Part 7: Update VII - Let's Do The Time Warp Again

Update VII - Let's Do The Time Warp Again



So, the last time, we made fucking bank, but a bunch of money isn't worth anything if we can't spend it on stuff, so that's what we'll be doing.



But first, before we leave, the other people watching the races have taken note of Michelangelo's revival:

Unbelievable - Michelangelo turned into a real winner.
What's the deal with Donatello? He keeps getting beat by Michelangelo...
I'm rich now - little Michelangelo wins almost every time now. But it seems he gained some weight recently...

Strangely enough, the odds will never change - I guess giving us a consistent source of money is pretty nice, but I would have accepted if it only was that way during your first visit after doping Michelangelo, and after that they're all "Michelangelo keeps winning, so odds for him are now 1.5 to 1" or something like that.



Greetings, ladies and gentlemen. Take a look at my fruits - they're from Königsberg and only grow on special trees.



Now, this is rather expensive, but it's well worth it. For now, we just buy a whole bunch of these magic fruits, we'll go over them when I actually use them. Next stop, Rank's weapon shop!



We also binge on weapons and armor (with one exception, that being Grandy's weapons, because something better is coming up), and as you can see, we're now short roughly 75K bucks, but it was worth it, because the next fights are going to be a hell of a lot easier with this new top tier equipment.



Now, how about those fruits? They're the stat boosters for this game, and they're quite helpful. The boosts go as follows:

Apples boost your HP.
Pears boost your MP.
Bananas boost your attack power.
Pineapples boost your defense.
Walnuts boost your magic power.
Coconuts boost your speed.

I ended up getting seven of everything except pears, of which I got five, forgetting that I already had an apple from that evil tree we killed back in the Marches. Two of everything except pears for Grandy (since he doesn't have MP), two of everything for Libra, one of everything for Dankwart, and two of everything in reserve. Foreshadowing!



After using up most of our fruits and getting equipped, it's now time to head to the first of three new locations we'll be exploring today:



The hospital! Or rather, the sanatorium. Because let's face it, if you had to live with a solar eclipse for decades, you'd probably have a few nuts loose yourself.



Can I help you?
We would like to enter the sanatorium!
Do you have a specific reason for that?
1) We just wanted to look around. 2) No reason, really.

Umm... OK then, I guess I'm going with the first.

Sorry, but out of respect for the patients, visitations are not allowed.
Well... actually... 1) we're scientists! 2) we're looking for a job.

SCIENCE is always the answer!

We came from the faraway Königsberg to study mental illnesses, and this seems to be the best place to do that.
I am G.R. Yong, and these are my colleagues...
...Dinkwurt Leid...
...and Elibrabeth Tonner-Gaul.
Well, with names like that, you can only be scientists... come in and talk to Alfons Einbein.

I wonder if any of those names are references to actual scientists. Apart from Alfons Einbein, that is, that one's obvious.



Now that we're inside, we can see six different nutcases walking about. Let's start with the one on the top left and then just move around. You can mostly tell who's who by matching the sprites with the portraits.

Hey you, come over here!
*barking noises*
Alright, Fifi, carry on!

Hello, you're new here. I'm Helmine, the keeper...
Are you some kind of nurse?
Nurse?! We don't need any nurses here!
Umm... I thought this was a sanatorium...
How could you possibly get that idea? A sanatorium in the middle of the forest? I'm the keeper of this forest!
What forest? All I'm seeing is walls and barred windows!
Oh my... you're pretty crazy, boy! Take a trip to the eye doctor!

Hello, miss, could you please come to the door?
Guard! Come quickly! The prisoners are escaping!
Umm, I think you're a bit confused...
Wait, I'll prepare a fiery end for these fiends!
Wait a moment!

And then we catch a flame to the face. I don't think it actually hurts us, though.

Watch out, pal! She may be insane, but her fireballs are real!

