Part 57: Update XLIII - Valnar's Eternal Quest To Get Laid

Update XLIII - Valnar's Eternal Quest To Get Laid



♪ BGM: Asgar's Castle - blood009.mid ♫

So, once more, we find ourselves back in Asgar's castle. We've just gotten done exploring the dungeons of Asran and came to the conclusion that Valnar needs to get laid. There's some more detail in that story, but that's the basic gist of it. And with that, we're off to ask our minotaur friend if he knows where you can get laid.



Say, Ronak, you don't happen to know any brothels?
A brothel? What is a brothel, Master?
This is going to be harder than I thought!
A brothel is a place where mostly men go in order to enjoy themselves, Ronak!
Ah, I see! Yes, there is a "brothel" in Ghardon, Master!
Well, I hope you understood it correctly, Ronak! But let's try it and go to Ghardon. Maybe there really is a brothel there.

OK, good, we'll have to check that out at some point.



♪ BGM: A Truth Revealed - WraithTouch.mid ♫

But for now, it's time for me to once again bust out my divine foresight bestowed upon me by the almighty RPG Maker, because it's time for us to start rounding up those other thieves that scattered all over the world back when we busted them up in Mesdor by vampirizing their leader. Why? Because I want more stuff, and more thieves means more stuff.



Our first target is at this location.



Now you'll note that there's a red skull of deathiness hanging around, but the trick here is that you don't get into combat unless you run into the sprites of the enemies - in other words, you can technically avoid combat as long as you fiddle around with avoiding the sprites. And there's somebody that's going to become our new friend fairly quick.



Hey, you are... one of the thieves from Mesdor!
Please, don't hurt me!
Don't be so shy!
AAAHHHHHH!

Now, with the thieves, you of course need to transform them into vampires to make use of them, so let's do that.



And now, make yourself useful!



And with that, she gets teleported to Asgar's castle.

I don't know whether your methods aren't perhaps TOO radical...
Radical? I call them objectively optimized...

One down, five to go.



The next one is here.



♪ BGM: In The Wilderness #1 - K0crrain.mid ♫

This area has a recommended level of 70. Just FYI.



However, we manage to get to the thief without further incident.

OH YEEEES, there we are again!
Uaaaaahhhh...



The thieves also try to run away when we talk to them, though not far.

Hehe, I can see we left a good impression back in Mesdor...



Anyway, chomp and away we go. Four to go. Let's stop back home and see how they're fitting in.



♪ BGM: Asgar's Castle - blood009.mid ♫

Calm down, or I'm never going to turn you back into a human!
Hrmpf...

Damn it, how could I have let this come to this!? Now I have to steal just to be freed from this curse! What a freaking destiny!



You'd better just get to work and not ask any stupid questions!

God damn it, just why is fate so damn cruel to me?

Looks like they're going to be just fine.



♪ BGM: Ildan - SS_13.mid ♫

Our next stop is Ildan, as we have actually forgotten something here. Way in the top left corner of the map, we find...



...another one of the thieves!

Ah, another one of the cute girls from the sewer in Mesdor!
Please, let me go! I haven't done anything to you!
Over there, a monkey!
Huh?



Anyway, let's recruit her to the crew.



Only three to go!



Next stop, this forest near Castle Rakar which I've apparently already visited at some point.



♪ BGM: House In The Woods - elfen.mid ♫

The recommended level for this area is 75. We are several flavors of wrecked if we run into an enemy here.



Our goal here is to circle around, avoiding vampire-eating plants, and find this staircase leading to a cave.



Inside the cave, we have to dodge enemies inside narrow corridors to get through to the thief.



A fair amount of times, it does not go well. Also, nice Final Fantasy sprite.



It doesn't go well at all.



Subsequent attempts also end earlier at times.



However, perseverance pays off, and we eventually make it through all the enemies and get to the thief.

Oho, another one of the girls from the sewer in Mesdor!
Why did you have to explore THIS cave of all places? Aren't there a million others?

She's right, you know. There is no reason for us to explore this place at this time, and there's a million (Note: May not actually be a million) different places like this strewn around the map - some of them have treasure hidden in them that you can find with the maps, and some of them are just places that have maybe a chest or two and some enemies that are either too easy or wreck your shit. I don't even think there's anything pointing you towards the direction of the thieves at all.

