Part 13: Udoiana Raunes 2: Update VIII - Open Heart Surgery Made Easy
Alright, here we are, production of Indy 4 has finally started! And apparently, it only involves Indy, Jones Sr. and a whole bunch of fucking sand so far. I guess I can dig it. Also, it seems to me like that Indy sprite has been ripped straight out of a Lucasarts Indy game. Also, to note for this upcoming segment, I didn't get all of the dialogue options because this whole thing just trucks forward and I wasn't going to go through it several times just to get some dialogue options. As expected, no matter how long the game actually is, the enthusiasm does wind down towards the end.
I can't believe it!
I won't believe it!
I think, I've been here before!
May I get a little little role please? No, you're just a fan game hero. What are you waiting for? I don't know. It's cold here.
I need a toilet. Why am I here?
Oh no! Looks like our production is falling apart before it even started! What can we do?
George, please say something! Ok, let's go! Action! Stop, I forgot my whip! But you have a whip on your trousers, Harrison! This one is not working, it's just decoration. It's sewed on the trousers. That's a problem.Of course, we have exactly the solution for that problem! It's not quite the same, but...
>Give whip to Indiana Jones
It's an original Udy whip (TM)... from Taiwan. Great! Let's go on! Everybody ready? Scene 3... Take 7... ACTION!How the hell did we get to scene 3 and take 7 already?
Well, look who's here too!
I'm so grateful for that chance. You're welcome. HarHar!
Music - Mola Ram: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLF9yLng5MU
Uh oh.
I've waited for more than twenty years. When I fell from the bridge in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" I swore revenge! Now I get my revenge! I thought you're just a fan! Udoiana, you stupid fan game hero. Do you really think, a real fan would really kill himself for a movie? Be realistic! I've used you for my dark plan to get my revenge! Steven, is Mola Ram in the movie? George? Is Mola Ram in the script? No, he isn't. Harrison, he's not in the movie! Mola Ram, you are not in the movie! Don't you see me? I AM in the movie!OK, hold on, I'm getting confused. So we're acknowledging Indiana Jones as a movie series with actors and stuff, but the villain from one of the movies is out seeking revenge as if he was an actual person? Alright, sure, I guess, let's just go with it.
But you fell off the bridge! But there was a river down there! HarHar! But there were crocodiles in there and they ate you! That's wrong! I ate them! HarHar! Don't you remember the camera angle? You just see the crocodiles and my red clothes, not me. The truth was, the crocodiles were screaming of fear! Ok, Mola Ram, what do you want?
OH GOD.
Your HEART, Indiana!
Oh no, ah ugh! HarHar! He's got the heart of Indiana Jones! That's not in the screenplay! I can't see that! My heart, my heart! I can't feel anything! I'm dying! Steven, help me! George, do something! Sean, do something! Udy, do something!
Well, shit. So apparently, Mola Ram's plan for revenge is just straight up tearing Indy's heart out (insert joke about the fourth movie lacking heart here) and holding it up in the air, and then... something, I guess. And it's our job to fix things. I guess we have enough time to just look around and talk to everybody, Indy doesn't seem like he's bleeding out or anything.
>Look at Indy's heart (TM)
It's still pumping! I should do something!>Look at Mola Ram
This is Mola Ram, the radical religious heart-ripper from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. His face got a little damaged by the crocodiles. (The fan was really ugly, too!)>Talk to George Lucas
George, is Mola Ram in the screenplay? I didn't read it. I don't know. But it was great. George, do something! Steven, do something!>Talk to Steven Spielberg
Please direct Mola to go away! Mola, go away! ACTION! Harharhar! Steven, do something! George, do something!>Talk to Indiana Jones
You look strange, Indy. OR I know a very good hospital in Djerba! OR Don't be heartless. Aaaahhhhh!>Talk to Dr. Henry Jones Sr.
