Part 20: Update XX - Roll To Bluff An Entire Castle

Update XX - Roll To Bluff An Entire Castle



Last time, we bopped around the guest wing of the castle, now, let's see what else this castle has in store. However, first we need to take a look at this - a painting. There are a ton of paintings strewn about the castle, and every one (except one, I think, and that might be intentional) has unique dialogue when you look at it, so I'll be showing all of those off.

Fangjob bites girl! Very original!
I believe this motif is from a music play - but I've forgotten the title.

It's Dance of the Vampires again - I believe a digitization and pixelization of an iconic shot from the 1997 debut performance in Vienna, but I may be wrong.



Moving on to the right...

Somehow, this picture has a sad feeling about it.
This is a classic: "The Vampire", drawn by a Mantonian monk.

I have no idea. This could very well be a reference to a famous piece of art, but I couldn't find anything.



We take a step further to the right, and are abruptly stopped.

Whoa, there's somebody standing over there!

And we then pan over to reveal the skeleton guards. So that's where the guards have been hiding!

We don't know what instructions the guards have been given. Going further is too risky!
I agree. Let's head back and look for a different way.

Well, we already checked every room, and there's no other way. If only there were four guests with the same hair colors as our group we could disguise as...



...oh, right.

Grandy! Take a look at these powdered figures! Those clothes, those wigs... that would be an excellent disguise!

Did you know that "pudern" not only means "to powder", but also means "to have sex" in Austrian slang? I didn't.

Finally, a suggestion of yours I instantly understand! And I already have an idea on how to make that work!



And Grandy being Grandy, that idea comes down to "let's beat the shit out of them".

You've lived long enough, grandpa!
EEEEH?

There's actually unique lines depending on who you talk to to initiate combat. Here's the other three:

I want to make a complaint!
You can do that in hell!

Come on, pal! Time for the bloodletting!
BLOODLETTING? BLOOOOD? YUMMY!

Pardon me, dear, but we'd like to get you out of your clothes!
Anytime, cutie!



Now, this battle can be a tough one. It's going to be your first real battle against vampires, and it's one hell of an introduction. Vampires are a cut above the average enemy because of two reasons. One, they can suck your blood to regain HP, which is problematic, and two, when they suck your blood, they can tear open a main vein and have that character start bleeding out, which is a massive issue - it's basically poison, but harder to deal with and dealing a lot more damage. It really is something you want to deal with ASAP, and when there's three vampires tearing veins open every turn, the fight turns into a massive clusterfuck even if you are overleveled.

However, there's a solution, and that's the song Tarius learned just a while back. While it also defends against regular attacks and black magic, the main help is that it improves your resistance against the "bleeding out" status. When two to three guys starting to bleed out every round gets cut down to one, the fight becomes so much easier. From then on, it's just attacking with Grandy's two swords of vampire doom and Tarius' Dance of the Sun, which all deal massive damage, and they eventually go down.



So what's the meaning of this now?



Magic sparkles!

Oh, Dankwart! You old idiot!
What's the problem?
We can't defeat vampires like this! They transformed into mist and are now resting in their coffins!
Alright, then let's just open them up and finish them off!
If only it were so simple! But we need a stake, freshly carved from an ash tree...
...the "freshly carved from an ash tree" might just be superstition... but it definitely has to be blessed by a priest.
Couldn't you have thought of that a bit earlier? I highly doubt we're going to find something like that here!
And what should we do now?
One thing's for sure: Once these creatures have rested for a while, they'll come out of their boxes and alert the guards.
We have to prevent that. Don't you have some other trick up your sleeve?
Well, there's an old story that says that if you put grains of rice into a vampire's coffin, they're beset with the desire to count them.
It is said that they can only leave their coffin after having counted all of them.
Sounds ridiculous, but we don't really have a choice. We've got to be able to find some rice around here...

Well, I've got an idea, but first, there's a painting to take a look at.



What a dirty painting...
I believe this is an old picture from the play "The Monster Behind the Curtain".

Once again, no idea if that's actually a thing or not. Now, let's ask around the kitchen.



Say, do you have some rice stashed away somewhere around here?
Rice? No, there's no need for that here.



I don't really have time right now, sir, we have a lot to do.
Won't take long... we're just looking for some rice.
Rice?... No, sir. But I could give you some raw brain, if that works for you...
It does not! Thanks.