We simply followed the scent of your sweet blood...
AAAAHHHHHHHHH!



And another one gets bitten. Only two more to go!



♪ BGM: Ghardon - a_taste_of_honey.mid ♫

Next stop, Ghardon. We still have to find out about that "brothel" Ronak was talking about.



"A place where men go in order to enjoy themselves..." Pfff, nicely done, Valnar! Ronak thought a brothel is something like a bar!
Hey, how else was I supposed to explain it to him!?
Well, maybe one of the guys here knows if and where we can find a brothel...

In the upper floor of this bar/restaurant/whatever, we find our answer.



What's written on it?
"Magic, nothing but magic! This is not normal! This is magic... come to us and be enchanted!"
Unequivocally equivocal.
Humans are primitive and hormone-driven. Sickening...
Seems to be the right kind of establishment, though. Let's see if there's an address written here...
Hehe, I still remember our last visit to a brothel. Uruya would probably still be crying about all the loose girls if it hadn't vanished off the face of the world.
According to this paper, we have to go a little to the north. It should be there.
Well, let's see if we can find it.



♪ BGM: A Truth Revealed - WraithTouch.mid ♫

The place isn't hard to find, it's just a short distance away.



♪ BGM: Magical Desire - wings.mid ♫

However, we're not here to get laid just yet. We actually have something else to find here.



Another thief!

Ahhh, one of the thieves from Mesdor!
Please, let me go!
I think you're going to be very useful to us...
Go away!



Only one more left to go! But first, getting laid.



Exactly the kind of place for our purpose!
If I really have to do this, then at least I want it to be the best lady of this house!
Now you're getting picky, too!
He's right, Asgar! I assume the rooms for such things are upstairs...



Thanks, we're going to look around and see what this place has to offer.
Hihi, of course this place has a great mood and beautiful women, what else would it have!?
Uh, yes, thanks...

Hihi, the one with the cape is really cute!



I don't come here to this establishment because of conversations like these.
(Babbitt...)

Wow, these hot chicks everywhere. This is really a place to let loose!



We wanted to take a look around here a bit first.
Hehe, do that. And when you've gotten into the mood, feel free to talk to me, or just go immediately upstairs. That's where you can satisfy your "hunger", hihi...

Man, it's so exhausting today again. But always keep smiling...



Hello! So, how can I help you? Do you wish to visit the girls upstairs?
Um, yes!?
Then simply go upstairs. The girls will take the money directly from you after you had your fun. And you WILL have fun, I promise!
Oh, yes, we'll definitely have fun, hehehe...

Jenny really is an amazing girl. When she dances, the whole house is full!



Thanks, we're still thinking about it.
You're still thinking about it!? Oh God, what kind of weird guests do we have today again?

Damn it, Jenny is totally stealing the show from me! I hate her!



"One Time is No Time - An Analysis of Regulars", and "The Whip - An Homage To Love".
And of course "The Secret Arts of Dr. Man Tu Chi" can be found here, as well.
Of course.



Hey, cuties! I hope you're going to relax nicely!
But of course!
That's good. But it's no wonder, after all, we're fulfilling EVERY wish, you understand!?
Hehehe...
Pfffff...

Oho, this one looks big and juicy! I hope he also has money!



Yes, we're here for the first time.
Well, that's fine. There is always a first for everything, hehe.
Um, yes.
Just where is all this going?
Hm, and you've already brought a new one with you, it seems. How much for her?
WHAAAAT? You filthy bastard!
Oho, and she's a wild one, too. Yes, I think she can make it to the very top. Or the bottom. It depends, hehehehe...
I'll kill him!
We'd better leave, or this here will end in carnage.
That it will anyway, sooner or later.

Hm, a cute redhead is with these two. Let's ask how expensive she is.



Men really are pigs.

Oh yes, cutie pie, we're going to play hide and seek later, hehehe...



Perhaps I should elope with one of them!?

Alright, let's check how things are looking upstairs.



Now, this is one place where that "uncensored" cheat I activated ages ago does something. I didn't even know this was a part of it. Basically, these two rooms down there are usually blacked out, and you can use the doors to look through the keyhole and see what's going on. Instead, it's just all open with the uncensored switch turned on. Though it's not like you're seeing anything more than you would in the "censored" version.