The past turns around the future and the chaos around the nothing!
Pardon me, but I'm just an uneducated fighter. This is a bit too complicated for me...
The fly turns around the cutlet and the millwheel around the axle!
Oh, I see... why didn't you just say you're crazy?

Hey there! Bow before the mighty inquisition!
You're an inquisitor? Then you should head outside, I bet you can find a lot of work there!
Silence, worm! And now talk before I use the thumb screws on you!
You'll have to decide, talk or be quiet...
Don't mock me, you maggot, or I'll have your tongue cut out!
Oh, you know, this is starting to get too silly for my tastes.
Stay here, you miserable runt! The iron maiden awaits you! I have the power, the power, THE POWEEERR!!!

I think you need to say something else for that saying to work.

Hey, you, come over to the door!
I BRUUS LI! I TIGER CLAW! I FIGHT! YOU DIE! HIIIYA!



...this place is weird. I guess that comes with the territory, but still. Let's talk to the only important (and sane) person we can talk to right now, instead.



Greetings, dear guests. I am Dr. Alfons Einbein, head of this sanatorium. How can I help you?
Tell us about this city.
Sadly, I only rarely venture outside this building, as my work takes up most of my time. But I don't like what I see outside one bit. The constant darkness is laying heavily on the minds of the people. Add to that the very little known side effects of a solar eclipse, and there's much to be done for a man like me.
What kind of sanatorium is this?
This used to be a regular hospital, but since Wahnfried's takeover, things have changed. More and more people were brought in that just couldn't cope with the life outside these walls. Their psychological pain displayed itself in many different kinds of mental confusion... to survive in this terrible town, they have fully retreated into their own fantasy world. I have made it my task to give these poor confused people a home. A cure is not possible in most cases, and I doubt that it even would be helpful...
Why not?
If these poor people were to be let back outside, they would be overwhelmed by the terrifying reality. I have no idea how they would react - maybe suicide, maybe they'd fall right back into the illness.
Tell us about your patients.
We have a fascinating spectrum of mental illnesses here for those interested in the subject matter. There are harmless cases like the green-haired Helminia, who believes she's always in the great outdoors, on grassy lawns and in green forests. Or the young Tarius, who has completely withdrawn from his surroundings and only lives for his music...
And the less harmless cases?
There we for instance have the young Bruus, who believes he's a fighting machine and also wants to show that to everybody that comes too close. Or the former ranger Lirian Federschwinge: She's suffering from the classic form of lycanthropy... she believes she turns into a werewolf under a full moon. Under normal circumstances, that would mean we could let her walk about freely most of the time... but thanks to this accursed eclipse we've got a full moon around the clock!
Dr. Einbein continues to give you a lecture about all sorts of mental abnormalities for an entire hour. He talks about multiple personalities, about paranoid compulsions, and also about the peculiarities of schizophrenia...
Phew... now that was a huge load of knowledge, doctor!

That's all for the sanatorium for now - we can't go downstairs just yet, and we can only advance the plotline related to this place the next time we come here.



Grandy, I got this really weird feeling again as Einbein mentioned the name of that boy, Tarius...
Well... I didn't think that the name was that terrible...
I meant that the name was familiar to me, Grandy!
Alright then... maybe we'll find some other way to get to know him.

We will, but not now. For nowe, we have something else to do...



...we have to go and report a crime!



Greetings. You're not from here, aren't you? What can I do for you?
I want to... 1) report a crime! 2) speak to the chief! 3) speak to a prisoner! 4) just look around a bit.

Crime it is!

So, so... then tell me about it!
1) I want to report myself! 2) Regarding that turtle-thing. 3) Elvys hit me! 4) Sorry, I misspoke...

As entertaining as the third one sounds, the one we want right now is the first one.

I'm a poor, remorseful sinner! Please don't arrest me!
Hmm... sounds interesting. So what did you do?
1) Beat up poor innocent monsters! 2) Stole some money! 3) Actually, nothing!

