Part 67: Chapter 7, Part 5

Dungeon Covetous: Complete solution (Part 2)


Okay. The goddamn lift is broken.




We go up to the machine room to investigate.




Oh.


There is a book on the floor.




It tells us what I can only wish were lies.


Time for another wonderful adventure!




Speaking of adventure, this reminds me of a story from the olden days.




My cousin Mark and I were walking down a path in the woods when we stumbled upon a hobo.




So then my cousin Mark turned to me and said, "I bet you can't spank the monkey!", he said.




You see, "spank the monkey" didn't mean what it does now! Back in those days we used to call that "turning the crank", after the fashion of the catholic priests who were trying to make the act less comfortable.




Eventually some boys sued the church after they suffered ligament damage and needed emergency bloodletting. This is where we got the saying "flaying the minister".




Anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah, spanking the monkey. So I says, "I bet I can. How much?" and he says to me "I bet three barleycorns!" which was the same as three nickels.




You see, they were called barleycorns because we couldn't afford metal, so all of our coins were made out of pressed barleymeal.




Nickels lost most of their flavor after they changed hands two or three times, but a little sugar fixed them right up.




So anyway. I says, "I bet I can", and then I go up to spank the monkey.




In those days hobos were called monkeys because they were running north to escape the war, which was the style of young men in those days.




So I walked up to the hobo and says, "Hey, monkey, get out of my town!"




And I grabbed the hobo by the collar and the belt and I tossed him right out of town.




So then Mark says to me, he says, "That was some fine turkeypunting".




You see, ever since turkeypunting became a sport in aught-four they changed the name to hobo tossing because it was often confused with the lesser sport of chickenkicking.




So then I said to Mark, "Give me those barleycorns or I'll beat you with a sack of sponges, I will," because sponges were the cheapest fruit available to us at the time.




The next thing I know I'm sucked into the engine of a passing jet airliner and Mark assumes my identity.