Can I help you with something else, sir?
We really need some rice.
Hmm... we had some of that... as some coffin reading material for the duke. Take a look down in the storage!
Will do. Thanks!

And sure enough...



...we quickly find what we're looking for.

Ha! There's so much rice in this jar, those old farts are still going to be counting in twenty years!



And we backtrack to the room with the four vampires.

Now, let's let the lady count for a bit. But before that, we'll need her evening dress...

One fade to black...



...and presto, instant vampire disguise!

Well, we sure make some great vampires... I wonder if somebody's actually going to be fooled by this disguise.
We need to take the chance - there's no other way out of this wing.
I hope that we can deal with this quickly... this weird pantsuit makes me look fat.



And after one quick step outside, there seems to be a commotion going on.

Come on, come on, ladies and gentlemen! The duke wants to make sure you're all in the main hall when the big moment arrives!

Looks like the party's finally starting.



Oh! Countess of Karnstein! You really look like you're blooming with life today! The duke wishes for you and your companions to make their way to the main hall. He wants to give Sir Malthur the darkest reception possible. As such, it shouldn't be too hard for you to outshine everybody else.

The entrance to the main hall is being guarded by those skeleton warriors we saw earlier. But we don't really have any time for festivities... not to mention the risk of being discovered... however, the main hall has the quickest access to my old laboratories and chambers.

Decisions, decisions. Well, not really. First of all, now that Erik has left his room, we can loot his chest.



And we find a pick-me-up!

What's this stuff?
This used to be a pretty popular stimulant with older ladies. However, as the strength of the drug became known, prices have soared. Nowadays, only successful adventurers use it.

So basically, it's Ritalin. Works for me. As far as the game is concerned, it's a super revival item. Now, there's one more optional thing we can do for a bit of a laugh.



Now that we're dressed up as vampires, the zombies have some new reactions to our party.

OHHHH! PLEASE DON'T GNAW AT ME, YOUR MOLDY EXCELLENCE! THE LAST BIT OF BLOOD THAT I STILL HAVE IS WAY PAST ITS EXPIRATION DATE!

If you're looking for a swig of blood... there's probably still a few bottles in one of the cupboards.

Whoa there, who sucked you out so quickly?

And there's a new reaction to one cupboard in the kitchen.

Blood in a can... makes your fangs split just from the thought of it.



Now that we're dressed up, we can walk further down the corridor and take a look at this plaque.

This plaque has been made unreadable! I wonder what it read?
I can tell you. The coat of arms of our family was displayed on it. And under it was written... "The Falkenburg! Built for the protection and well-being of his highness Falk von Dengelbrack as well as his subjects, during the reign of his imperial highness Kuno the... the..." ...I can't believe it, I actually forgot which Kuno that was.

What has become of my wonderful castle?
No worries, Dankwart. We'll retake your castle here and today.

And to aid that goal, we should try and leave the castle.



Please step back! Duke Wahnfried has ordered that nobody may leave the castle during the festivities!
But we just wanted to get some fresh air...
What are you talking about? The way you look, you haven't needed fresh air for centuries now!
Umm... right. Sorry, I forgot about that.

Our disguise seems to work, but from now on we should choose our words carefully.

Good thing Grandy didn't make Charisma his dump stat, because you just know some asshole DM is going to make him roll Bluff for every single action he's going to take from now on.



Well, since we're stuck in here, we might as well just join in with the festivities, or at least go and talk to some of the guests. If I leave somebody out, it's because they weren't really interesting at all.



What's with the disguise?
Which disguise?
Well, that getup of yours. Do you really believe somebody's going to fall for that?
Umm... we thought this was a fancy dress party.

Smooth. So yeah, vampires can just smell the human on you from a distance, which could cause some problems. Luckily, the vampires we've run in so far don't really care.



HUI BUUUUH! HUI BUUUUUUUH!
What?
HUI BUUUUH! HUI BUUUUUUUH!
Hmmm... I think this is a ghost that my mother told me about when I was still little. I believe that those are the only words it can speak.

This is a reference to Hui Buh, a series of audio dramas and books for kids centered around a ghost in a castle. I don't really know anything about it beyond that Michael "Bully" Herbig starred in a pretty shit movie version.



Oh, this ambience! I love these dark castles - it's so inspiring! After this feast I will immediately start to compose a new symphony... or maybe an opera?
Come on, Tarius, don't get hung up!



