you heard?
: Those Bronze mercenaries have been chrewing on the settlers' food and we've had to knock a few skulls. They would make good shock troopers for the Chorus. Shame they won't surrender and conscript.
: [Leave] I'll be going.
: Tier Smasher nods at you silently and waves you away.
TheGreatEvilKing summary posted:
: Screw you! Everything is just fine!
: How's the Bane?
: On one hand, fuck you for making us fight them, but thanks for helping me get that promotion!
: Anything else I should know about?
: Lies! It's all lies! Uh, there's been a very minor problem with the Bronze Brotherhood, who would be great Chorus members, but I totally dealt with it!
Eldian is not in his house, and more importantly there's nothing there worth stealing.
It's not an accident that we put the Chorus in charge and suddenly everyone needs us to sort out legal issues. What, conscript armies are shitty at occupation? Pffft!
: What seems to be the problem?
: I caught this thief pawing through my wares, but this Chorus rat won't let me report her. By all rights, she should be in chains - not conscripted into some gang. What if she comes back and decides to shake down my business, this time with the law on her side? I can't stand by and let that happen.
The Forge-Bound are sworn directly to Tunon, so I'm not sure how that even works?
: I am an enforcer of the Archon of Justice. Once invoked, my ruling is final. Are you sure this[sic] what you want?
: [To Xenia] What did Wenhaver steal?
: Why didn't you report the suspicion of theft sooner?
: She stole Forge-Bound weapons?
: Let me ask about something else.
: [To Half Scar] What makes you think Wenhaver would make a good conscript?
: Why didn't you stop Wenhaver when you discovered her crime?
: Like I said, I wanted to see how capable she was, and if she could keep up the momentum. Did pretty well for an inexperienced little shit, didn't you Wen? She aims a hard jab at the potential recruit.
: Do you make a habit of conscripting thieves?
: Let me ask about something else.
: [To Wenhaver] Why were you stealing from the Forge-Bound?
: She aims a hard glare at you, but it evens out with apprehension. I lost everything in the conquest of Haven. Family, friends, home... all that I ever got was trampled by one army, then another. Stealing was the only way to survive. And stealing from the Forge-Bound... well, you can call that justice if you want.
: Fool. The items you stole were worth ten times what you tried to sell them for.
Eh? It's not like Wenhaver put in the money to acquire them, and stealing is less laborious than smithing.
Now, you might be remembering that the law of Quota and Sharing is supposed to ensure no one goes hungry. No one mentions this, because, again, the actual purpose of the sharing law is to enforce local control over trade and enable corruption. As Tunon hides in his nice bubble and sends the Fatebinders out to do the dirty work, he never encounters realities like this. It's not like we're going to tell him, either, because Tunon was very clear that criticizing the laws gets you killed.
: Did you ever sell to the Scarlet Chorus?
: I... well, sure. I even sold to Half Scar once or twice. The Chorus aren't what you'd call disciplined.
: You bought our goods even though you knew they were stolen? Xenia looks at Half Scar.
Uh huh.
: Ever tried to get an honest job, Wenhaver?
Lady, there is literally an entire market full of merchants below you.
: Let me ask about something else.
: I've heard enough, and I'm ready to make my ruling.
We have a lot of options here.
: Wenhaver will perform menial labor to the Forge-Bound until she works off her debt, and then she will go to Half Scar for training.
TheGreatEvilKing summary posted:
: Fatebinder! Help! I am trying to put this thief in jail but the Scarlet Chorus is trying to draft her!
: Screw you! We need her for our gang, but I can promise it's gonna be brutal!
: Xenia, the lowdown, please.
: My stuff went missing for weeks, but I didn't report the theft because I thought it was another Forge-Bound stealing things. She didn't take anything super valuable, but it sucked.
: Ok, Half Scar, what's your side of the story?
: Oh, we've been watching her steal stuff to see if she'd make a good gang member, and I think she'd be pretty great!
: Ok, thief, what's up with you?
: Well, I lost everything when Kyros invaded! I tried to get a job with Xenia but she said I didn't have enough work experience! So I stole her shit and sold it to Half Scar! Ka-ching!
: Yeah, uh, you're going to work off your debt and then be drafted into the Mad Max penal legion.
:
As we don't have a reputation for running the Tiers defying Kyros Zdenya is a lot friendlier towards us.
: So this is the one who braved the Edict of Storms and laid claim to Sentinel Stand Keep. She tilts her head, considering you. You are either the most brave person on Terratus, or you have yet to realize that mortality is a quality that all living things share...
: In my years leading the Forge-Bound, I have never heard of a Fatebinder accomplishing something of such significance! It is an honor to meet someone of such distinguished deeds.
Of course, our mission here is to deliver Zdenya to Nerat to be impaled on a spike. Integrity? What's that!
: Why have you come to Lethian's Crossing?
Oh, this gets better and better. Nerat's having us act directly against Tunon as both a test of our loyalty and a trap to bind us more tightly to him. Of course, we don't have Archon's Privilege, so if this goes south we get thrown directly under the bus.
: Why did you create a helm?
: Why do the Forge-Bound stay here if the Bane are such a threat?
: Why were you asked to create this item? Couldn't any Forge-Bound here do it?
