Part 52: Chapter 6, Part 2

Yew is what happens when you try to create a game like Oblivion while 3D graphics cards are still a "future possibility."




: What do you know about it?
: The murder trial!
: Murder, huh?
: Yes! Apparently some pirate woman named...

Oh boy, here we go.

: ...Rachel slaughtered a bunch of children in Britain! Can you believe that? She's going to burn for sure.

Oh. Whew. For a second there I thought Raven's child-slaughtering habits had finally done her in.

: Do you believe this woman will be dealt with fairly?
: Well this is the city of justice, that's what we do here. Still, there are some people who will sue over anything.
: By the stars, I myself am being sued!
: By whom?
: A fellow in town lost his house to a fire. He claims that the fire was started by a torch that he bought from me.
: I think that is ridiculous! How can I be responsible for a torch after it leaves my shop? The blasted thing is supposed to burn!
: But I'm not worried you see, because I'm going to sue the guy that's suing me!
: You're going to sue him?
: Yes, for hurting my business with his frivolous lawsuit!


Hey I know, I should have sued EA for selling me this game.




The tavern is usually a pretty good place to stop for information in most video games.




: Don't they serve drinks here?
: Only if you sign some damned release form! Me, I don't sign no such papers just to get myself a drink. No wonder the owner of this place was thrown in jail.
: He's got to be guilty of something! I hope that he and that pirate gal get what's coming to them.
: What do you know of the pirate?
: I know that she's a pirate and that she's gonna get hung. That's what we do to pirates in the city of justice!
: Right. Well, goodbye.

This asshole doesn't know anything either. Let's try the bowyer.




: Look, if you've come to buy a bow, I can assure you that they work very well. Please don't listen to what is being said about my products.
: What's being said about your products?
: Oh, lately people have charged me for misrepresentation, claiming that my archery tackle is defective because they can't hit their targets.
: I swear, I test everything that I make and they work.
: Now I'm being dragged into court because someone else can't hit the broad side of the court house.
: People in this town are going crazy over court cases. Look at what's going on with this murder trial.
: And then there are all of the lawsuits. People are getting thrown into jail left and right over frivolous lawsuits.
: What about the murder trial?
: Everyone is going nuts over this Raven woman who supposedly murdered all of the gargoyles, and they don't have any proof!

...Oh. Well, fuck.

: She's going to be found guilty. It's a real shame because I don't think that she did it.

I'll be damned if we're going to let Raven take credit for murdering those hideous monsters!






: Your Honor, I swear to you... I am innocent!
: That will do.
: But, Sir...
: I said that will do! As I was saying, it has been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jean-Paul, being the tavern keeper, did purposely and with malicious intent allow one of his patrons to become intoxicated with ale.
: The defendant did not effectively warn the plaintiff that the plaintiff could, under the influence of the defendant's ale, act recklessly and without thought to personal injury.
: But, your Honor...
: That will be enough! I find the tavern keeper's actions unconscionable. I find the defendant guilty as charged!

I don't understand. This is a civil suit.

: Jean-Paul, keeper of the tavern of Yew, I sentence you to prison to await your fate: death by fire.
: No, it can't be!
: Ah, but it is.








: Very well, who stands accused, and what are the charges?




: To state specifically that she knowingly and intentionally brought down the glorious dome that protected the city of Ambrosia, to drown the inhabitants of the proud Gargoyle city.
: To further state that to insure the death of the Gargoyle race, Raven did then kill the Gargoyle Queen, thus making the reproduction of Gargoyles impossible.
: To finally state her most heinous crime, to insure the destruction of future generations of Gargoyles, this Raven did destroy the egg nest.
: To state that Raven is guilty of all of these crimes and of the destruction of a proud race.

Proud? He has no idea. Apparently.

: Defendant, you are charged with the crime of genocide; the willful destruction of an entire race. How do you plead?

: Wait a minute, your honor, I have something to say!
: Silence! I will not tolerate such outbursts in my court!
: But I did it!
: I said silence!
: But there was reward money.

: Now, how does the defendant plead?
: Does it really matter how I plead?
: The defendant will respect this court and enter her plea or she will be harshly punished!
: Fine, let's get this over with: I plead guilty.
: No! Your honor, she didn't do any of those things. I did them!
: I told you to be quiet! She's obviously guilty. She just said that she is.
: One more word from you and you will be held in contempt, the punishment for which is death at the stake. Now be quiet!



: Raven, this court finds you guilty of the crime of genocide. You are to be burned at the stake until you are dead.
: You are to be transported to the prison Wrong immediately until such time as your sentence is carried out. Do you have any final words?
: Yeah, piss on your 'justice'.
: Very well, you've made it easy on this court to order your death. Bailiff, take her away.