Hehe, I'm afraid so. This is a waiting room!
How pathetic is THAT?
Well, I think it has style!
Never thought I'd see something like this...
It's almost time for your performance, big hero. Shouldn't be all that hard for you. You've always been a big human friend...
Asgar, don't be so insensitive! We have to do this! We need to find out what Vincent Weynard knew.
Yes, yes, it's fine. I'm all right...



Hey, you there! Get in line and wait until it's your turn!
How about we kill them?
I'm sure there's another, more reasonable way.

Well, let's see if we can deal with these people.



We want to see one of the girls.
Haha, that's something we all want. But you have to wait until it's your turn.
1) Okay, what do you want? - 2) Well, then we'll just wait!

Waiting won't get us anywhere.

You seem to be really desperate. Fine... since I don't want to be a monster, let's play the good old coin game. I flip a coin, and you guys decide whether it's heads or tails, and if you are correct, I will let you go first. If you lose, I'll get 10 Filar from you!
10 Filar!? Then there's nothing for us to lose! Let's do this!
Heads or tails?
1) Heads! - 2) Tails!

It doesn't matter, as you might imagine.



We get a coin flip, and...

It's tails! You guys lost! Thanks for the 10 Filar!
Damn it! Here is your money.
Thanks.

Hm. Let's see what this guy is thinking.

Hehe, they look like I could trick them with my good old coin trick... two coins with 2 identical sides are truly something nice...

So we then play the game again, and then...

It's tails! You guys lost! Thanks for the 10 Filar!
Wait a second... show me the coin!
What? What's this about, now?
I think you're cheating!
Uh, now that I think about it, there's something I need to do...



And off he goes. One down, two to go.



Um, we actually just wanted to enjoy ourselves a bit. Doesn't matter with whom.
Hehe, Missy is currently handling a customer. Lola is also "busy". And Lyra is prettying herself up right now. But with her, it could always take hours...
Doesn't she lose a lot of customers because of that?
She can afford to do that. She is the best!
I want to see her...
Get in line, buddy. We've already been waiting forever.
1) But it's urgent! - 2) Lyra has already left! (Lie) - 3) Well, have fun waiting.

We don't have the capability to lie our way through this right now, so we need to take the alternate route.

Welcome to the club!
Hm, what would I have to do to make you let me go first?
Well, if you can get me a teddy bear, I'll let you go before me.
A teddy bear?
I wanted to bring one with me for my daughter. But I'm too lazy to go to Ildan or Mesdor and buy one.
All right, let's see what we can do.

Well, that shouldn't be too hard to do.

Oh, how much I crave for Lyra's tender lips and her quivering body... I should buy her a much more expensive necklace than this one next time. 20,000 Filar aren't enough to make my feelings clear!

But before we head out, let's check the last guy.



Hm, we are actually in a hurry.
Hehe, I get that. But I've already been waiting for an eternity.
1) How about 500 Filar? - 2) Your wife is downstairs! (Lie) - 3) ...well, we'll wait, then.

This time around, we can actually lie for success.

What!? Oh my God! I need to get away from here! Where is she?
At the entrance.
I have to hide! Damn it!



And off he goes as well. So now all we need is a teddy bear. I think that can be arranged.



♪ BGM: Ildan - SS_13.mid ♫

One quick trip back to Ildan later, we have acquired a teddy bear. Now, on the way back, we actually have one more thing we can check off the list.



♪ BGM: Klennar - Klennar.mid ♫

In the ruins of Klennar, we have one thing to find that we can probably get without dying a horrible death due to the enemies there.



And that's the final thief!

Well, what do we have HERE? One of the thieves from Mesdor!
Oops...
We have a little surprise for you...
GET LOST!



And there we go! Now we have all the thieves recruited for our little joint venture. As a reminder, this is the drop table for the thieving back when we only had one:

11% chance: Nothing
20% chance: 100~200 Filar
30% chance: 50~100 Filar
10% chance: Healing Balsam
5% chance: Healing Phial
5% chance: Serum
5% chance: Holy Sand
5% chance: Healing Phial
4% chance: Save Stone
3% chance: Healing Potion
2% chance: Vampire Stone

And now that we've gotten all the thieves together, the drop table looks like this:

11% chance: Nothing
20% chance: 1000~2000 Filar
30% chance: 900~1500 Filar
10% chance: Healing Flask
5% chance: Lightning Dust
5% chance: Regen Elixir
5% chance: Acid Potion
5% chance: Flame Potion
4% chance: Save Stone
3% chance: Healing Elixir
2% chance: Vampire Stone

That's a significant upgrade! Particularly the larger amount of cash will be very helpful. Now, let's check back in with our new recruits.