First option once again.

So, so... and what monsters did you beat up?
1) Cute killer rabbits! 2) Innocent orcs! 3) A poor, rotting dragon! 4) Rattling boneheads!

Well, I doubt they'd care about what we did in the Marches or the Wastelands, so let's go with the boneheads.

That sounds like a criminal offense! What kind of boneheads?
The poor guys that have to man the battlements!
I wouldn't have thought you guys had it in you, considering the way you look... anyway, that calls for the death penalty! I'll have to arrest you.
Death penalty?

Whoops. Suddenly, we find ourselves in a prison cell I forgot to take a screenshot of, so just imagine one until you can see what it looks like in the next shot.

Death penalty! What were you thinking, Grandy?
Calm down, dear Libra. I'm sure our Grandy has good reasons for doing what he did.
Right?
What are you looking at me for? Free food and shelter - isn't that at least something?

Well, the reason we're in here is actually a bit less obvious than that...



This wall looks porous... I could use my pickax here.



And presto, an exit reveals itself!

Slippery stairs lead down into the darkness... 1) Climb down! 2) Stay here...

For now, we want to head down for a bit.



As you can tell, we're now in the sewers of Düsterburg. However, we don't have any real business here just yet, and we can just head right back up, because...



...the chief of the guard is here for us, and it's not for the reason you might expect!

I am Tharand Al'Rhun - commander of the guard of Düsterburg. Can you tell me why you reported yourselves? We checked your accounts... but even if you took apart some of those boneheads, I can't really be mad at you... I can't stand those guys either! But that doesn't matter... what does matter is that we can't prove your claims! The fact that you reported yourself clearly proves you're not of sound mind, and as such, your accounts can't be used in a court of law, so to save the city further administrative costs, I'll let you out now! And now get out! If you get into another scrap with the boneheads, don't tell everybody about it!

I don't believe this changes whether you take out some of the boneheads on the battlements or not, although the case might be different if you fought your way through the main gate, the code and triggers are a bit complicated.



For now, we've got to visit Thar to ask him something, but we can only do that in his office.



Pretty swanky looking place - a far cry from those huts we visited in the last update.



There you are again... what is it?
1) I want to speak to a prisoner. 2) I want to help. 3) I want out of this city!

There will be a time for the last two, for now, let's get our chat on.

Who do you want to talk to? The crazy Asgar, the fatal Fama, or the strangler, Burger?

The last of the three works better in German - "Burger, der Würger" - although I'm not sure why they didn't write his name with an "ü" as well for maximum rhymeage.

Also, it doesn't at all matter who we pick, since the only reason we need to talk to him is to get the names of the prisoners (if we didn't know them, the guard downstairs would ask us who we want to talk to and we'd completely botch it - although one of the names we could pick there is pretty : Hasdrubal the cannibal. Also, more rhyming!). Let's pick Asgar for now, because Asgar is a pretty cool guy.

You do know that Asgar is a wild vampire that fell out of the Duke's graces because he kept murdering people?

Yeah, that sounds like Asgar alright.

Of course!
And why do you want to talk to him?
1) For science! 2) Pure curiosity.



I'm working on a thesis about the behavior of mass murderers, and your prison came recommended to me!
Really? I'm not sure if I should be flattered or not. Regardless, tell the guard downstairs you have my permission.

Well, now you'd think we'd be heading down to the prisoners again...



...you'd be wrong. We've got to buy something. Also, notice that some of the fruit is gone - every time you buy something from there, the inventory gets smaller until they're all sold out, which is why we did that binge buy earlier.



Anyway, we're here to pick up some lockpicks and some stuff somebody can stick in their pipe and smoke, for a reason I know about, but the game doesn't think I know about yet.



So now we're back at the prison cells, and we want to talk with one guy in particular, that being Burger.