I feel terrible. My complexion looks like a Kostakian mold cheese!
Don't feel bad, sir monster. Compared to some of the other guests you look like you're blooming with life!



Who are you?
I am Eigor - the right hand of the duke... the right and the left hand, to be exact...
Why should the duke hire a human to help him when he has all his undead he can rely on?
He needs me because I'm the only one that can use the tools to repair the machines of the old duke.
So you're some sort of mechanical wizard?
Nonsense! I don't have a clue about all that crap - the duke always tells me exactly what I have to do!
What? I don't get it - what does he need you for then?
It's the tools... All the tools that the old duke left here have been blessed by a priest! The duke can't touch them!
Right! That's an old tradition in my fami- ... in the family of the Dengelbracks.

Well, that was somewhat interesting. I wonder if that's going to come up again.



No further! This path leads to the duke's chambers and is not open for visitors!
But we have to get up there!
I only listen to directives from the duke himself or Chief Knurrgahn!
Where can I find the chief?
Probably in the quarters of the wolf guard, one level up.
Then I'll pay a visit to the chief.

Yeah, that seems like our best bet right now. So, time to continue exploring the castle.



Boo! That seems like an unpleasant guy!
Bah! During my rule, no pictures like this hung from the walls!

Let's take a look further down...



Stop, Grandy! We can't go on here - the guards over there are vampires!
So? We're disguised, aren't we?
These creatures can smell our warm blood from a few meters away. They won't fall for our disguise.
Alright, then we've got to find another way.

There's the whole "vampires don't fall for this shit" thing formalized. Let's go down that other hallway instead.



Is that supposed to be Wahnfried?
I think it's one of his many role models.



Over here, we find a special picture.



This one we can actually take a closer look at! So, what is this? Castlevania artwork with Wahnfried's face pasted over it? Seems like it to me. It totally seems in character to me for Wahnfried to just take existing vampire pictures and paste his face over it.

EDIT: Thread to the rescue!


Bah! That sleazebag had himself immortalized in oil... blighting the walls of my castle with his tacky paintings!
Well, I think the painting's kind of pretty.
It's a good thing that you don't need any real taste in art to be a hero.



We bop around the castle some more (really, it's kind of confusing and not worth keeping track of) and run into this interesting character.



Finally, somebody came to check on me! I've already feared I'd have to die of old age here!
What do you wish of me, lords of the red death? Do you wish to experience a sample of my art?
...or did you come to finally... FINALLY accept me in your ranks?

1) Show me what you've got... 2) We'll accept you... 3) What?

You can normally only choose one of the three options in a single run, but we'll go through all three, because they're pretty entertaining. However, we'll be mixing up the order here - first 2), then 3), then 1).

However, we don't really know how it works...
It's not that hard! Just get our your fangs and dig into the arteries!
Our fangs? Use your own!
I would, but they're only fakes. Please! Let me taste your immortality!
I promise to be a really evil vampire, too!
Alright, we'll do it, but we've got to go brush our teeth first.
Please hurry, my lord!

Now, the third option.

I don't understand a thing of what you're saying. Who are you, and what do you want?
My name is Leegesi, Behla Leegesi.

Read: Bela Lugosi. The allusions are still going strong, and will not end with this pal. Also, fun fact: Did you know that the face pictures for Behla are actually the face pictures for Wahnfried from the old demo version? Hooray for asset recycling! I think they made a good choice - the new images for Wahnfried look a hell of a lot better.

Sounds ridiculous.
It's only a screen name, my lord - I'm an actor, you see.
So, so, and do you have any droll stories in store? Something humorous?
My most famous role was always the "Wahnfried" in the play of the same title by Abraxas Sto'Karr!

Double reference here. Abraxas is the name of a main antagonist from Vampires Dawn and "Sto'Karr" is just a bit of a modification of "Stoker", as in "Bram Stoker", the guy who wrote Dracula. We're firing on all cylinders.

"The" Wahnfried?
The lord of the castle, yes! I came here to study the original in order to make my performance more authentic!
But then I realized what a lowly creature I am compared to you godly creations!
"Devilish", please. "Devilish" creatures. We want to stay correct, now.
I begged and pleaded for them to give me the kiss of death! But they all laughed at me and said that my time would come soon enough!
Have mercy on me! Take my neck and refresh yourself with the gushing juices of my heart!
Will do so, my friend, but first I have to go brush my teeth.

And finally, the first option.

How flattering. I hope I'm not completely rusty.