♪ BGM: Asgar's Castle - blood009.mid ♫

Well, finally someone who appreciates my gift.
I got the hint by the way, fella...
It was such a broad one, I could have been holding a sign instead...

A life as a vampire does have some pretty good sides, too. If only I didn't have this constant dreadful thirst...



You should be glad that I didn't turn you into a stupid zombie!

Why, just WHY?

Well, I need money to buy mercenaries so my castles don't get overrun by a never ending horde of knights and Elras, and you get me that money. Pretty simple, really.



Work first, talk later. Got that?
Just what kind of bastard are you?
One of those who control your life now, little missy...

That wretched son of a bitch! I hate him!



Now, don't be so depressed. It is, after all, an honor to work for me, hehehe...

If only I had hidden myself better, then I would have been spared this wicked torment!

Press-gang employment methods are the best employment methods. Now, back to our most important goal at this juncture - getting laid.



♪ BGM: Magical Desire - wings.mid ♫

We have one with us!
Really? Oh, wonderful! All right, this is taking too long for me anyway. I should rather make my daughter happy with a teddy bear!



And there we go, now there is nothing getting in the way of getting our bone on.



Okay, Valnar, I guess it's now your turn...
Hehe, have fun, kiddo. Now you're becoming a man!
Shut up, Asgar! We're doing this to find out something from Vincent Weynard, hoping to learn something about Alaine's past that way.
Yes, yes, big warrior. in you go!
All right...



What's this? I didn't say that anyone is allowed to enter!
Um...
Although, you do look pretty cute. Do you have the 4000 Filar!?
Well... yeah, sure...
All right, then let's be quick. There are other customers outside waiting for me!



And with that, the room fades to black.

I hope he's making it quick!
Give him time. He's making a huge sacrifice for me.

Again, I'm not sure how "sticking your maybe non-functioning dick into some human" is this massive sacrifice, but whatever.

I wonder if it's really going to pay off?
It seems my past doesn't really interest you that much.
I have made you into what you are NOW. And I like it.
Vincent Weynard was a bastard! And for everything he had done to me, I'll make sure he's going to suffer forever. Even if I have to go to the Crimson Realm for that!
Do what you must. The faster we're getting this over with, the better. However, chopping the head off once should have been enough... so why still go to the Crimson Realm?
I already told you. I want to find out everything about my life before Vincent. And then I'm going to make him pay once again! For the curse that he had inflicted on me!

We hear a scream.

Finally!





And as Valnar turns to leave, he takes one look back at the decapitated corpse he just produced.

Poor thing... I hope your sacrifice won't be for nothing.

This is one of the few places where I actually know low Humanity making a difference. I'm very certain there's a lot more, but I'm not going through all the events just to see which ones change. Anyway, if you have low Humanity (less than 30), Valnar instead says the following:

I didn't feel anything anyway...

That's just cold.

So, were you successful?
I have the blood. And now?
So it must be! I will go to the plane of the Blood Spirits, the Crimson Realm...
An insane undertaking...
But how are we going to bring you back?
Well, with the blood and the respective spell!
Which leads us to another problem. We don't have the spell!

Asgar becoming the voice of reason is so weird to me.

I completely forgot about that! Jayna has the book...
But the book is a collection of spells by the Elras. I'm sure there are a few of those Elras mages who have memorized the spell!
Well, I don't think they're using such a spell that much...
But at the very least, it seems to be a possibility for now. Except, of course, if we can get our hands on the spell book.
Very well, then let's grab one of those Elras from one of the castles occupied by them and torture the spell out of them!

Alright, and that'll be it for this update. Valnar got laid, and we suddenly realized that this whole "murder Alaine and then revive her" plan has another large snag in the whole "revive" part of the plan. To kinda spoil something a bit - the Elras hideout that has the spell we want has a recommended level of 33, and we're at about 15 right now, so that's a while off. So next time, side quests!