Hey, you! Prisoner! Come over here, I want to talk to you!
What's the deal, boss? I hope it's important, because Burger doesn't like being chased around for no reason.
I want to know why you're imprisoned here!
What's your problem? Are you a head shrinker from the nuthouse, or just some sicko?
You know, now that I think about it, I've got no interest in you talking trash to me!

At this point, I once again get confused because my memory led me to believe I was one step ahead of the game, but I wasn't. We'll be getting to that shortly, but first, let's chat up the other prisoners.

Hello, Fama, I'd like to talk with you!
Very well! A little chat with a good looking fellow like you is always welcome.
Well... umm... Fama, why are you locked up in here - a pretty young girl like you?
It was men like you! They thought they could buy anything for a few bucks... but I taught them they were wrong...

And then she laughs. Pretty creepy.

Oh, that's all... see you next time then, Fama.

And one more left.

Hey, Asgar, I want to talk to you!
That's incredibly nice of you, to talk to a poor, pitiful vampire like me.
Umm... yeah... tell me of your crimes!
Crimes? That might be what these mortals and their presumptuous duke call them!

Insert joke about Wahnfried trying to uphold the Masquerade here.

Would you report a bear because it kills a deer? No! Of course not... and it's the same with me!
I am the bear...
A bear in a cage, like it seems... Well, Asgar, we might talk again some time...
You can't just leave! I have to drink a bit of your blood first, and you know that! Give me your blood!
You're off your rocker! We're not giving you anything, understood?
Then leave! And quit boring me!

Yeah, that nailed Asgar pretty well. He's less snarky and more pissed, but that comes from being locked up in a cell as a vampire as powerful as he is. I wonder if that comment Asgar made in Vampires Dawn 2 about Wahnfried was related to being locked up because of him? Just think about the implications that has for the greater RPG Maker timeline! ...yeah, I don't think something like that exists. Let's move on.



Now, this is what we still needed to do - check out this door.

Locked!
Strange... there's lights burning inside... hmm... if only I could find somebody that could open this lock for me...



And that flicked the invisible switch allowing us to get what we wanted in the first place!

[...]
What's your problem? Are you a head shrinker from the nuthouse, or just some sicko?
Neither! I'm looking for somebody that can teach me how to open locked doors.
No problem, boss. Just get me out of here and I'll open any door you want!
Even if I wanted to do that, I couldn't. I'm new in the city and have no influence here.
Alrighty, boss, I'll show you what to do, but it won't be for free!
How much?
It's clear you don't have a clue how the prison works! What can I do with a sack full of bucks? But I'm tired of sucking on this straw. Being able to smoke a good pipe again would be nice... but my tobacco's out. Get me some of that good Königsberger shit and we've got a deal!

Wow, another one of those weird terms. Originally, Burger wants "Königsberger Knaster", "Knaster" originally being a type of high-quality tobacco that was brought over from the Americas in tube baskets (canastros in Spanish) - the term originally being "Canaster", which eventually devolved into "Knaster". Eventually, the term came into use with students and became more of a derogatory generic term for tobacco. Calling it "shit" seemed to be a decent pick to me.

And don't forget to bring some lockpicks, I'll need those for the lessons!
Well, what a coincidence, I just happened to get some of that shit just a while ago! You can have that. And I already got some lockpicks too! I figured I'll be able to use them soon.
You're a real smarty, aren't you? Well, I can live with that. Now, pay attention...
Burger explains how to open almost any lock with the help of lockpicks over a half hour...
So, now you know everything I know! Wasn't so hard now, was it? Now leave me alone, I want to smoke in peace...
Thanks again, and have fun with that!



I could try to pick the lock...

And it works without a hitch. Now, let's see what makes this house so special...



What? This house! I know it...

And then Julie runs to the left.

Julie! Wait!

And as they follow, suddenly we get a flash, and then...



Grandy, Libra! That's...

...they're in a trance... and here, in this house, the shadows of their selves live on!