We hear a wolf howl.

Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make!
And? How was it?
Was that it?
Do you want to see some more?
Thanks - we're quite impressed, but also in a hurry. Some other time, maybe.

And that's your lot. There is one more thing we can get out of Behla, and that's if we talk to him again.

(I never drink... wine.)
He seems to be practicing his lines. We best leave him alone.

Well, that was fun. Time to head back to meandering around the castle some more.



Dark and melancholic...
This is one of the many rose-tinted depictions of the Dark God.



We then suddenly run into the dungeons because there's no way to tell just where the fuck all these doors lead. And is that who I think it is? It can't be...

What are you doing here?
We're visiting here and taking a look around the castle!
Alright, but don't start gnawing on the prisoners.

That was surprisingly uncomplicated.



GANDAMEL! My loyal court mage! You're alive?
Sir Dankwart! Oh my! I was already told that you were dead, but to think you're now also one of those bloodsuckers...
What? ...oh, right, the disguise. This is our camouflage! We're here to take out Wahnfried!
Really? Oh, sir Dankwart! After all these years, I've lost all hope of being able to leave this cell one day. To be able to walk along the streets of Falkenburg after quitting time, to be able to drink a fresh beer, to be able to flirt with the girls at the bar...
...umm, yes, but we're not that far just yet. Do you know something about this castle that could help us?
I'm incredibly sorry, sir Dankwart, but for 20 years I haven't seen anything except these bars. For 20 years I've been sitting here, having never heard the soft voice of a woman, her breath on my cheek, her lips...
Alright, Gandamel, calm down. We'll get you out of here when this is all over. Until then, stay low-key!
Yes, sir Dankwart.

So yeah, that guy's an allusion to Gandalf, though mostly in name and look only. His horndog character is something original. Now, let's address the elephant in the room, what's up with that guy in the corner?



Asgar? What are you doing here? We beat the hell out of you!
Pah! You might have hurt me a bit, but kill me...?
You'll need a bit more than a few rusty swords to do that! Because I am the mightiest vampire in the world! NO! In the entire universe!
Then why are you in this cell?
That was that stupid Wahnfried... the second-mightiest vampire in the world. He's just jealous of my skills!
But one day, when I get out of here, I'll take over the world! I WILL BATHE IN BLOOD!
Alrighty then! We'll see you then.

Even Grandy has had enough of Asgar's shit. Moving on...



Is that another vampire lady?
I can't say, Grandy. I've never seen this painting before.
Hmm... there's a golden plaque under the painting. "Donated by Baroness Alaine Frynia of Shannar".

Alaine is the female lead of Vampires Dawn. I wonder how Asgar must feel about his beloved having donated a painting to Wahnfried, the guy that locked him up? Kind of confused about the implications here.



That looks disgusting.
That's one of the many creatures serving the Dark God. Could be multiple too, I'm not quite sure.



We seem to have stumbled on some sort of graveyard with a bunch of zombies shuffling about. Do they have anything interesting to say?

MASTER...
I've always wanted to have a personal slave.

MASTER...
Don't overdo it, pal. Massa is enough.

MASTER...
Umm... thanks. Carry on.

Not really. They seem to be a bit dumber than the guys in the kitchen. There seems to be something going on downstairs, let's check that out.



Uahhh! Please, not now, my dear friends. Please, wait for the uplifting moment.

If you know German, you might notice that this guy's got a fucked up accent. He's stretching his "r"s, which is alright. He's also stretching his "b"s, which is odd. He also occasionally stretches his "i"s, replaces his "e"s with "ä"s at times, and does some other shit I don't get at all. I wouldn't have the slightest idea how to translate this, so I'm entirely omitting it. For the record, this is fucked up. I'd love to know exactly who this is supposed to be modeled after.

Umm... what?
The birth of a new life! It's such a touching moment, I cry my cowl bloody every time.



And then a kid zombie pops out!

Uahhh! It is wonderful when you've found your calling in your unlife!



DADDY!
Sorry, kid, but there's a mistake here.
Isn't it touching? The first creature the little shit sees in his life he believes to be his father!

Hooray for imprinting? This doesn't have any real effect, so it's not like this kid's going to be following us around the entire time, as bizarrely awesome that may have been. Well, now that the... rebirth is over, let's see what this guy has to say.



I didn't know that the duke was holding a fancy dress party. You'll still have to work on your outfit, though!
What's the problem with it?
No vampire would ever be fooled by it!