So not only was this mission ordered by Tunon, we have to kidnap the best smith in the Empire whom Tunon, second only to Kyros, keeps on retainer. This keeps getting better and better!
: How did you become Master of the Forge-Bound?
: I was trained at a young age to be a warrior but never felt any connection to that life - except when I was instructed how to repair my equipment. The fire spoke to me, it sang when I stoked it and told me where to swing my hammer to achieve the proper shape.
: I knew from that first moment that it would be my life. I apprenticed with the Forge-Bound and focused exclusively on my craft. Soon my skills were superior to everyone else. I took risks with magics no one else dared to touch and created some of the most powerful artifacts ever to come from the Forge-Bound.
: I have a request to make of you.
: Unfortunately, I don't have time to entertain your request right now, Fatebinder. I was just on my way to place the helmet. I need to get it set up as soon as possible. The settlers have created a spot on the third tier - if you don't mind, join me and Eldian and we can speak there.
We don't get a chance to move before Eldian shows up.
Damn! It's not really clear from the way Eldian says it, but he's taking a massive risk making this request of the occupation governor here.
: But enough of my prattling. You didn't come here for a history lesson or to get my opinion of your grandeur. He waves his hand dismissively at his previous comments.
: I see that you've collected the Archon of Song. He bows slightly to Sirin. You're taking her with you, yes?
: Of course, mistress. Archon. Eldian scratches at the back of his head. We always treasure your presence at the Crossing. He coughs and turns his attention to you.
: [Leave] I'll be on my way.
: Of course. I must go to the spire to make sure everything is ready. I'll meet you there when Zdenya is ready to place the artifact.
We wander over and the Helm shoots a magical green laser of glowy shit into the door below.
The game immediately railroads us into going into the Oldwalls, despite Tunon being emphatic that under no circumstances are you to go there.
: You're just going to leave it sitting there out in the open?
: Give me some credit, Fatebinder. I haven't cast the protection magics on it yet. But before I do that, someone needs to go inside the Oldwalls and ensure everything is working properly. She looks at Eldian and raises her eyebrows.
There's no way to get out of this, and logically we should be able to bring up the fact that this is super illegal and is a death sentence for everyone involved. Sure, we, uh, went in there earlier to unlock the Spire, but we didn't do it at a ceremony with all these witnesses. Oh well, lore XP I guess.
: [Lore 51] Kyros' law states that no one is allowed to enter the Oldwalls. But if no one goes inside, we will never know if the helmet is working. I will do this for you.
This is a terrible idea because it gives them kompromat.
TheGreatEvilKing summary posted:
: Damn, you're the Fatebinder who took Sentinel Stand. How do you feel about bald women?
: Why are you here?
: Oh, I thought you knew? Tunon himself sent me to build an artifact to protect the Forge-Bound from the Bane. We keep losing our people and missing production deadlines, so this hat will protect us forever.
: Why a hat?
: We make armor, not statues.
: Why you?
: As the Master of the Forge-bound, I am literally the best and Tunon himself asks me to make things.
: How'd you become the master?
: I loved smithing, so I took a bunch of risks and did experiments to make me the best smith in the Empire, something I'm sure won't bite me in the ass when I go too far.
: How do you feel about stakes?
: I gotta go, we can continue this discussion later. Come to the hat ceremony!
: Hey, Fatebinder, you're cool and all, but could you maybe get rid of the Scarlet Chorus? They fucking suck! Well, at least you're taking Sirin, praise Kyros.
: Hey!
: Uh, we enjoyed your stay, I mean. Anyway, if you don't want some juicy exposition, come to the hat ceremony!
: Hey, now that the hat ceremony is almost done, can I ask you to violate Kyros' law about the Oldwalls in front of all these witnesses?
: Wait, you're just going to let the hat sit in the open where anyone can steal it?
: Nuh uh! I'm gonna do magic and stuff! But also, we need you to do that extremely illegal thing that Tunon will personally kill you for doing in front of all these witnesses.
: This is illegal, you know. But I'll do it, because I'm pretty sure if I don't Tunon punishes me for ruining the mission. Maybe Nerat is right and all these laws really are stupid dumb bullshit.
Granted, we've been in the Oldwalls before, so whatever. It's another Catch-22 legal situation: Tunon ordered us to set up the Magebane helm, but we can't do that without going into the Oldwalls. If we don't do this we probably defy Tunon's orders, but if we go in we violate the prohibition on the Oldwalls and thinking outside the Kyrosian box.
This isn't a good sign!
The Bane break out of the traps, threatening the Crossing and subjecting us to the sheer boredom of Tyranny Combat.
Once the bane are dead Killsy mocks the hat.
Raetommon steals the hat again...
We're given the option to betray the Scarlet Chorus, but we've seen that path already, so I take the second option. It plunges us into more Tyranny Combat.
We saw all this last route.
Tier Smasher is impressed with how we 360 no scoped all of the random mercenary losers.
: Did you notice the Magebane Helm is gone?
Tier Smasher immediately runs off to speak with Eldian, once again dumping everything on the Fatebinder.
We end the update with Raetommon bragging about his idiotic plan and eating a rock to the face.
Next time: How many Bronze Brotherhood members can we personally slaughter?