With that, we enter full flashback-vision, in trendy black and white!



Do you really have to go back to the others again? The duke has spies everywhere. Some day...
It has to be, Libra! Lazalantin is relying on me!

So if you couldn't put together one and one yet, here's it pretty much spelled out - Grandy is in fact Laz's HE.

I know! But some day the duke will learn of your meetings, and then? What will become of us?
It won't be long, my dear, I promise. Our plans are already very advanced.
Very soon, Wahnfried's reign of terror will be at an end, and a new duke will be put on the throne!

♫One day to a new beginning, raise the flag of freedom high...♫

...two Les Mis references, and we've barely made it to chapter two. I wonder how many more I'll end up working in?

It's alright... it's just I'm worrying about... forget it, just promise that you'll be careful, dear.
No worries, I'll be back safe and sound soon.

And then suddenly, there's the sound of glass shattering, and it's probably not a Stone Cold run-in.

What was that?



OH SNAP. Didn't expect that, did you, Grandy?

You should barricade your windows if you don't want any unexpected visitors!
Even if you're the duke, you can't just break into my home!
Oh, really? Sue me. While we're at it, the courts could also decide on your matter!
What do you mean?
I'm talking about your conspiratory sessions with that snob Lazalantin and his useless pal Rank Degenhardt!
I have no idea what you're talking about...
Your face tells a different story! But don't worry, I'm not planning to leave that matter to the judge.
I'll pass judgement myself: Guilty on all accounts!
And now it's time to execute the punishment!

And with that, he transforms into a bat and flies back upstairs.

What? I thought he'd attack us now... but..
Oh Grandy, hurry! He's not after us!
By the gods! Quick, upstairs!



And now we're back in the wonderful world of color.

By the heavens! The duke... that wasn't real, but it wasn't fantasy! What was that?
That were our memories, Grandy.
You fell into some kind of trance as we entered this room... and then there were these two ghostly figures that looked exactly like you.
They disappeared as soon as you reawakened.
This house... this house is our house! We lived here together!

After that, Julie runs towards the kitchen.

Julie?
Don't you understand? This is Julie's home too! She found her feeding dish!
She doesn't look good... she's no attack dog after all.
You're right... she's taken quite the abuse lately.
But we're at home now, Grandy! How about letting Julie stay here? It keeps getting more dangerous and she doesn't have any sort of armor...
I agree. She's earned some peace and quiet.
We should look around some more, children. This house surely has some more secrets to be uncovered!



So now we can take a bit of a look around the house. Here's some assorted flavor text for certain objects.

Spices: Black and white pepper, red peppers, chili pepper... somebody likes it spicy here!
Hmm... yummy!

Hey, there's a valuable silver service in here. I bet you could get a good price for that!
Hands off the silverware! That belonged to my mother!
Interesting to see what you can remember all of a sudden...

A basket full of fresh apples... fresh apples? But nobody lives here!

Terrible memories come flooding back when I think of the many times Libra forced me to wash the dishes here!
And who do you think washed the dishes when you were off conspiring with your buddies?

Ah yes, the stove... I remember how I used to prepare my famous meat loaf here.
And when you weren't cooking up your famous meat loaf, I usually cooked here for us two.



Heading on upstairs, we can find some useful items on the table here, and you can also see the place where Wahnfried crashed through the window. There's only one interesting thing here to see before we move on, the bookcase.

A whole bunch of books! Holy smokes, just look at those titles... "Of Those Vampires Or Humansuckers", "Of Werewolves And Other Animal-Humans", "Artificial Humans", "Black Masses"... a veritable repository of knowledge.

With that done, it's time to look at the next door.



This door! No, my friends, don't open it! There's nothing good behind that door!
Yes, Grandy, I feel it too! But I also feel that we have to go through that door! Our fate lies behind it!
Fate can go stuff it! I don't want to go in there!
Come on, Grandy... if Miss Libra believes it's necessary...
Dankwart! I know what awaits us behind this door!
Then tell us, Grandy...
It's... a nursery!



