Part 9: The Black Gate - I Despise This Place, Ha Ha, No Really I Swear It Should Be Shame, Right?
I Despise This Place, Ha Ha, No Really I Swear It Should Be Shame, Right?
In order to further torment Steve, we're going to adventure in this dungeon which I thought was Shame but Shamino swears is Despise and quite frankly I no longer even care. There's some neat shit in here (besides the carpet, of course).
"Ow! I wasn't even standing near that thing!"
"Oh God, who puts these things here!?"
"A switch!" "Wow, is that your amazing Shamino sense?" "No, I... just saw it."
"Try flipping it, he'll probably report to us that he hears the door two feet away opening." "I will not! ...hey, is that- ohhhhhh, you guys almost got me."
The switch room is full of ghosts and skeletons and dead bodies with nothing on them. I guess it was somebody's idea of a joke.
"BLARGHHHHH! Oh no!"
"That was uncanny." "What the hell are you guys going on about? There's a little splotch of blood and some urban decay. We see and cause that stuff all the time." "Oh, it wasn't that..." "I just think that gremlin corpse that turned into a whole turkey didn't quite agree with us."
My favorite RATT song. Actually the only RATT song I've ever heard of. Is it RATT or Ratt? Does anyone still care? I don't even think the people in that band still care.
I'll spare you all the rigamarole and bring us to this point, which is where we want to be. There's a path to the west we'll ignore for now; because where there's a magically-locked door... well, let's just let Steve explain this.
"Where there's a magically-locked door, there's always good loot! Or Nicodemus." "I'm pretty sure Nicodemus doesn't live here." "Then your deduction concludes?" "There's treasure?" "Indeed. Now, I will cast..."
"...nothing, because I need a nap." "I'm still poisoned." "Wah wah, little baby can't handle taking one damage every seventeen hours. See you dorks in eight."
"Oh come on."Two more doors later...
We stumble into the lair of a wizard or something. There is a wizard here, but you can't see him because he's inexplicably exploding himself just to damage Steve.
It's much easier to see him when Shamino is done blowing his brains out.
The loot includes some reagents and potions, a couple of wands, and a potion or two.
"This is lame." "I hear something above us!" "Wait a second, there really is something above us! There's a hole in the ceiling!" "More than that..."
"Invisible stairs!"Okay, so it's not exactly a cheat, but it's easy to miss the secret stairs, and in the process, a huge amount of loot.
The guys sitting at the table (a paladin, a warrior, a rogue, and a mage) seem pretty ordinary but rush you for no clear reason should you bumble in like this. So let's not do that, because I'm trying not to solve all problems by just leveling up and casting Mass Death.
"Spark, I've got an idea. We're going to serve them." "I don't think giving them dinner from our food stocks is going to calm them down." "Oh, I didn't say we were serving them food."
"...did you guys order a few kegs? I don't think these are the right kegs."
"No, they're the right kegs." "Wait, who are you?" "Tee-hee!"
Killing the rogue is by far the most important thing to do here. The Paladin is hard to kill but doesn't do much damage, and the warrior goes down very easy due to mediocre armor. The mage can do area damage, but the rogue is a bitch. He has a magic bow and magic arrows, which does a ton of damage, and he's very accurate.
"This is what I came to see!"Indeed it is. Let's just go through the motions here: A pack full of potions and reagents, including two black (invisibility). A chest with a Sword of Defense and a Fire AND Lightning Wand. A full suit of Magic Armor (minus shield) plus Magic Sword. A Fire Sword. A Magic Bow and Magic Arrows. And we're not even done yet.
"Now that we have a second suit of Magic Armor, it's up to me to determine who will best use it." "Ooooooh! Me! Me! Pick me! Avatar, me! Pick me!" "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Spark." "Yippee!"
Good luck with that one, buddy.
Something that's not so obvious: This little keep actually overlooks the fields of Britain and is a stone's throw from Lord British's castle. You can see this building if you walk up to the mountains, or fly over them on the carpet. You can't get in or out this way, though.
Remember how I said we aren't done? This part of the dungeon used to belong to the mage, Selwyn. If we approach the mirror in the corner...
...jackpot! A teleport annex! One of the mirrors is broken though. Oh well.
Before we go, heading north for a whip (I think it might be a Lightning Whip but I can't tell; the graphic for it is much clearer in Serpent Isle) and another Sword of Defense. Invisible walls prevent me from going to that other teleporter or using that door, which is locked to a specific key I may or may not have picked up.
Taking one of the other mirrors puts us in Selwyn's tower. I'm not sure why everyone is swinging/firing their weapons, there aren't any monsters in here.
See? Selwyn's tower.
"Ohhhhhhh baby."Selwyn's stash is nearly as good: A buttload of magic rings, reagents, more wands, and a firedoom staff on the floor. The Firedoom Staff fires explosive bolts and is a powerful, if rather dangerous weapon. Truth be told, since it can cause friendly fire it's probably not worth using despite its decent damage. We'll shortly get a weapon as good as it is with no friendly fire, and then after that a weapon vastly better in every way. But it's loot, dammit.
Now to get out of here. There's no way back that I'm aware of, although it may be possible to teleport back. Either way, we want to open the secret wall on the fourth floor, so we can get back here if we want. This wouldn't make an awful base, but it's a bit... small.
Anyway the lever is hidden here, very hard to see.
Okay, all the way back to the magically locked door hallway. Remember how it split off to the west? At the end of all that, a room full of fire fields...
...then a hallway flanked by sleep and poison fields...
A mysterious red moongate that teleports me back into the fire field room stands in the way.
Gosh, what is that strange spherical thing? I'm sure it's got nothing to do with the plot! And I'm sure we'll never be back!