So now, in case we missed it before, we get another reiteration of that whole thing. Also, if it's a costume party, then what's the problem with the costume not fooling people? If I dress up as Hitler for a costume party, I don't want to fool people into thinking I'm really Hitler, that could get really awkward, really fast. Anyway, there's a few more things we've got to discuss with this guy.

Pardon me, but I have to take care of my fosterlings again.
Just a few questions... how does one get a job like this?
Oh, I've always wanted to be a kindergarten teacher, but nobody wanted to hire a guy with a name like mine.
What is your name?
Hugo Böse...

"Böse" being "evil".

I even changed my name to Max Schreck, but that didn't help either.

"Schreck" being "a scare". Also, in Semi-Obscure Reference Theatre news, Max Schreck is the actor that portrayed Count Orlok in the German silent film Nosferatu.

Say, if you tend to the corpses, surely a lot of stuff has to pile up that just isn't useful for you.
You are correct, good sir. Unbelievable, the kind of stuff those mortals carry around with themselves.
It would be an honor for us to help you get rid of that junk!
I may be old and moldy, but I'm still not stupid! How about a trade?
What do you want?
MONEY!

Looks like somebody botched a Barter check.



So now we can buy some assorted medical supplies. As if we weren't loaded already. So that's it for the graveyard, time for more meandering and paintings.



Typical horror-romantic motif: A white lady in the middle of a dark castle backdrop...
Interesting, but the lady is very hard to see.
That might be because she's a ghost...



Intolerable! Always these romanticized vampires with their elegant black coats!



I think we should rethink our disguises. Compared to this guy we still look way too harmless.



Nice guy...
I believe that's Kostak the Kruel, a famous bloodsucker.
Kostak the Kruel?
What are you looking at me for? I didn't think the name up.



What's this supposed to be?
A man in armor with an a bit too long head...
Well, it might be related to the helmet...



Now, we've wandered into the vampire guards' room, so we best stay away from them. However, there is something we want in this room.



And that's this crossbow! Well, that's kind of a lie. The crossbow is kinda shit. It's the most powerful one by a good bit, but it works with black magic, making it nearly useless against any and all dark creatures. And take one guess on what we'll be fighting for most of the rest of the game... Anyway, one more room, and then we'll knock off for now.



Uahhh... girls, hide! Vampires!

What?

What's going on here?



Can't somebody have a bit of fun around here without one of you long-tooths peering around the corner?

1) Alright, we'll leave. 2) We're guests of the duke.

Let's press the point a bit more. Did we just run into some weird skeleton sex party?

So, dear? Do you think you get special privileges because of that here? Don't take it personally, but you've got too much flesh on your bones for my tastes, even if it's deliciously moldy. So get the hell out of here, and take your friends with you!

A bisexual skeleton sex party? Do skeletons even have a gender? If so, how could you tell, anyway? Why am I even questioning this?

1) Wait, we've got something for you! 2) Alright, we're gone.

So yeah, here's where something comes back from way back.

I know that you've got something for me, but we don't need your thing... we've developed other methods...

STOP MAKING ME QUESTION THE SEX PRACTICES OF SKELETONS.

Hey, you've got me all wrong. Here, we've got a freshly oiled bullwhip. Just the thing for endless coffee parties!

Yeah, the bullwhip we nicked back at the inn where the monster ate the guy comes back at this point. Bet you've already forgotten we took that one too, eh?

A bullwhip? That would be something new. Is that for free?
Well, not really...
Well, that was obvious. You bloodsuckers are all the same - sucking the marrow from the bones, even if they're already completely dried up. But we don't have a lot to offer, except a bit of pay... and maybe this strange club we took from that lecher of a mage...
1) Pay = money = sounds good! 2) What kind of club?

The money is practically worthless at this point, the club is where the real value is.

There's a mage sitting in the dungeons, and we took his staff away. In the beginning we had loads of fun with it... but things got too rough... plenty of broken bones...

And with that, we get a fire staff, which is a great upgrade over Libra's current staff. Also, we're in the presence of a weird bisexual skeleton S/M sex party. Do skeletons even feel pain? How would that even work... NO, HAVE TO STOP QUESTIONING IT.

And now make like a bat! We've got to try this thing out immediately!

Yeah, sure, I definitely just want to leave. Christ. Anyway, next time, we'll start our quest to get upstairs to Dankwart's old laboratory.