Part 3: Chapter Three: Ectoplasm and Entomology.

Chapter Three: Ectoplasm and Entomology.
Sensing that the ruby is too good to be true, we leave it. This is frustrating, so I take it out on the mirror.


I feel better now.

We're done upstairs now, so let's pay a visit to our old friend. SUCK GHOST REPELLANT ECTO-BITCH!




She let's out a horrifying scream as she begins to melt away!!
Hell yeah! Bitch had it coming! We're free to check out the rooms in this hallway now, so let's try the first one on the left.


Cool! A gramophone! Let's hear some tunes!



That didn't sound good.


You can't make me, you're not my mom! You're just the narrator, I'm in charge here!

There's not much else to do in here for now, so let's check the room on the right.


You could throw a terrific birthday bash in this room.
I hear vengeful spirits can party pretty hard.



After filling up on more junk, we head to the room in the back.


Where in the world could this awful chill be coming from?
Pretty boring room. All that was readily available for theft was the ink blotter. Oh well, let's check the table.


Sweet! What kind of card? A key card? A credit card?


Copper ----- 29
Silver ----- 47
Gold ----- 79
Mercury ----- 80
Lead ----- 82
Uranium ----- 92

Oh, the cheat sheet for some guy's chemistry exam. What's in that door?


Oh well, the door on the left side on the dining room is next.


Could there be anything to eat here?
Food!







And, more importantly,




Let's try the room on the right.


You probably don't want to see fifty screenshots of me stealing all this stuff, so here's a rundown of our haul.

1 broken kitchen thermometer (yay)
1 box of matches
1 jar of salt
1 rotten salami (I KNEW THERE WOULD BE FOOD!)
1 bag of flour
1 spatula
1 plate
1 dish
and one partridge in a pear tree.

Ok, now let's head to the room to the left of the kitchen.

The lack of dust tells you that this is a servant's room.
They keep their room clean FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!! Let's see what we can find.





Wonder what kind of cologne this is.


So it makes you smell like damp hay and horse shit? I'll have to sell this to Calvin Klein when I get out of here.


It was pretty barren in here. Maybe if I turn on a light I'll see something I missed.


Alright! Hidden safes behind pictures always have the best stuff!


Aw man, I used all my ghost repellant on the LAST one...
This is my room. Who let you in here?!! Dracan must have sent you!! You cannot have it. You cannot have my precious!! I have hidden it!! No, you must leave. Leave me and my precious alone. Yes, all alone...
From the way this guy is talking, you'd think he was guarding a ring instead of a book. Well, the only way through this guy is with our fists! Hiya!!!


Did we... did we do it?



Oh.

Well then, I guess the only way to win here is to do what seems natural. RUN! Or rather, make a "tactical retreat" until we get the items necessary to deal with him, which we will do now. This brings me to the second most assholeish thing the game designers did. Number three was the ruby, number one will come later. To solve this one, we have to head back to the hallway that formerly held miss O'Hara and enter the first room on the right.


There isn't much to do here so we continue forward (after pinching that vase in the corner, that is).



Come to think of it, what was that mysterious "spray" we picked up upstairs for?


Knocks out arachnids and has been proven effective by leading entomologists.
Cool. We spray some on the railing, leave and then come back.



We've degenerated to stealing insects now. This is a whole new low. Anyway, now that we're armed, we head back to the servants room.


The ghost shrieks at the sight of the stunned spider. Flustered and frightened, the spirit dissolves from view.

Ugh, this is one of the silliest parts of the game. NOWHERE does it tell you that the servant is afraid of spiders. I only solved this on my first playthrough by using literally all of my items on him until it worked. Well, enough ranting. Time for the loot!


All that for the guys diary? Ugh, might as well read the stupid thing.


He is an evil soul. Unlike the master, he uses his power for amusement and profit. He is not concerned with spiritual enlightenment. There is no compassion with his power. I grow weak. I am dying. I have hidden the star in master's special box. It never opens, it has no locks. Dracan's star never discerns. In fire it freezes. In ice it burns.

This all sounds very mysterious. I'm sure glad I'm not involved.

To continue now, I have to head through the game room. When I do...




You think you see a somewhat cute, abstract creature with a key in it's had prance by.
The fumes from the spider cider must be getting to me. Anyway, we head to the room straight ahead now.



Our hero might be a klepto and a psychotic vandal, but he is VERY concerned about animal rights. Full of indignant rage at this injustice, we steal their cage.


But that isn't enough! So we return to the foyer for some troublemaking.


Clearly the animal gods have blessed me for this act of vengeance by giving me a key. Time to return upstairs!


And again we read.


Together they form a key.
The second one isn't much better


It is guarded by 'He who moves as the moon.'
Thank you. That was very... cryptic. The box in the closet is not unlike the packages that Gamecube peripherals were in, in that they are both impossible to open with any normal tools. I decide to use the same technique I employ on those here. Back to the foyer!







It worked! Vengeance served, we continue on.


But not before looting this closet as well. What a weird item. On a whim, I try out one of my magic spells.


That has GOT to be the worst name for a magic spell ever.


Talk to my pious brother. He can help you find your sister. A word from him can open doors in high places.

This little exchange teaches us a new spell.


I take back what I said about Dolldoll...

On my way through the MURDER ROOM I notice something. Are those rifles on the wall?

Crap. I was hoping to go all Doom on these fuckers. Well, let's continue.


In the distance you can see three buildings. You should leave what you don't need here.
This is where we ditch stuff we don't want. We won't be using this. Let's try the middle building.


I hope we don't get mauled by evil plants.


Good.
One of the pots is empty. So, we grab the watering can and pray that whatever grows won't eat us.


So far so good... Let's keep it up.


Wow! It's still not evil. We had to step outside to get more water. When we return...


That little demon guy tears through the place. He needs to chill.
Ok, the plant hasn't killed us yet, so well respond in kind by giving it more water.


Woo! Fruit! Now I can finally sit down to lunch.






Dammit! I knew the stupid plant would kill me! I guess I can't have lunch after all. But I can have something to drink! Of all the stuff I've picked up, bottle 1 looks the tastiest so we'll try that.



It must be some kinda almond flavored booze! Let's take another swig!



This is some good shit!



This death has a lesson!

Which we will completely ignore by drinking bottle 2 instead.





Well that didn't work out much better. It turns out that everything in the house is poisonous. Ah well.