Sean, do something! I'm the oldest man here on the set with a broken leg. What shall I do? You are the father! Take care of your son! My role in the Indiana Jones movies is to play an addlebrained bookworm-professor. I'm simply not able to help anyhow!>Talk to Mola Ram
Mola, how does this trick with ripping hearts work? It's quite simple: Read a lot of books, meditate in India, be evil, and just do it! Give Indy's heart back! Never ever! I need it! Fan, I trusted you! And now you do this! Raunes, I used you! You stupid little fan game hero! Fan, you just don't look like Mola in the movie. The original actor was too old. I had to change my face.This just confuses me even more. So, how can we possibly solve this incredible problem? Could the tons of inventory items we have play into this?
>Pick up Indy's heart (TM)
>Use Indy's heart (TM) with Indiana Jones
Oh, OK then. And that was the last "puzzle" of the game. Every other inventory item we have is completely pointless. Which has to make at least a dozen of completely useless inventory clutter, most of which was thrown into your face at the end to make for a cheap punchline of "look at us reuse assets even more". Meh.
You saved me! Then I get your heart!
Mola, you idiot! This was the heart of the leading actor! HarHar! Yes! And?! And when the leading actor is dead, the game is over! HarHar! And now you'll never get your revenge!
Huh? Oh my god! Nooooooooooooo......
Music - Credits: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGyKvswHJOw
And that's how Udoiana Raunes ends. He gets his heart torn out by Mola Ram, the game ends because its main character has just died, and that's that, that's the end of the series. And the last thing we did was just take Indy's heart and shove it straight back into him. Works for me, I guess. Now, on to the credits.
Credits
Story
Stefan Zwanzger
Thomas Wagner
Graphics
Stefan Zwanzger
Programming
Thomas Wagner
Music
Veit Winkler
original Udoiana Raunes idea
Stefan Zwanzger
Indiana Jones and Star Wars are registered trademarks of Paramount Pictures, 20th Century Fox and Lucasfilm, Ltd. We owe them many thanks for doing those great movies.
Special Thanks to
Udo Rau
Clemens Hochreiter
Martin Klemrath
Judith Wolf
Roland Koch
Sonja Jatzkowski
Jeanna Fine
Walt Disney
Matthias Bermuth
Katharina Wagner
Gunar Winkler
Jessica Franz
Kantorei Graz
Das Prepri
Gilles from TheRaider.Net
Aaron from TheIndyExperience.Com
Guybrush Threepwood
all alligators in the world
and of course our hero
Udoiana Raunes!
Beta Testers
Aaron Gantt
Ville-Pekka Reponen
Martin Klemrath
During the creation of this game no single animal was killed or even hurt! Especially not squirrels and frogs.
The characters in this game are absolutely not invented! They are based on real persons.
(c) april 2005 by Stefan Zwanzger & Thomas Wagner
http://www.raunes.com
http://www.zwanzger.com
http://www.wagnerthomas.de
http://www.veitwinkler.de
Hey, none of those websites are dead! Big step up from Unterwegs in Düsterburg. Though two of them only link to LinkedIn pages these days and one is only a login page for a webmailer. Then, after the credits...
How the production of this game started...
Stefan
I can't believe it! They pushed back Indy4 again!
Tom
Do you remember our old story idea?
Stefan
Udy's mission to make Indy4 a reality?
Tom
Yes, but I've so much to do. I just can't do Udoiana Raunes 3 now.
Stefan
Me too. Furthermore it's totally ridiculous to create a rough-pixeled game in 2005!
Tom
That's true. And I don't know where the old source-code is.
Stefan
That's bad. And I've not drawn any graphics for six years. I'm the worst artist you can find. ... Let's do it!
Tom
Ok. But only if we finish it till tomorrow morning.
Stefan
Alright, let's go. Last time we only needed three weeks to create the first game out of nothing.
At this time those stupid guys didn't know that they would waste a couple of weeks for this non-profit non-sense fan game.
And finally, a bit of a character roll-call:
Mola Ram
I will return and get my revenge! Harharharharhar!
Frog King
And I sat for 3 hours, 18 minutes and 13 seconds next to you and had no idea who you were! Quooaaak!
And yes, the number actually goes up as it scrolls across the screen.
George Lucas
Incredible! A fan game made Indy4 happen!
Indiana Jones
Mola, you will never get your revenge!
You won't get a role in the Indy4 movie.