Don't you dare touch her, you fiend!



Who's going to stop me? You? Or how about your weak wife?
Prepare yourself, bloodsucker! We will see who wins this fight!
You bore me with your cheap anger, mortal. I'll kill you some other time!

After that, he casts some magic that looks exactly the same as his bat magic except it doesn't transform him.

A magic barrier! You cowardly dog!
The duke will now take what he deserves! According to the new law, he can do what he wants with his subjects!
I'll start with your daughter!
Nooooooo! You can't do that!
Silence, woman! I'll feed on you tomorrow. Your child, however, is for my companion Doria!
She likes them young and juicy!



And concerning you, Grandy - I think I'll let you live!
Without your family, you'll wither and die, and your conspirators will see what happens when you mess with me!



...well, that was certainly something. Just because Vampires Dawn was the darker of the two doesn't mean that this game doesn't get pretty fucking dark itself. The werewolf child murdering was just the beginning.

It hurts so much!
I know, Grandy! It's hurting me too!
I can feel your pain as well, my children. I felt it years ago myself. That pain will never quite end. Still, it was important to open that door. It was also the door to your hearts.
And now all of us know why we can never give up!

I'll be sleeping in the inn tonight. I think you should be alone in your first night back in your old home...
Thank you for everything, Dankwart...
No, dear Libra, I have to thank you. Before I met you, I was just as undead as the new duke of Düsterburg.
Good night, Dankwart.
Good night, my children...



Good night, Libra...
Good night... dear.

I really like the chemistry going on between Grandy and Libra. They really do feel like a married couple through and through, and that's something you rarely see in games like this. Usually, the wife is relegated to the status of plot device, to give the hero a reason to do things, but not here.



I hope you slept well. We should take another look around here before we leave again...
I think we should take a look in the attic.



There's a couple interesting bits and pieces up here, too.

Good grief! What a terrible stench!
...shoes... my size...
Just like I've been telling you, Grandy.

Clothes... underwear, to be precise... womens' underwear...
I had no idea Libra wore stuff like this!
I assume that you used to like that quite a bit!

But the most important part here is, as you could probably already tell, the chest.



I kept my weapons in this chest...

Empty! I would have expected...
Maybe Wahnfried took the weapons...
Or you did it yourself, Grandy! In another time... or maybe in another reality!
What do you mean by that, Dankwart?

incoming!

It's obvious that Wahnfried used my research to manipulate the flow of time. We can see the result of that here in Düsterburg: A complete halt! But your fates, Grandy and Libra, lead me to the assumption that Wahnfried went one step further... He directly interfered in the time flow, made massive changes in the way things went.
And the result of that is?
Everything seems to point towards that you and Libra should be living in this house! But the house is abandoned and there seem to be ghosts about! I believe that the duke tried to wipe you two out by interfering in the time flow to directly prevent your existence!
But we're here, Dankwart! We exist!
I know, dear Libra, and that seems to confirm my suspicions.
Wahnfried obviously only read my research as far as it seemed to interest him.
The universe has certain constants... at certain, usually definite points there are knots in the time flow. I believe we recently reached one of those knots. And then there was a vacuum: You two suddenly weren't there anymore! The gods, the world spirit, the cosmic constant, regardless of what exactly is responsible for the flow of things... it decided that you two have to exist for the fate of the world to take place.
I'm a guy that hits shit, Dankwart, not a man of intellect. Could you explain that again... for dummies?
Umm... well, Grandy, these things usually don't fit into a few easily digested sentences.
He's saying that everything we remember is the way it should be.
But Wahnfried changed this reality to steal our existence away, but he miscalculated! We're here, where we belong! And we're going to send him where he belongs!



And with that, we're done. Join me next time, as we go fuck about in the sewers! Yay!