Henry Jones, Sr.
My leg hurts!
Polish Victor
I can't believe I found you, Sonja!
Blonde Sonja
Our love brought us together. I will never leave you again. But can we please leave this dangeous position?
R2D2
Will I ever get out of this costume?
Star Wars fan
R2D2? You can talk? Where can I buy tickets for the green screen Star Wars movie?
Squirrel
Can I get a ticket, too?
Shop window
I sell movie tickets, too! And of course burned DVDs.
Native American
Burned DVDs are wrong! You are not allowed to pass!
Sean Connery
I will never pass terrace edges again.
Screenwriter Jeffrey
George, may we leave the dungeon now with Indy4 in production?
Screenwriter Jeb
I need sunglasses when I get out here. I haven't seen the sun for 12 years!
Screenwriter Jeff
And I need a walking stick. I haven't moved for 12 years.
George
Don't move! We need an excellent script for Indy5!
Jeffrey, Jeb and Jeff
Nooooo!!!!
Udoiana Raunes
Will I have to do another Udoiana Raunes game before the production can start? I'm too dead to do that.
Steven Spielberg
We'll see. I have to check this with my PDA.
Stefan Zwanzger
I will never do an Udy game again!
Veit Winkler
And I will never do a 22kHz / 8bit production again!
Thomas Wagner
Ok, let's come to an end. Stefan, never again sit on chocolate easter eggs when we work together!
If you have comments on this game please write us an E-Mail to udoiana *AT* raunes.com
We hope you enjoyed the game. Bye, bye!
(c) april 2005 by Stefan Zwanzger & Thomas Wagner
And that's it! That's the end of the Udoiana Raunes saga! So, I guess for some closing thoughts, what did I actually think of these games? Well, to say I liked them might be a bit strong, as harsh as that sounds. I find them interesting, that's for sure, but I find many things interesting, and taking that as a mark of quality is the wrong way of going at it. I mean, I'm not a fan of point-and-clicks to start with, so that's not helping, but as it stands, the game didn't really have any engaging puzzles, the writing was more strikeout than home run (though then again pretty much every great power hitter has more strikeouts than home runs, like Barry Bonds, Babe Ruth and so on, and this works because a home run is a lot more good than a strikeout is bad... FUCK, ABORT METAPHOR), the graphics were alright, I guess, it's kind of hard to tell at this point whether this was good enough for the time or not...
...but at the end of the day, this doesn't really matter, because these are Indiana Jones fangames made by two guys largely for shits and giggles and based around the basic premise of "well, our teacher kind of looks like Indiana Jones and we liked the Lucasarts Indiana Jones games, we can make something work with this". This game was never made to appeal to me, and I can respect that. And really, I only did this LP because I figured that if I wasn't doing it, nobody else was going to, and this game still doesn't deserve to die an undignified death like that, with one Youtube video to its name that never gets out of the first room. So there we go, there's Udoiana Raunes in all his glory. Kind of dodgy humor, kind of dodgy puzzles, kind of dodgy writing and game design in general, but there's still an odd appeal to these games. This is what I expect when I get into a "fan game", a whole bunch of amateur-looking and feeling stuff that seems like it's copying more successful things because usually, the fans making the game are all amateurs at this stuff, and they create based on what they're fans of. There's a pure, distilled "labor of love" feel to it that you just can't get from larger projects, and I think that's why Udy will always have a little room inside my heart.
I hope everybody out there enjoyed this romp through two incredibly obscure games - there wasn't a lot of activity in the thread, but I think I'm kind of used to that by now, I have a talent for picking rather obscure crap that doesn't do much to draw the viewer in beyond a "well this looks fucking goofy, let's see where this goes" or a "I'm part of the sub-1% that even heard of this game to begin with", and it didn't help that I didn't really have a lot to say about the game since it wasn't a beloved childhood gem or something I combed through from top to bottom, and for a lot of the game, it did a fairly good job of talking for itself. To those of you that stuck around to the end, here's to you, and I hope to see you on board for my next project, whenever that may come to a LP subforum near you! Thanks for reading!
LET'S PLAY THE UDOIANA RAUNES SERIES - THE END